By Mike Bundrant of the iNLP Center
If you’re not ‘comfortable in your own skin’, then this article may tell you what the real issue is.
Being comfortable in your own skin may be another way of saying:
I am comfortable with my own power.
If you’re comfortable with your own personal power, then:
• You can express your opinions without fearing rejection
• You can set boundaries without fearing rejection
• You can direct other people, where appropriate, without fearing rejection
• You can dress, speak, act and move about your life without fearing rejection
When you fear rejection, you withhold your personal power, which is your right to be just as you are.
When you fear what others think of you, then you are giving unnecessary power to them to determine how you feel, what you do and even what you think on your own private time.
If this is the case, then you are rendering yourself powerless and a slave to the whims of others.
It’s imperative, however, to remember…
All of the above is happening based on your own projections. In other words, you are making yourself powerless over what you believe about others, not the others themselves.
You withhold an opinion because you think another might be offended. This doesn’t mean that the other would actually be offended.
You say yes to a favor request so that the other person won’t think you’re selfish. This does not mean they would, in fact, think you’re selfish if you did say no.
You wear plain, drab clothes so that others won’t think you are an attention hog. Of course, this has nothing to do with what others might actually think when they encounter you in fancy clothes.
It’s all your projection; your false anticipation of some form of rejection.
So we could sum it all up by saying that being uncomfortable in your own skin is similar to anticipating rejection at every turn. What you think, say, feel and do is subject to perpetual scrutiny and criticism.
This phenomenon is definitely enough to make anyone uncomfortable in their own skin. At the iNLP Center, we call it a rejection attachment.
Given that everyone deserves to be comfortable in their own mind and body, it makes sense that anticipating rejection is a form of self-sabotage. It’s as if you doom yourself to rejection before you even give others a chance to respond in the real world.
Others may actually reject you in the real world. It doesn’t happen nearly as often as we fear. Yet, it is still a possibility. Interestingly, it is usually much easier to deal with rare cases of actual rejection than it is to deal with the perpetual, self-inflicted and ever-present anticipatory rejection of self-sabotage.
The key is to begin to see your powerlessness as, not actual powerlessness, but the powerlessness of self-sabotage. Realizing it is self-sabotage, you can then imagine what life might be like if you were to stop self-sabotaging. What is your potential as a non-self-sabotaging person?
This is where your potential is the greatest.
If you’d like to learn how self-sabotage works in your psyche and how to overcome to pervasive force of negative psychological attachments, such as a rejection attachment, then you are invited to watch this free and enlightening video. More than 100,000 people have watched this video over the last three years. Many have reported that they have never encountered anything else like it. If self-sabotage is your issue, then this is the education you need.