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What Do You Look For in a Partner? How to Find Love This Valentine’s Day

What is it that draws you to other people?

Is it how they look, their intellect, their talents?

Some people have a “type” that they are drawn to and who they seek out to build a relationship with.

Starting to consider what you really look for in a partner is crucial to have a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

When we know our personal values, what is right for us, and the ingredients of a healthy relationship, we are able to navigate through a world where lust and immediate gratification are pushed as priorities.

People are also meeting and connecting with each other in different ways, such as online dating sites or social networks, and this can add a new dimension to connecting with others in a meaningful and genuine way.

There are so many different people in the world it can seem like they’re too many fish in the sea for us to choose from.

Where can you start?

A great way to begin looking for love is to consider the three most important things to you when looking for relationships.

  • Physical characteristics
  • Personality traits
  • Intellect
  • Background
  • Talents and skills
  • Interests

Which of these is most important and what specific traits would be appealing within these domains?

Recognizing our own strengths and positive qualities can be helpful when making new connections as well.

Which of these qualities do you feel are your greatest assets that you can offer others? What are people drawn to in you?

Now that you have considered what you are drawn to in others, and what others are drawn to in you, it’s important to consider some essential qualities of a lasting and healthy relationship.

5 qualities of a healthy relationship

Trust – The confidence that we can rely or depend on another person. Knowing they are going to do what they say and that we can rely on them.

Honesty – Being truthful and genuine, and being willing to admit mistakes and uphold integrity.

Accountability – Taking responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings, desires, and behavior. Both parties must deal with their own baggage and issues and not bring these extensively into the relationship.

Safety – Freedom from emotional, physical, or mental harm. We don’t have to be worried from one day to the next how they will act.

Respect – Understanding, valuing, and supporting other people for who they are. Not trying to change someone else or make them do something they don’t want to do.

No relationship is perfect, in fact, even the most compatible and functional people will experience conflict and disagreement in over time.

People simply have different beliefs, values, and expectations that they bring into a relationship, so it’s important to respect diversity and embrace the uniqueness of your significant other.

Learn to appreciate them for who they are and come to value the differences between you.

Photo credit: cessemi

What Do You Look For in a Partner? How to Find Love This Valentine’s Day

Joe Wilner

Joe Wilner is a life coach, licensed clinical psychotherapist (LCP), and drummer from the band Yes You Are. He is also creator of You Have a Calling, a blog and online community helping people discover and pursue their life’s work and mission. Through deep and personalized coaching, he helps ambitious, creative, and spiritually minded individuals make a greater impact, grow as leaders, and design a soulful life they are inspired by.

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APA Reference
Wilner, J. (2012). What Do You Look For in a Partner? How to Find Love This Valentine’s Day. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 31, 2020, from


Last updated: 11 Feb 2012
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