Then I can sympathize with you. A good marriage can be an emotional, physical, psychological, and financial foundation for a stable life.
When your marriage is in question, life can feel so uncertain, and therefore unsafe.
Worse, a bad relationship can actually kill you (slowly). Addressing the uncertainty around saving your marriage is important.
At the same time, it’s not an easy puzzle to resolve, is it? You want to get back to feeling good about your marriage, and therefore your life, but determining whether or not you actually can save your marriage is a complex subject.
Nobody can determine if your marriage can be saved other than you and your spouse. Still, you may find it helpful to read the following thoughts about what might make saving your marriage more or less likely. Bear in mind these thoughts are based on clinical experience, not scientific data.
In other words, you are the one to decide if the following four points are valid
1. When BOTH spouses are engaged wholeheartedly in the process of confronting the issues and transforming the relationship, there is the greatest likelihood of success in saving the marriage.
When just one of you is invested in the process of turning things around, there is much, much less of a chance. It really does take two. One person simply cannot do the work of two people. Note that investing in the process involves words, actions, and a commitment of time – and often money – to propel the effort.
2. Speaking of time, if you’re willing to spend hours of time every week communicating about your issues – expressing feelings and understanding each other – then your chances of success are greater. Not a few minutes here and there….but HOURS of time every week. Forget television. Forget the internet. Devote A LOT of time to communicating with each other.
3. If you can make the decision to act MATURELY with each other, it helps tremendously. Get off the auto-blame roller coaster. Stop raising your voice. Stop reacting in the heat of the moment. Sit down (back to those hours of time per week) and talk matters through like adults.
4. Being willing to take the other’s point of view is another huge help. Literally imagining what it’s like to communicate with you from his or her perspective…that’s what it requires. Are you willing to see life through your spouse’s eyes? That’s a huge plus!