"She would run my head under the faucet, kick me, grab me by my hair and shake me, take things from me, throw away my things, forbid me to come upstairs from the basement..."
That's my ultimate goal: to be able to manage panic by myself, without outside help, be it human or pharmaceutical. The power is inside of me, somewhere. I just need to find it.
Should I be paying attention to my body or trying to dismiss its faulty signals? I had no idea. This is the greatest struggle for us panickers: separating the signal from the noise.
I woke up and immediately became aware that I couldn't feel my left leg. At all. Whatever wacky sleeping position I'd gnarled myself into while rolling around in a burrito blanket on the living floor had cut off circulation to my leg.