4 thoughts on “How Unconditional Love Ruins Romantic Relationships

  • April 18, 2018 at 8:41 am

    AMEN! I have long believed that we, being flawed human beings, are incapable of unconditional love. Nice to read articulate reasoning that supports that! Only Jesus / God is able to love unconditionally.

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  • April 18, 2018 at 1:07 pm

    After 2 failed marriages I learned not to expect in my relationship. I learned to accept the problems that come along as issues to learn from and deal with. I do admit my husband of 30 years is not perfect and we have had many arguements but the biggest revelation for me has been learning I’m not always right either and sometimes you have to agree to disagree. At this point in our relationship i can truely say without a doubt no matter what he does i will always love him . To me that’s unconditional and I know the difference because I have children who are my world. Husband included I would die for any of them in a heartbeat. I would work through any issue. But dont tell him this 😉

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  • April 25, 2018 at 11:32 pm

    You have it all wrong, as so many Humanistic mental health professionals do. You almost showed understanding when you skimmed through love as a verb. But then that went over your head. So,

    Love is only a verb. True, real love. It is not an emotional. Marriage is about making am unconditional commitment, a covenant between a man and a woman. It will hopefully include the positive emotions and physical pleasure, but those things in themselves are not love. Love is better defined as a choice or an act one person makes for another that puts the others needs above ones’ own. That why we so easily see motherly love as unconditional, it is easy to see how mothers often put their childrens needs above their own.

    So when it comes to infidelity, betrayal or other transgresses of “loyalty” as you put it. Yes, it is natural that we lose our positive emotions, lose our physical attraction. But a marriage built on unconditional love, as long as the spouses are committed to that, will stay intact. There will be pain, but hopefully forgiveness as well.

    This is where you also go wrong. Marriage doesn’t exist to make two people happy. A good marriage will make two people happy, but if that is the purpose to marriage when one enters into marriage, their marriage is doomed to fail. Then loyalty is not the condition of marriage, happiness is.

    So by preaching your disordered view of marriage, you are merely contributing to the break down of marriages and families. I hope you don’t do marriage counseling.

    Reply
    • April 26, 2018 at 7:21 am

      Hi Mommydoc,

      Thank you for your thoughts. If I’ve understood correctly, you are defining marriage as an unconditional commitment. not a vehicle for happiness or loyalty or emotional fulfillment, even though happiness and loyalty and emotional fulfillment may be part of it.

      As an unconditionally committed marriage partner, are you suggesting people stay married regardless of the other person’s behavior?

      Reply
 

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