QUESTION FOR Ladies Who Are In Relationships With Men:
What if he showed up one day and announced that he was IN CHARGE. He’s your leader. He’ll do his best to make thoughtful decisions and take care of you completely. He will consult with you. But there will be no questioning his authority any longer. And he means it. What would you do?
You might not be surprised to know this post touched a nerve. There were plenty of comments, and many of those comments were from women.
Dozens of posts from women took this tone: If he were to do that, I’d tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out. Many women merely laughed. What a joke! No man will ever be in charge of me. That’s ludicrous.
And so on.
I am not an advocate of male dominance.
I don’t care who is in charge of a relationship. I don’t care if couples insist on 100% equality in decision-making (which is rare and much more difficult to pull off). It’s just interesting to observe how things have changed.
Usually, when you put any two people together, one ends up with a greater or lesser degree of dominance. That’s how we’re wired.
So, I had to comment on how some women today must be viewing men similarly to how most men viewed women so many decades ago. Subordinates, incompetents, weak and, well, sort of a pain in the ass.
A USA Today article goes into more depth on this matter of gender roles since the 1950’s. So many women work more, earn more and hold more authority in relationships than do their men.
Does this reversal of authority (for many couples) come with an inherent lack of respect between them? Maybe.
On a cultural level, are women giving payback to men in general for the discrimination of the past 100 years? Sure, why wouldn’t we expect that?
Are men feeling dis-empowered and weak? In many cases, you bet they are.
What about your relationship?
Who wears the pants? Or, is it an important question for you? (It should be.)
In nature, there is no mammal species that doesn’t concern itself with status and authority as an implicit element related to survival of the herd. Humans are also incredibly preoccupied with status. It’s just that we don’t like to admit it.
What’s your status?
Many modern couples who consider themselves equal in authority like to divide the territory, so to speak. He’s in charge of X, Y and Z. She’s in charge of A, B and C. It’s a good way to go.
There are also movements that call for clear roles and designate one member of the duo to hold greater authority (authority, not worth). One such movement is Domestic Discipline. In Domestic Discipline, if the subordinate partner misbehaves, agreed upon punishments are given. Spankings are common!
Domestic Discipline advocates report fewer conflicts, greater clarity and more peace in their relationships.
Of course, most people think it’s crazy. I wonder how many of those people enjoy peaceful, power-struggle-free relationships?
I’m an advocate of knowing how to relate with your partner of the opposite sex. In a world with many choices and brains capable of imagining so many scenarios (some realistic, some pure fantasy), I think we should all take the time to get clear on how our relationships function.
Talk about these issues in your relationship. The worst thing you can do, in my opinion, is engage in blind power struggles, with each partner asserting his or her will against the other as if he or she should hold more power. That’s just childish.