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Does this Man Have Philophobia or Fear of Falling in Love?

FEAR of falling in love philophobiaPhilophobia is defined as the fear of falling in love or fear of emotional attachment. What follows is a real story from a man who suspects he suffers from philophobia. His fear and pain are palpable.

Disclaimer: This man’s description of suspected philophobia is based on reported events, but is not attributed to a single, identifiable individual. No diagnosis of philophobia or any other disorder is intended, nor should one read this as a clinical assessment or medical advice.

I have been reading articles all over the internet in search for a reality check for a problem I’ve been experiencing lately. I think it might be philophobia – fear of falling in love.

Essentially, my life lately has been better than ever– from the outside. I’m a living my passion (music) and have the opportunity to perform regularly. It’s a blast, really. So much in my life is going well and I  should feel more grateful, but I spend my time obsessed with my problems.

So, in terms of philophobia, I have a wonderfully supportive girlfriend who is there for me in any way I need and makes me want to build myself up to be a better person every day. So it seems that I should feel just fine and not have a single doubt or worry about my life, especially not philophobia.

But that is not the case. In fact, I sometimes get paranoid that one day everyone is going to turn against me and I will be forced to come to terms with some life changing aspect of myself that I’m not even aware of yet. Is this a symptom of philophobia?

Philophobia and my relationship with my girlfriend.

An extreme worry stems from believing that I never truly loved and appreciated my girlfriend and will never able to. This despite the music I’ve written for her, the adventures we’ve embarked on together, and how comfortable I am just being around her. Philophobia makes me think don’t love her enough and she deserves someone who can do better.

Well, it would be one thing if the philophobia feelings were coupled with knowing  I should leave, but the thought of not being with her hurts me more than it ever did with anyone else. My friends can see our relationship for all the wonderful things it is, but I often find this sinks me even deeper into philophobia!

Am I just scared of being in a relationship, period? And the better the relationship gets, the stronger the philophobia?

I am aware that the entire philophobia problem is within myself, but I don’t know what needs to happen in order for me to truly appreciate the situation that I have made for myself. This concerns me a lot because I don’t want to miss out on this part of my life with her and I also know that I would horribly regret leaving the person who has been the best thing for me I ever had.

She has given me a desire to do my best that no one else ever has and I owe her the same effort. I don’t want to assume this wasn’t meant to be, or that the stars weren’t in alignment for this to work because I really feel like when you make the choice to be with someone, that relationship can be stronger than any relationship based out of infatuation.

I used to have a huge ego, and nothing I did could live up to it. Once I was in a relationship based out of lust and felt like I was on top of the world. Right? I could talk for hours about how open and accepting I was of all kinds of things, but when it came to the action of it, I was the exact person I preached against.

The better the relationship, the worse the philophobia!

It seems that the more I have avoided being that person, and focusing my energy on actually doing well rather than pretending I have good intentions, the more I have felt like I have philophobia. It’s backward and I wish that realization itself was all I needed to snap out of it.

I am just so confused and I don’t want to hurt anyone else in the process of learning how to resolve the philophobia so I can be normal – okay with the person that I am. I have even worried that if I ever let myself feel okay that there is some horrible karmic punishment waiting for me for not feeling bad about my past actions toward women.

Still, I’m aware that worrying isn’t going to change anything at all, ever! I just feel like I have a really backward, flawed perception of life, and really want to be able to appreciate my situation as much as the next person. I want to allow myself to be affected by others and truly feel the love that is given to me, and that I attempt to give to others.

If you think you have philophobia:

Seek the opinion of a licensed clinical counselor for a proper diagnosis. If your concerns are validated, begin to honestly work on the issue, possibly discovering its cause. The more you learn about philophobia, the better equipped you will be to manage or resolve it.







Does this Man Have Philophobia or Fear of Falling in Love?

Mike Bundrant

Mike Bundrant is the author of Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage and co-founder at The iNLP Center which offers online certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and life coaching.

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APA Reference
Bundrant, M. (2017). Does this Man Have Philophobia or Fear of Falling in Love?. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 13, 2020, from


Last updated: 8 Mar 2017
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