Home » Blogs » NLP Discoveries » Maybe You’re Only Seeing What you Want

Maybe You’re Only Seeing What you Want

Egocentric narcissismWe all have wants and needs. Other people play key roles in meeting those wants and needs. That’s how it works.

So maybe you’re so bent on getting what you need that you only see the parts of others that meet those needs, ignoring the rest. Then it backfires and you’re upset. This is narcissistic, but probably a common form of narcissism.

For example:

Someone in your life who is impressed with you and appreciates what you do. You love this. This person also has problems with other things you do, however. This upsets you because in your mind this person is there to appreciate you.

You hire someone because of his high tech skills. He’s also a jerk. You need his tech skills but become enraged at the jerk that comes with them. In your mind, the whole person isn’t considered, just the part you want, the tech skills.

Your wife is the sweetest person you know. You even call her sweetie-pie. She’s not sweet all the time, though. When she’s angry and difficult, well, you didn’t sign up for the angry, difficult wife, just the sweetie-pie.

Are you compartmentalizing what you see in others?

Do you only acknowledge the parts of others that you want to see and blame them for operating outside of that box? It’s worth taking a look at how you might be doing this. I’m looking at the people in my own life with the same questions. It’s eye-opening.

Maybe You’re Only Seeing What you Want

Mike Bundrant

Mike Bundrant is the author of Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage and co-founder at The iNLP Center which offers online certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and life coaching.

No comments yet... View Comments / Leave a Comment



APA Reference
Bundrant, M. (2018). Maybe You’re Only Seeing What you Want. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 9, 2020, from


Last updated: 18 Jan 2018
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network ( prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on All rights reserved.