8 thoughts on “Eight Ways We Take Refuge in Emotional Pain

  • August 19, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    Thank you, Mike – I like this post! It also answers my question about the inability to tolerate happiness. Happiness would mean taking risks and giving up the freedom to sulk and be anxious all the time.

  • August 20, 2013 at 4:11 am

    Your article is well written, and I’m sure it applies to some people, but the problem is, there are people that those 8 principles do not apply to, but get accused of this. It hurts, when you really care, try, don’t think of yourself as better, don’t see yourself as innocent, take risks with people, do not judge and put others down as worse people, try to empathize with others, treat them as God would want us to, know life has meaning and purpose, but yet get labeled and looked down on, and judged badly like this, because we still suffer some emotional pain. Depression and anxiety can sometimes be caused from chronic health problems, and people can sincerely be trying in all ways, and still unable to get off of disability. That doesn’t mean we are all these bad 8 things because we suffer emotional pain. I just know that a lot of people class people into one category, once things like this are written; they think we are all that way. I get tired of being judged, and looked down on because I struggle, and thought of like this.

    • August 22, 2013 at 10:21 pm

      Those were actually my initial thoughts and feelings. I agree a lot with your comment. I suffer with a lot of chronic pain and end up beating myself up for not “being tougher” or “unable to tolerate the pain like I should”. I’m constantly worried about other people feeling I just want pity or sympathy. It’s a vicious cycle.

  • August 20, 2013 at 5:56 am

    I’m guilty of a few of these, even if they aren’t exact.

    One of my biggest hang-ups is my naturally-occurring negative thoughts that ruminate in me head. I don’t try to replace them with positive thoughts. I do try to stop them, but before I realize it I’m having another negative thought or a painful image is running through my mind. I even “beat myself up” for having these thoughts- self-fulfilling prophecy I suppose.

  • August 20, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    I agree with Malaya. You also have some valid points and methods for over-coming, but for me depression has been more of a mourning process. Most often the stress/depression cycle has more to do (at least in my case) of trying to hard for too long to overcome the beatings and hard knocks of life stressors. Normally, when I am feeling well (like now) I am one of the most positive, grateful, loving and giving people you may ever meet. I am the one you might see trying to help another see the positive in situations. When I am in a situation that is prolonged defeatist and find myself for too long not being treated in kind for the way I treat and respect another.. then I begin to “what if” myself trying harder and harder until I break down. Finally, I have learned to let go and stop being so “invested”, to be satisfied with myself alone! I am done being another’s “backbone” and will stay this way from here on in.

    • August 22, 2013 at 10:24 pm

      I can relate so well to your comment

  • August 22, 2013 at 7:10 am

    Thanks so much for shed some light on how to avoid taking refuge in emotional suffering.

  • March 2, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    sometimes it is as if i don’t know any other way to be I don’t really remember what happiness is don’t know how to be happy guess I’ve just been this way so long I don’know how to get out


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