So maybe you’re so bent on getting what you need that you only see the parts of others that meet those needs, ignoring the rest. Then it backfires and you’re upset. This is narcissistic, but probably a common form of narcissism.
Someone in your life who is impressed with you and appreciates what you do. You love this. This person also has problems with other things you do, however. This upsets you because in your mind this person is there to appreciate you.
You hire someone because of his high tech skills. He’s also a jerk. You need his tech skills but become enraged at the jerk that comes with them. In your mind, the whole person isn’t considered, just the part you want, the tech skills.
Your wife is the sweetest person you know. You even call her sweetie-pie. She’s not sweet all the time, though. When she’s angry and difficult, well, you didn’t sign up for the angry, difficult wife, just the sweetie-pie.
Are you compartmentalizing what you see in others?
Do you only acknowledge the parts of others that you want to see and blame them for operating outside of that box? It’s worth taking a look at how you might be doing this. I’m looking at the people in my own life with the same questions. It’s eye-opening.