6 thoughts on “Double Trouble: Two Bad Habits That Kill Relationships

  • March 4, 2015 at 9:05 am

    I would like to know about work done in this area for parent/child relationships– can you point me to any scholarship or research? I felt the same way about the “bid” article in the Atlantic that got so much press.

    Thanks.

    Reply
  • March 4, 2015 at 10:49 am

    and if you keep bringing up things that he has done that may have “hurt you” doesn’t it seem like after a while, you just become a complainer? I understand that the big things need to be discussed but what about the little things? and there are always so many little things….

    Reply
    • March 5, 2015 at 4:57 am

      Hi Linda,

      It is usually the little things that are left unsaid that hurt a relationship the most and anything that you do not share becomes a whithhold leading to a wall between you and your partner. I also believe that if you find yourself repeating the same thing again and again that there is a fundamental problem there.

      Reply
  • March 4, 2015 at 11:04 am

    A retired psychotherapist (individuals & couples) I learned from the late, great Herb Cohen, M.D., that “hurt feelings usually precede anger.” There is often a gender gap: admitting hurt feelings is usually harder for men than for women. Knowing that, a therapist can reach for the connection carefully, often with good results.

    Reply
  • March 4, 2015 at 11:40 pm

    A boyfriend from two years ago contacted me two days ago. He wants to get back together. I’m just a little concerned, as he has no changed. I have been trying to contact him to let him know hoe I feel and her does not return my calls. I’m a little confused as to why he wants to reconnect yet he doesn’t respond. Should I take him back, or just forget about him? Any help would be considerate.

    Reply
    • March 8, 2015 at 10:33 pm

      He contacted you to see if he still has any power over your emotions. He wanted to have his ego stroked by having you respond. The more aggressively you respond, the bigger an ego boost that is for him. But his actions are proof that he is not really interested, or he would be talking to you or visiting you, right? He’s toying with you. I have been toyed with. See the carrot? Want it? Too bad. Can’t have it. Tell him to go feed his carrot to another ass. Good luck. I know it’s not easy.

      Reply
 

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