8 thoughts on “5 Keys to Building Strong Relationships in Any Sphere of Life

  • May 13, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    I really enjoyed this article.

    Reply
    • May 15, 2011 at 1:46 pm

      Hi Misty,

      Thanks for reading and I’m glad you enjoyed! Have a wonderful day!

      Reply
  • May 14, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    My story is an old one but I feel by sharing it that others will gain something, I know not what, from hearing it. I am a Gay man now aged 52. I am told I look to be in my mid thirties and this may just be flattery but I do live a very healthy and active lifestyle and I am told I am rather attractive in a very masculine way. I was in a very unhappy relationship/friendship for over ten years and we stayed together for reasons that I don’t understand or remember now. I thought I loved him until I discovered he had been cheating on me with the same guy for over two years. He made a full and honest confession when I found out and, as amazing as this may sound, I forgave him because I was happy in the friendship and so it continued as a friendship. A few years later he had another affair with another person and I did not care because we were only friends now and the previous affair was the love breaker anyway. Furthermore, the other guy was beautiful and I could not blame them for getting together. I figured, given a chance, maybe I would have taken the opportunity too so who was I to judge him for being human? Again I allowed the friendship to continue. Then he broke a cardinal rule of mine when he was accused of rape of a minor (six months under the age of consent) by a total stranger. He admitted to me that he had been in an affair with his accuser and when he broke it off the guy got so angry he made the allegation of rape and I washed my hands of the friendship because I wanted nothing to do with him. When the case went to court he was cleared of all charges and a unanimous verdict of innocent was delivered. However, my ex did tell me that he did give oral sex to the minor, so, regardless of any legal technicalities I terminated the friendship and departed and, to this day, almost five years later I have not seen or heard of him again other than the fact that he is now happily living with a new man in another city. 

    In the height of all this turmoil, as a result of my departure, I love a friendship, a home, a business, broken heart and put on medication for depression. I went to the depths of hell on earth and just wanted to die. My choice of suicide was junk food, obesity, and I soon went to 115kgs weight and started to get serious pains all over my body. I rented a small room in the middle of nowhere and began to eat myself to death. One night I woke up with a very bad headache and made my way to the bathroom looking for medication and as I looked I noticed my reflection in the mirror and I was horrified. Naked and standing there I looked myself up and down and saw the grossest, most ugly, horrendous fat and disgusting looking human being on the face of the earth. I was so shocked at the sight that I cringed in repulsion at my own reflection. Then I asked myself, is this the person I wanted to be and the answer was immediate and resounding. No.

    I went to a suitcase in my bedroom and dug out an old tracksuit and walking shoes I used to wear to make me look thin and, in the middle of the night, I went for a long walk. I stopped eating junk food and every day for over two years I kept walking and walking for two hours a day. I stopped eating the junk food and stopped smoking cigarettes. I never drank alcohol in my life so I was lucky. The weight began to fall off and slowly but surely I dropped back to 76kgs. (almost a 40kg loss). I then decided that what I was doing for my body I should also do for my mind. I returned as a mature student to college and soon I will graduate with a first class honours degree.

    From the moment I walked away from my ex I realised that I had been raped. As a child my sexual identity was raped by my older brother and this was dismissed as normal ‘growing up’ child play and a common working class occurrence. I was then repeatedly raped by my best friends dad. I felt that was my fault for being poor unlike him. As I grew up in darkness and shame I hid my sexuality as a ‘queer’ because I did not want to be cast out from my circle of family, friends and neighbours. As a young boy I loved to masturbate at my brothers skin books and yes, it was the women I fancied. But as my brother started to play with me in bed I began to like it and thus felt like I seduced him by being naked and ready for him when he came to bed every night. I wanted him to pleasure himself on me. After a few weeks I changed beds and the episode was over. For some odd reason, as I entered my teenage years I fell prey to two other child molesters but I ran far and fast from them.

    In my mid teens I got into an exploratory sexual relationship with my best friend and for one long hot summer we played together but, in time, that fizzled out and the friendship was terminated. In my mid thirties I had masturbated my way through twenty years of inbridled queer lust from mid teens to mid thirties before I met Mr. Right who turned out to be the man I would live with for over ten years. The sex had died out in this so called relationship after two years and I outlived every sexual fantasy I ever had with him and for that I was grateful so I guess that was another reason why I stayed with him. Not gratitude but guilt.

    One year after I split from him I met the most beautiful guy, I shall call him X, I had ever seen. I was 50 and he was 22. Outrageous but we justified it by him declaring himself to be 25 and me 35. Foolish but workable for us. We became friends for a few months and soon lovers but it was short-lived. After a mere month he withdrew sexually and I got angry on two occasions and beat him up. No justification for this and none offered. I was totally wrong and always will be. Full stop. After a few weeks X contacted me and said I was forgiven and that he wanted to resume the friendship. I was delighted and decided to seek professional advice because I was never a violent person and wanted to know why I had behaved so badly. After a few discussions my Doctor told me I was suffering from P.T.S.D.  – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and put me on medication to deal with it. In a matter of weeks I felt fine and my friendship with X was restored to a mutually acceptable fun loving friendship. The reality was that I was secretly harbouring the hope that a relationship with X would start up again and so it was for over 18 months. However, he never expressed any affection other than friendship for me and I began to try to buy his ‘love’ by doing favours for him. Helping him with his studies, writing his essays for college, getting him out of a very sticky legal situation and removing with manipulation, and his full consent, some undesirable people from his life. He always showed gratitude for these kindnesses and I fooled myself into thinking that one day soon he will see me as more than a friend but a very significant part of his life and would fall in love with me and reunite in a loving relationship with me. 

    The hope was shattered when he showed up in college with a love bitten neck. I was devastated and when I asked him to explain it he told me that he got it from a stranger while drunk at some out of town niteclub. I believed him and though angry and upset I decided to drop the matter. Two weeks later he showed up again with love bites and this time I felt less angry and he made no explanation other than he was bitten by some random stranger at the club. I believed him again. Two weeks later at the end of term I had completed and submitted his final essay for him and we went to celebrate. As we sat in a local bar I noticed more love bites. When I challenged him he told me that we were only friends and the love bites were none of my business. He further confessed that he had been seeing somebody else for some time and the reality was that he loved him and wanted to be with him in a relationship and that I would just have to deal with it. I thought about the situation for a day or two and decided it would be best to go our separate ways for a while. I justified this by hanging on to the foolish notion that, ‘if you love somebody, set them free, if they love you, they will return, if they don’t, it was never meant to be.’ He laughter at this notion and told me that under those conditions he would never ever come back. I did not believe him but I decided to put it to the test anyway. So I called for a break and he agreed.

    Now, he lives, as he has been for some time, in an apartment just around the corner from me (less than ten yards away) and I have also been informed that he has bragged on his facebook page to his friends that he made a total idiot of me and when my purpose in his life (high grades – which I got for him by writing his Essays) were obtained then he washed his hands of me.

    This set in motion a few weeks of dark depression for me and all I could do to fill the void left in my life was to join a gym and tone myself up. We have stayed out of communication with each other and I doubt very much if I ever will speak to him, or him to me, ever again. This does not alter the fact that I remain very much in love with him and that will never change. True love does not die, it merely fades in oblivion, in time, but returns to the surface when triggered and causes great pain at the feeling of it’s loss.

    Thank you for reading this and hopefully it will give you some insight into whatever it may be in your life that has brought you to this page.

    Anonymous

    Reply
    • May 15, 2011 at 1:47 pm

      Thanks so much for offering your powerful and personal story. You have been through a lot and sharing this will hopefully provide others with a new perspective and insight they may not have had. Again, thanks for sharing such personal information in the hope to help others.

      Reply
  • July 17, 2011 at 8:28 am

    thanks! its great

    Reply
  • February 19, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Our Federal Govt. is operating so far outside of its design parameters that this type of discussion is now futile. IMO the place to begin is reducing tax which would force massive reductions in power and programs, bringing the govt. more in line with the founders structure. Only then can a discussion vis-a-vis federal and state govts. become worthwhile.

    Reply
  • January 19, 2013 at 9:04 pm

    I relly enjoy this teaching and i must apply it in my relationship.thank you very much sir!

    Reply
 

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