34 thoughts on “10 Signs You Have Trust Issues and How to Begin Healing

  • November 29, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    Great article..well artculated

    Reply
  • November 30, 2016 at 12:19 pm

    Great article.. This piece hits home several points of my own trust issues after a ‘betrayal’ I experienced as a teenager (not by family, but a friend) and the steps I know I need to take to heal. These trust issues lay dormant/passive for several years, but for the past 2 years it has been negatively affecting new intimate relationships I’ve recently begun to explore. I wish I could learn to trust again.

    Reply
    • September 24, 2018 at 3:23 am

      I can completely relate it to my trust issues. I know I have a wonderful partner now but due to a bad past I don’t open up myself to him although I want to submit myself to him.

      Reply
  • November 30, 2016 at 8:12 pm

    The reactions of not being able to trust – borderline came to mind. Yes or no?

    Thanks for a great article!

    Reply
    • December 1, 2016 at 9:33 am

      Yes, I also thought of people with BPD. I believe myself to have many BPD-like traits (although I am not diagnosed), such as: rapidly changing mood swing, fear of abandonment, splitting, all-or-nothing thinking, and paranoia especially with the person (or people) I care about the most.

      It’s a cruel disorder as it makes one incapable of loving another properly and even less capable of accepting love.

      Reply
    • December 1, 2016 at 1:51 pm

      Agree totally. Am also self diagnosed as having many borderline traits. Am diagnosed as PTSD but that’s because of trust issues, which prevented sharing deeply with the professional. And what does that make me?

      Crave love but difficult to love – have love to give but don’t know how, what could be a worse lifelong curse? And even betrayed by your own gut instinct. Wonder what we did in our last lives to deserve this:-)

      Reply
      • December 2, 2016 at 9:08 pm

        Angele: Your last sentence struck a cord with me. I say that to myself all the time & I am not quite sure I believe in past lives. But, if they [past lives] do exist, I am sure I have done something really bad.

        Reply
  • December 1, 2016 at 1:39 am

    Trust or Mistrust ?

    Authority v non authority ?

    These are life’s questions .

    Reply
  • December 1, 2016 at 5:44 am

    I have gone past self sabotage & I am now my own prisoner. My trust issues began at 5 yrs old & I am now 40. I can’t list all that has contributed to this issue as there’s too much. All I know is is that I have isolated myself away from the world. I am safe behind my walls both emotionally &mentally . 3yrs I’ve been trying to sort myself out but I have difficulty with motivation & staying focused & I just slip into an idle state of mind because I just can’t or don’t want to ‘think’ anymore. I even have difficulty trusting my own child & that hurts. My trust issues are debilitating & ruining my life.

    Reply
    • December 5, 2017 at 4:59 am

      This is me and my circumstance greatly. Abused from age of 2 onward, constant neglect and abuse. It set me up for bad choices in relationships, and a lifetime of mental anguish and failed relationships. Therapy never worked for me.

      Reply
  • February 22, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    And what if you refuse to do #1? What if you refuse to risk the hurt?
    What do you do then?

    Reply
    • December 5, 2017 at 5:00 am

      I just question why we have to hurt at all. Our creator has a personality disorder, narcissist.

      Reply
  • June 16, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    Trust is wanting to protect a safe zone.
    We live in world that whittles the safe zone away. I have had so many violations by strangers, so called friends, work and family, I just have a “trust earned policy” now.
    I work at a high security state prison and am unable to risk my safe zone.

    It is frustrating and drains you emotionally to see how painful this characteristic is.

    Now I know the last line of defense is simply to become alright with losing what ever you are protecting.

    Why is that item, feeling or thing so important and should we gear ourselves to allowing letting go notas painful as holding on is.

    Accept that from the moment you leave the womb — you are on your own and open to loss. I had caring parents but maybe we need to be trained that — that is a short term situation. You rarely will encounter a relationship that will not hurt.

    Peace and happiness be with you.

    Reply
    • December 5, 2017 at 5:02 am

      This is a sad statement of our existence at all. What was our creator thinking?

      Reply
  • October 30, 2017 at 11:42 pm

    Yeah I looked this up cuz I was curious if my recent habit of occasional sudden thoughts of people in school randomly pushing me off stairs or punching or stabbing my eyes or slamming me against a brick wall or, ouch, punching my neck and I just suddenly covering, guarding, or rubbing whatever part I though of others injuring or being prepared to counter being shoved off the stairs and imagining the pain of these injuries as I walk to my next classes in school had anything to do with this. Cuz I’ve never been physically abused at home (only mentally) or bullied in school. But it seems this lines up more than I thought. I don’t really talk to other kids much cuz ik they just want to be proud and brag about hearing me speak and being my friend, that’s all most of them do. Ah, well, except I’m aro+ace so I can’t relate to the romantic love thing, I’ve never been in a relationship nor am I interested. Tho I have 5 siblings that I deeply trust and care for and ik they feel the same way “:D I just never felt like I fit in in school or even online but like I just keep telling myself I don’t care so I don’t care. I kinda prefer it this way. I have one friend in school that I like, she kinda stuck with me when I expected she’d leave like the next day. It’s always that way tho, so obviously I’d expect it. Aaagh I just hope that this minor trust issues thing doesn’t destroy my life- I can trust people if I deem them worthy! I think I’m alright. I have my siblings after all. I just don’t understand how I became this way..? Eh, I’ll just do more research, srry I typed so much.

    Reply
    • November 4, 2017 at 2:50 pm

      I dealing with trust issues as an adult. And yes what you are going through could begin this cycle. Please try to talk to a guidance counselor. Let him know what is going on.

      Reply
    • February 18, 2018 at 10:47 am

      Just wanted to say that you never have to apologize for “typing too much”. This is your time and your space and feel free to get it all out, no matter how much time it takes 🙂

      And like “Feeling the Same” said, try talking to a guidance counselor. And like this article says, try taking a risk and talking to the other kids even though they seem like they only want to brag…they might be covering up how they really feel and acting like this as a result, you know? You probably have a ton of cool and interesting things about you that they won’t get to know about if you don’t talk to them…try taking a risk and being who you are rather than not. And if they show their face, and really are crappy, then so be it. That’s them, not you. And try the next person. I try this myself, and yes, it stings when people are crappy, but I try to tell myself that I’m a good person and that person is just that person and I move on. This has been the only way to get past the trust issues I had in school and later in life. Like you, I always had my siblings, so that totally helped me know that I could be trusted and that I can trust others…like, it actually is possible, you know? Keep going! I hope this helps you a little 🙂

      Reply
  • December 31, 2017 at 4:02 pm

    Just starting to fully face head on my trust issues at 50 years of age. My mother was a chronic liar. She passed over 3 years ago and I am still finding her lies. Found out this year she hid the truth of who my biological father was. Letting me believe it was a man that in her words “never really loved me.” Mom lies stack so high there is no way she could keep track of them. Dealt with being sexually abused and having it blamed on me, even though I was only 5 or 6 years old.
    I married a man that was hidden porn addict, so more years and years of lies.
    There is not a man on this planet I trust to leave a child alone with. Even my own 3 beautiful sons. It is consuming me…

    Reply
  • January 22, 2018 at 3:57 am

    you know who the worst person to cause you trust issues is
    a counsellor or therapist, it sucks
    even worse than parents
    so now whenever I think about going to counsellors/ therapists I immediately dismiss the idea as well as having the normal friendship issues

    on a different note, I think that when we dismiss enough friendship/relationship opportunities we are no longer pulled into them

    Reply
  • May 3, 2018 at 1:30 pm

    I have several trust issues bc all of what the article describes. I’m in a relationship currently and don’t want to lose my partner bc of my trust issues. I’m looking for healing and couching with my issue. He wants to support me but I need extra support from someone who really understands in fully my problem. I just want to be happy and have a happy life with him and a stable and healthy relationship. Please if someone can help me leave a comment here in order for me to get in touch and start having support that way I can beat up this issue which is blocking me from been successful in my life. Thanks.

    Kathy!

    Reply
    • September 16, 2018 at 11:51 pm

      Hi Kathy, I’m going through the same. We can talk.

      Reply
    • February 2, 2019 at 8:41 pm

      Hi Kathy!
      I am not a professional. But talking about it might help even just a little. Feel free to talk to me. I hope to hear from you soon! 🙂

      Reply
  • October 1, 2018 at 9:00 pm

    I have some trust issues, but right now, I just really need to get this project finished and turned in.

    Reply
  • October 5, 2018 at 6:09 am

    Yes, it’s hard to deal with trust issues especially after a betrayal. It definitely needs patience and perseverance in the part of the one who betrayed or cheated if he or she still wants the relationship to work out.

    Reply
  • December 9, 2018 at 3:46 am

    I used to be open minded but was betrayed by my best friend….now I have serious trust issues…i don’t trust people anymore…

    Reply
  • January 8, 2019 at 2:57 am

    I feel so lonely sometimes and idk why. My confidence fluctuatates between great to non existent so quickly it doesn’t make sense. I feel like I try so hard in everything g but than just feel like there have been so many missed opportunities. I relate with #7 from this article so much, Ik my gf wouldn’t do anything but when she doesn’t respond to my text I can’t help but think she doesn’t want to talk to me. And when she’s late from going out, we have a 1 am policy for going out (we go to different unversities and are long distance) I only think that she’s doing something that’s shes not supposed to. It’s so infuriating to think about bc she has done nothing wrong but it’s where my mind goes. We have had some intimacy issues as well, I love her so freakin much but when we see each other whenever we get the chance it’s like I’m just a friend and we don’t do anything intimate. Idk what else to do I don’t want to lose her she’s such a wonderful and amazing person. But I’m so afraid and scared that I’ll lose her and be so utterly lonely without her in my life

    Reply
  • February 21, 2019 at 3:29 pm

    Trust issues stem from an inability to imagine a favorable situation as well I think.

    Reply
  • June 4, 2019 at 6:07 am

    My trust issues started with the first guy that cheated on me and from then on. I’ve been used countless times knowingly and not. I’m not the most attractive woman, been called uglier then someone’s dog. Took what I thought was love how ever it came just to be hurt again. I allowed myself to fall into theses relationships knowing what the end outcome was going to be, but stayed hopeful that I could be wrong “this time”.

    After over 20 yrs of this, with not one decent relationship I felt helpless, not in control..

    Then I was recently blessed to find the actual man of my dreams. We’ve been together for 2 years now. He’s handsome, sweet, thoughtful and a true gentleman. He’s been through his owe years of hurts…a divorce, the loss of a child. He knows I’ve been cheated on and promised not to be the next one in line because he’s witnessed the heat ache it causes from his childhood. I believe him, but there are times I still get the overwhelming feeling of fear that at some point all this goodness is coming to an end. I have movies that play in my head of him cheating on me in some way, shape and form. He has to travel for work sometimes and my inside voice of fear turns on. I have internal thoughts, feelings, weird periods that he is going to have “a good time” with another woman while away because I’m not good enough. I know this is bullshit and I should just settle down and believe that it’s all in my head.

    It does get better the more time goes by, but I have my freak short internal moments where I cry silently in a closed off room or in my car by myself. The movies play in my head and I breakdown.

    The point is I never want to be in a relationship with someone again if they want to fool around in any way shape or form. I don’t want a man who thinks ok to go to the strip club, feels Hooters is a place to go and makes the excuse that they go because of the wings, one who flurts with other women and/or worse.

    It just sucks to be this person inside, a person of deep hurt and emotion. When I’m saying goodbye to my man when he leaves for a trip I just want to have that feeling of missing him, not that secretive fear that he’s going to enjoy another woman’s company.

    It’s exhausting and dumb. I get tired of it. I have wasted countless emotional time with these thoughts. Hours of crying silently in my car or a private place. I haven’t told anyone about this, not even my man. I’m afraid of everyone, including him getting mad at me and ending it based on how weird and crazy it sounds.

    I’m blessed and know this he’s the real deal. I pray every day for that one day the movies of nonsense don’t play in my head and I can fully enjoy US. He’s a special person who deserves the best. There are times I want to end our relationship because I feel and know he can have better. I’ve mentioned it a few times to him that he’s could do better then me….he just looks at me and says the same. I’ve never been in this type of relationship where a man actually has the patience he does with someone as messed up as me. He sweeps me off my feet and tells me every day he loves me and how blessed he is to have me in his life. Amazing.

    Writing and sharing this does make the healing process easier. Hope that everyone with the same issues or similar find that they are not alone.

    Reply
    • September 5, 2019 at 2:01 am

      I’m relieved by your comment because it means I’m not alone. I’m not sure how to resolve my issues. I feel sorry for this person I’m in love with sometimes. He understands and is so just amazing. Sometimes I think that there’s so much temptation out there. It really messes with my head. I keep a lot to myself as well and suffer in silence.

      Reply
  • June 25, 2019 at 1:01 am

    Only yesterday I might have lost the best girlfriend I’ve probably had because of trust issues it’s true what some of things that I read that I just expect I’m going to be hurt again deep down I know she won’t as she herself has had a difficult past but that is why I’m googling on ways to fix my issues because I want to fix my trust issues & be happy

    Reply
  • July 14, 2019 at 1:41 am

    A short story of mis-trust.

    He (Jerry) lives with his wife Renee in Tri-Cities area in a ground floor of a small and rented apartment. This apartment is quite open with the upstairs where the landlords – Irene and Anton – live. There are no locks and chains on the doors between these two separate households as people are really trustful and live in decent and acceptable harmony with each other. Irene and Anton have two adult dogs and soon are leaving for a several day trip. They are asking their friend, Sally, who resides some 15 miles away and has plenty of time to come to their place, live there for a while and baby sit their dogs while they are away.
    Sally, who’s not known as a person who likes cooking, comes up to Renee and asks her if she could also cook the dinner for her in the days when she stays with the dogs upstairs. So Renee, all panicking and in negative shock reaction, comes to her hubby and says, “I don’t want to cook any additional meals, I go to work every day and need a relaxing time after it, Sally could come here and spend some time after dinner, call her and tell her that I will not do that.” – something of that sort. Jerry, who works too, wants to clear the non-convenient situation and fend off Sally from his wife, picks up the phone and calls her right away. In a short conversation he generally says that “we normally don’t practice doing these things”. Renee, who didn’t want to call Sally with that information, is happy that her hubby did that for her. The case seems to be closed and quickly taken care of but did it?
    Several days passed when Sally came to live upstairs with the dogs when Renee pays her an unexpected visit with a fresh cake she has just baked and says, “Sally, I would never refuse cooking for you when you are here, there’s no problem for me to do this for yet additional person, I don’t know why Jerry told you that I won’t…” – something of this kind of conversation. From one sentence to another, the conversation swings to the subject of – generally speaking – men and how “different” they are. Fresh coffee made by Sally and new cake help continue conversation on many personal subjects.
    All of a sudden Jerry comes back home and learns about Renee’s (sort of…) secret get-together with Sally and about what she told Sally that was different from what he had told her in the phone conversation that Renee wanted him to say but she didn’t want to do that herself.
    Now Jerry feels back stabbed by his own wife Renee who started something that he can’t name in usual words once everything was done and dealt with when he phoned Sally with the rejecting request from Sally at the beginning of the case.
    What do you think happened? – Jerry’s pure backstabbing or he just overreacted in this whole case?

    Reply
  • August 14, 2019 at 1:19 pm

    I didn’t find this helpful at all. In today’s world where letting your guard down means putting your life on the line, the author really needed to give concrete examples of how to hurt well and why that matters. I am left feeling that the best way to deal with it is to not risk being hurt at all…and to acquire body armor while I’m at it.

    Reply
  • December 29, 2019 at 1:38 pm

    I’ve had a lot of trust issues I was just in a relationship he wanted me to do a favor for him I told him I was through this before not seeing him before he left to work in another country he was mad at him because he though I dint trust him

    Reply

The discussion section is closed to new comments for this blog.