Egocentric narcissismAn email confession from a self-identified narcissist:
(reprinted with permission)

I identified with your thoughts on helplessness.

I feel helpless when someone tells me what to do. I also feel helpless when anyone contradicts me.

I need to learn how to cooperate with others. If I learn how to cooperate with others, I can overcome my passive-aggressive narcissism and stop acting like a big baby – maybe?

I wonder if there are other helpless narcissists who know they are helpless, passive-aggressive narcissists?

I think it’s possible to know you are a passive aggressive narcissist and still be a passive aggressive narcissist. Because it’s possible to understand that you’re a passive aggressive narcissist and still not be able to stop being that way. And I wonder how many of those people, myself included, want help.

So, let’s try to figure this one out. I mean, I really want to try to figure this one out for myself.

Hmm. I wonder if wanting to figure it out myself is my narcissism attempting to solve a problem in a way that only creates more narcissism. So maybe I should include other people in trying to solve this problem?

It seems so basic. And now I feel pathetic and my pathetic feelings are narcissistic. I am trapped in a loop of self-pity and self-indulgence! Help!

Suggestions for how to deal with the narcissistic helplessness.

1) Yes, definitely include other people. Don’t expect them to solve the situation. Yet, it’s a good idea to include feedback from others, especially those affected by your narcissism.

2) Identify what triggers your helplessness. Specifically, the incidents that happen immediately before you feel helpless. Feeling helpless commonly leads to feeling angry. It’s as if you believe someone put you in a situation in which there are no good options. Anger is the natural result.

It’s important to pinpoint the helplessness. Backtrack from the anger.ย  Sometimes the anger is easier to identify. Still, it’s important to get in touch with the helplessness and at that point identify new options to resolve it.

Are you a narcissist with a question? Email [email protected] if you’d like anonymous suggestions that may be featured on this blog.