I used to have a friend in a wheelchair. He was charismatic and well-spoken. Enough to be unnerving. There were lots of unsavory people around him. I didn't realize how lonely he was. "I'd much rather have Asperger's," he told me one day when he was drunk. Which was always. "Most people will at least give you a chance." He was half-right. I'd rather have Asperger's than be in a wheelchair. I can hide it on a good day, under optimal circumstances. But it's not quite an invisible disability. People do see the difference early on. They just don't always know what it is.
I know much of life is a slow erosion of friends. People choose different paths, leaving both of us with not much to say. We have arguments that are never resolved. I think a lot of people lose friends because of pride. That's not a good or a bad thing. It just is.
So I'm getting to the point where people are asking me if I'm thinking about kids. And the answer is yes. All the time.
That title's a bit much, huh? A lot of people read "depressed" and "highly-sensitive" as "pain in the ass." And you know what? It's true. But that won't change anything.
Ok, so this one isn’t technically about Asperger’s. But it’s related. I was thinking about how I’ve always been a little behind for my age. I’ve always hung out with younger people. I’m just starting to figure out what that means.
When someone is different and not liked, they call them weird. Awkward. Creepy. They wrinkle their noses and they say in that disgusting faux-puzzled tone: "There's something *strange* about her." But when someone is different and loved, they call it charisma. If you have Asperger's, you're naturally on the strange side of that divide. Cheer up though. You've got some things working in your favor.
I think it's great. It's great that people like me are finally getting a voice. When was the last time you heard about disability rights as a major platform? Never, right? You will now.
So I just started taking Prozac. I don't know how I feel about it yet. Calmer, for sure. But not comfortable. It took a lot for me to admit I need help. Not only did I have bad experiences when I was younger, but I always felt that antidepressants drowned out the truth. Sadness comes with questioning things. But then my therapist fired me, my boyfriend threatened to dump me, and I was lying around smoking weed all night until dawn. I was out of options.
I used to be a fitness buff you guys. Like I had this 25-minute routine I'd do on the floor in my dorm room no matter how I was feeling. It didn't matter if I had a cold, if it was too hot, etc. Those squats were happening. Having that kind of discipline made me feel better about myself than anything else I can remember.
So I've been playing a lot of Pokémon GO lately. Along with almost everybody else. I'm thinking this game is a unifying cultural phenomenon second only to Facebook. There's more Pokémon GO players than there are people on Twitter. Seriously.