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How to Find out Who you Are – Three-Point Breakdown

Topic: How to find out who you are

finding out who you areHow to find out who you are by discovering your life values…

Life Values and Who you Are

If you’re wondering how to find out who you are, you could be a prime candidate for a life values inventory.

Finding out who you are is closely related to what’s important to you as a person. This is the territory of life values.

Most people discover how to find out who you are through a life values inventory, which can be extraordinarily helpful if you’re new to life values. This is an article that explains in detail the role an effective inventory plays: life values inventory article.

Here’s a three-point breakdown showing how to find out who you are with the help of life values:

You’ve got to starting somewhere. Life values is a great place to begin discovering your true self. Why? Because the topic of life values touches on what’s most important – your highest priorities – in life.

1. Life values: A clear path to discovering who you are.

Who are you? This is a tough question because it’s so broad and vague. Additionally, the scope of possible answers is often too large to be very helpful.

You could answer the question who are you by saying:

Your name
• A human being
• A role you play: father, husband, wife, mother, boy/girlfriend, executive, stamp collector, tennis player, actor, musician, friend, lover of the arts….and so on ad infinitum.

Why not take a more direct path to finding out who you are?

When you discover your life values, you learn what’s most important to you, which is a clear reflection of who you are. Let’s look at two examples.

Person A Values:

• Community
• Integrity
• Inner Peace
• Spirituality

Person B Values:

• Success
• Productivity
• Wealth & Prosperity
• Teamwork
Motivation & Drive

Of course, there are a lot of details we don’t know about person A and B, but can’t you already begin to identify with them? Are you getting ideas about with whom you might connect more? Do you see how understanding life values might be a solid step in knowing who you are as a person?

This brings us to life values point #2 as it relates to finding out who you are…

2. Knowing your life values helps you find out who you are by association with like-minded people.

Human beings are social beings. You became who you are by association with – and through the interventions of – other people. It’s very difficult to separate out the role of other people in forming beliefs about ourselves and the world. We’re all carrying around the messages we’ve received from others throughout life.

A big part of our identity, then, is a social identity, which is defined through association with the people in our lives. Many roles we play cannot exist without other people: Father, mother, husband, wife, friend, companion, lover, neighbor and so on….are meaningless outside of a social context.

When you understand what’s most important to you in life – your life values – you can clarify who you are by choosing your social circles based on compatible values. You can have great clarity in your relationships, too, as you see yourself reflected in the people around you.

3. Understanding your life values helps you set the right goals.

Find out who you are by setting goals that match your values…

So many of us set goals for the wrong reasons. What are the wrong reasons? Those that contradict your life values. You might set goals based on needs – like money and companionship and so forth. However, life values should also be taken into consideration.

Imagine the goals of person A and B above. Now, imagine person A being persuaded to set goals around the values of person B (due to pressure from others). What might happen?

For one, he probably won’t find fulfillment pursuing such goals. Secondly, he won’t discover himself at deeper levels – he won’t be learning who he is by moving toward things that aren’t really important to him.

Your goals are related to who you are. When goals and values aren’t aligned, you become divided. Inner conflict is the result.


How to Find out Who you Are – Three-Point Breakdown

Mike Bundrant

Mike Bundrant is the author of Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage and co-founder at The iNLP Center which offers online certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and life coaching.

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APA Reference
Bundrant, M. (2017). How to Find out Who you Are – Three-Point Breakdown. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 4, 2020, from


Last updated: 1 Feb 2017
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