I have been in therapy for almost two years now, so I knew it was coming, but it was still a surprise: At my most recent appointment, my therapist told me that I’m ready to leave regular therapy. It’ll just be the occasional check-in unless I need a “tune-up” after my next appointment.
I’m excited, of course, but I’m also scared. My appointments have gotten farther apart lately, but I’ve still been going to therapy very regularly for a long time now.
Looking back, I can see I’ve come a very, very long way since I first entered treatment for my OCD. A big part of that has been discovering that I also have an underlying mood disorder that was causing massive spikes in my OCD symptoms, and determining the particular set of medications that would control both my moods and calm my anxiety and OCD. These are medications I’ll probably be on forever.
But at this point, my therapy sessions are mostly me reporting what exposure “homework” I’ve taken on by myself, how things are going, my current moods and symptoms, and then shooting the breeze for the remainder of the appointment.
I’m scared — maybe apprehensive is the better word — because I worry that I won’t be motivated enough to continue exposure without reporting back to someone, although I was fine in January when I had no health insurance.
I also worry that I’ll get swept up in hypomania again without realizing it. This is hopefully a needless worry; I’m on mood stabilizers now, my mom and a few trusted others know what to keep an eye out for, and I know warning signs, so hopefully any move in that direction will be nipped in the bud.
Despite my worries, I feel really good about this move. I think it’s the right move, and now is the right time. I have one more appointment in six weeks, and then we’ll take the training wheels off and see how I go.
And I’m pretty sure all will be well — something I never believed I’d ever be able to say two years ago.