But that won’t change anything.
I would know. I’m exactly that person. All my life I’ve been constitutionally unable to handle the bullshit of the world. This hypocrisy? This knowledge that we’re all just going to live out our lives judging each other then die? It’s too much for me, man. I refuse to carry out the undignified task of existence without a cause.
You know people like me. We’re captivating. We’re smart and maudlin and charmingly adolescent. Best of all, we’re always a little bit hopeful.
We’re honest people, too. Although there’s a good chance our lives are full of vice, deep down we’re inherently moral. And it hurts us every day that we live in a world that isn’t.
Common wisdom is hell-bent on asserting that there’s something wrong with us. We need to fix ourselves. We’re the problem. Yes, yes, your toiling handlers shouldn’t let you get away with philosophizing your infidelity or living on the strings of unemployment because you’re too fragile to get your ass out of bed. But the fact is that some people are inherently stable and some aren’t. It’s always been that way. You can’t Prozac us out of existence. Nor should you. The world needs us.
I’m not going to glorify this completely. Because living it sucks. I can’t just sit around watching Dr. Who reruns at the bar without unleashing some civic invective. People call us weak, but being depressed takes a commendable amount of stamina.
I do wonder how long I can keep it up though. People like me don’t age well. I wish I could control my feelings better so I could have better relationships. I wish I wasn’t as touchy as I am, either. I tend to cut people out. And most of all I wish I could sustain one mood for a day so I could be more productive. But I don’t think being calm will ever be worth this clarity.
I’d lose Asperger’s in a heartbeat you guys. But I’d keep this forever. We need depressives around to question things that a “stronger” person learns to accept.
This is me. I’m like this for a reason. I’m proud to be the way that I am.
*Image from pinterest.