It's just a thoughtResilience is cultivated through a wide variety of practices. One of the most effective is the practice of objectively observing your thought processes without buying in to them.

The reason this builds resilience is because emotional distress and its accompanying physiological stress are less the result of events than of the attributions we assign to those events—our thoughts and beliefs about them—and our cognitive fusion with those attributions.

Dr. Steven Hayes

Dr. Steven Hayes

The antidote to this suffering is mindfulness practice, which provides us with the skills to be able to defuse from unhealthy thoughts and beliefs. There is another approach that has also been found to be highly effective. It, too, involves mindfulness, but in a different way. I refer to it as Valued-Action Practice, which I credit to the founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dr. Steven Hayes, who appears in the photo.

This method addresses the fact that the vast majority of the time most of us go through the day more focused on what we don’t want than what we do want. When anything at all doesn’t go as we would have liked, we end up thinking about what went wrong, magnifying its importance. Those of us who live with chronic health challenges know this pattern well, and we are usually highly adept at this practice. Unfortunately, this practice does not contribute to resilience. When we don’t feel well, most of us commonly focus on not feeling well. When any condition exists that we don’t like, we focus on that condition. In this way, we create even more emotional and physiological stress than our condition or illness itself generates.

In fact, that unhealthy practice also reinforces the neural circuits for future negativity, thereby increasing the odds of experiencing more of what we don’t want.

This reinforcing of what we don’t value rather than what we do value has another deleterious effect: it distances us from our personal life values. And being out of touch with our values leads to thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that can be very destructive to our health.


The reason we engage in this counterproductive, paradoxical practice is that, since ancient times, we have mistakenly believed we need to focus on what we don’t want in order to figure out how to keep bad things from happening. Our ancestors vividly imagined the tiger’s approach in order to prepare to ward off an attack. Today, we focus on the last family squabble in order to hopefully be better prepared the next time.

Although most people throughout the millennia have focused on what they didn’t want, there have always been a tiny percentage of individuals who were able to keep their attention on those things they held most dear—their personal life values. They have always tended to live with better health and greater wellbeing. They are the resilient ones.

There is nothing to stop you from learning and employing the brilliant strategy these healthier people have used and weaving it into the fabric of your life. You, too, can develop the skill of focusing on your most deeply held values in every waking moment. It is a practice that creates resilience, optimism, and a vibrant life.


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