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Closure Within Reach! A Simple Way to Finish Unfinished Business

Unfinished Business Unfinished business consists of issues related to the past. These past experiences continue to preoccupy and affect present day choices.

Fear, discouragement, confusion, lack of purpose, and even long-standing relationship issues can be the result of unfinished business.

In other words, messages that you received about yourself or others in the past may be getting in the way of a healthy and happy present.

One effective way to finish unfinished business is to discover an unanswered question in the mix. Here are some examples of unfinished business and the resulting questions.

Examples of Unfinished Business from the Past Getting in the Way of the Present

One man felt insecure around other men. He’s always felt like he didn’t belong among men due to his strained relationship with his father. Deep down he resented his father and was not even sure his father loved him.

His unanswered question: Did my father love me?

A woman had problems trusting men. In the past, men had taken advantage of her and caused her significant emotional pain. She wanted to find a good man, but whenever she got close to one, she became flooded with doubts and skepticism, even when she had no evidence of inappropriate behavior.

Her question: Are there trustworthy men in the world?

One very intelligent and creative woman found it difficult to relate socially. To her, the conversations were too often boring gossip and meaningless debate over movie stars, consumer products, family drama, etc… .

Growing up, she was always the smartest kid in class and often reminded that she should do more to fit in with the ‘regular’ kids. She chided herself regularly, as she assumed that something was wrong with her. She felt like she should be comfortable with anyone, any group and interested in any topic of conversation.

Her question: Is it OK to simply be myself, even if I don’t fit in with most people I meet?

The solution for those with unfinished business: Answer the unanswered question.

First, you must discover the question. Then find YOUR answer to it – one that feels most true to you. It could time and digging to come to terms with your answer. Still, it may lead you out of the dilemma of unfinished business.

Of course, some of these questions will raise other questions. Yet, a series of good questions can create a very productive path forward!

Reluctant to finish your unfinished business?

Here are a couple of ideas that might help. If you fear the answer to a question, then it might help to realize this is all about finishing up unfinished business. For example, if you wonder whether or not a parent loved you, you may be afraid the answer is no. That would be painful if you settled upon that realization.

Even so, settling on an answer is all about closing out the question and letting it go. Questions that have answers can ultimately be set aside, even when they require a grief process.

Unanswered questions tend to linger and create self-doubt, confusion and preoccupation. This will tend to get in the way of embracing the present.

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Closure Within Reach! A Simple Way to Finish Unfinished Business


Mike Bundrant

Mike Bundrant is the author of Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage and co-founder at The iNLP Center which offers online certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and life coaching.


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APA Reference
Bundrant, M. (2015). Closure Within Reach! A Simple Way to Finish Unfinished Business. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 14, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2015/09/a-simple-way-to-finish-unfinished-business/

 

Last updated: 22 Sep 2015
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