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5 Reasons Why We Should Not Hit Our Children


If you’ve visited the blog in the last couple of weeks, you probably noticed that I haven’t published anything new for awhile. I took a vacation to visit my family in Bulgaria and decided to dedicate my time to reliving the Eastern European culture I grew up in and to searching for inspiration for future blog posts.

13 thoughts on “5 Reasons Why We Should Not Hit Our Children

  • August 31, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    blue skin!

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  • September 1, 2015 at 4:05 am

    Yes, all four of us kids were hit by both parents. Dad had “The Black Belt” which meant bent over his lap one hand holding me down and hitting my buttocks with the belt or flat-handed slapping anywhere on the body or face-not the head. Head-hitting was the only time Mom spoke up. Mom hit us flat handed anywhere except the head or with whatever was in her hand. When I started babysitting my two sisters and brother, all younger, I was about 9yo. I would hit them flat handed on the upper arm. As adults, one sister pinches and twists her kids. My baby sister, brother and I do not hit anyone.

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  • September 1, 2015 at 9:28 pm

    This article, like many, lumps an occasional spanking together with child abuse. I have no idea whether I should spank my son, but I do sometimes. I’m open to reading suggestions on the drawbacks to that (as well as alternative ideas!)

    This article says that excessive hitting leads to violence, aggression, etc. No doubt it does. But I don’t hit excessively (I don’t spank hard, or often), and my four-year-old is the opposite of aggressive. What are the drawbacks for us?

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  • September 2, 2015 at 5:25 am

    Hitting. I see both sides of the coin, abuse and discipline. Psychologically speaking, essentially its behaviour modification and sometimes we need to get bunrt to learn that fire is hot. -> single point learning.

    For me I was spanked as a kid. It was infrequent, and never done in anger, but when it did happen I knew I was in the wrong and learned my lesson. To me it taught me discipline, respect for authority and that actions have consequences. I am not traumatised from it. Actually I am thankful for it. I am worried about the practice of hitting and hugging afterwards. In all honesty we’re talking about conditioning here (cause and effect) and to me its sending mixed messages. Think about when your dog does something wrong and you correct it. Do you immediately follow it with a hug???

    The other thing that worries me is that people these days don’t respect authority figures, don’t take responsibility for their actions and sometimes have the attitude of if you touch me I’ll sue you.

    And before I’m crucified for my views, I agree that abusive hitting and hitting out of anger/frustration/loss of control is bad.

    final note: I got my last spanking when I was 16.

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  • September 2, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    My brother was verbally and emotionally abused when he was a kid. He was hit many times too from his father and uncle. Today as an adult, he exhbits extreme agressiveness, and hits his father whenever my father says nasty things about him.

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  • September 2, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    As a child I was spanked/hit by my parents many times with the encouragement of their church’s minister which was in reality a cult (and the reason I have ZERO faith and have not been to any church since I turned 18 and left home but that’s another story).
    They whole heartily believed in the “spare the rod, spoil the child” bs and many times those spankings was done while in church and at least once on the stage in front of everyone during the services (to prove what good Christians they where). One of their favorite tools for beating us was using a length of plastic from a children’s toy called “Hot Wheels” which was orange in color about 3 feet long with ridges made to hold the toy car on the track. These hot wheel tracks left huge welts and bloody marks as they wrapped around the leg when hit by them and to this day as man over fifty I cant look at those toys without cringing. This is why I have never hit or layed a hand on my own children (or went to church) including the 3 grandchildren I have now.
    My point is I made a conscious choice to never hit my children after that and they grew up to be great people and parents without ever feeling the fear and terror being hit by the people who should be protecting them. Hitting is wrong and I’ve never been able to understand how a parent could ever hit their own children. Children didn’t ask to be brought in this world and if you need to hit them then you are in my opinion a sorry excuse for a human and need to be beaten yourself…

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    • September 2, 2015 at 3:36 pm

      I am fed up with people saying spanking your kids causes mental problems. I work at a High school and I see first hand what the lack of discipline is creating. These kids do not respect anyone or anything. They are rude and very distructive. It is nothing to get cussed out at least once a day. The parents are constantly complaining that they can’t handle their kids. Well, they should have started spanking them when they were little. My mother spank me and I spank my kids. No mental problems here. We know right from wrong. I know there is a difference between beating and spanking. I am not saying beating a kid is alright. MINWUKMAN you need to learn the difference. What you described is called BEATING not spanking. Your parents were wrong!

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  • September 2, 2015 at 3:54 pm

    My husband and I were both physically punished as children. His parents were abusive and mine were not. We both felt very uncomfortable about hitting our children so we turned to other methods – time out, loss of privileges, etc..
    Each child is different and responds to different methods so there is no “one-size-fits-all” but we were mindful that we were teaching not punishing.
    Figuring out the best way to teach is a challenge; it requires time and effort.Hitting is the easy way out.
    Hitting is never necessary.
    ps Our kids turned out great .

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  • September 13, 2015 at 11:09 pm

    I’m 16 and was spanked many times as a child and I now experience different anxieties, and I have Bipolar Disorder II. I fully support spanking kids when they’re young. I don’t believe me being spanked had anything to do with what I’m dealing with now. As someone said with the response “Fed up”, I too see what kids do now and I believe it is because they’re parents either 1. don’t care enough to discipline or 2. didn’t/don’t believe in spanking because its “wrong” and “abusive”. FYI to everyone out there that thinks either of these things are true, there is a HUGE difference between beating and scolding a child. Yes I was scolded and yes I have some mental issues but I fully support physical scolding. It teaches kids respect. Once again I believe my issues are caused by something else entirely.

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    • September 14, 2015 at 2:54 pm

      Thank you so much, everyone, for sharing your personal experiences with hitting or being hit! As I can tell from your comments, the topic is very sensitive, personal and tricky one, which why I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Thank you so much!
      I don’t want to give the impression that all mental health problems are entirely the result of being hit as a child. We are a lot more complicated than that and every person is an individual, with their own history, experiences and coping skills. That said, as we can see from your comments, the experience of being hit is never a pleasant one. My personal and professional experience, many years of education and time spent listening to clients (both adult and children) in therapy, who have experienced violence, all testify AGAINST hitting. I didn’t want to have to define spanking from hitting and physical abuse because ANY form of hitting can be traumatic for a child.
      I truly hope that you all have a safe space where you can talk about and process your experiences. Those things are never easy to discuss but in the end, it is all worth it.

      Reply
  • December 3, 2015 at 4:07 am

    Thank you most for sharing personal experiences, and i apologize for not reading previous posts. I truly feel this post associates discipline with abuse, which is bull shhhhh. It is used as a means to market an agenda, but some of you are here for genuine help. Like me. My view is kids (children) do not know right from wrong and we cant make them understand since they are children. So an immediate solution is to associate pain with things they shouldn’t be doing. Once they have better understanding of the negative result of their actions, then discipline changes.

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  • July 4, 2019 at 3:31 pm

    So my husband and I are out back with our 2 and 3 year old boys. They are playing with sidewalk chalk.my oldest Braxton the 3 year old writes a line down daddys pants. Dad instantly starts screaming and tells him not to do that. A minute later he does it again and dad screams and spanks him twice while screaming telling him hes a bad boy and we dont write on people with chalk. I looked at my husband and said I am disgusted with you. You dont hit a child for being a child he wasnt harming anything. Calmly redirect and tell him u dont like when he does that. Get down on his level talk calmly instead of standing over him and yelling or hitting him. Dad starts saying no he deserves that sidewalk chalk is for the sidewalk not my clothes. I don’t see u saying anything to him they act and do all this bad stuff because of u. I just dont understand how he thinks this is an ok or effective way of parenting. & I’m at my wits end my husband is an amazing man but the way he parents and disciplines our kids makes me sick and hurts me.

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    • July 31, 2019 at 9:43 am

      Ashley, thank you for your comment. Becoming a parent is a complex psychological process and a major transition in a person’s life. Often times, people change or shift in their behaviors when they get married and/or when they become parents, reenacting patterns from their own past and history. My guess is that your husband was parented in a similar way and is doing what he knows and what his parents taught him. I understand that it is easy to feel hurt and upset by him but you may want to try and have an open conversation with him about his own childhood and how he was parented. Sometimes, allowing one the space to actively think about their own past could be helpful and changing the way they are reenacting it in the present.
      Hope this helps.

      Reply
 

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