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Your Favorite Fear: A Novel Approach to Healing Anxiety

fearWhat is a favorite fear?

It’s your most familiar and most automatic fear reaction. A favorite fear is your mind and body’s pre-programmed response to specific situations.

Favorite fears are learned early on in life when you had no conscious choice. Therefore, they can feel like they are part of your makeup as a person. This also makes favorite fears seem impossible to let go.

Favorite fears are part of what I call psychological attachments. Even though we do not like or enjoy the emotional dread and misery, it can feel like we are attached to them. In other words, we cannot seem to escape favorite fears. Wherever you go, there they are!

What can you do about favorite fears?

Even though favorite fears are formidable, there is much you can do to overcome them. Here are some suggestions.


Merely accepting that you fear – and prefer (deep down) to fear in a preferred manner, is a huge step. At this point you are no longer attempting to avoid your fear. You cannot solve any problem that you insist on avoiding.
Acknowledging the issue is priority number one.

Get Specific

In NLP we learn that getting specific can change your world. Suddenly, vague ideas and emotions become crystal clear. Clarity can be very freeing when it come to fears.

Getting specific about social fears, might reveal certain patterns. For example:


• Some people are afraid of being ignored.
• Others are afraid of attention – being singled out or put on the spot.

In Relationships

• Some people are afraid of being rejected.
• Others are afraid of being controlled
• Still others fear being deprived of what they need

In Families

• Some people fear becoming just like their parents.
• Others are afraid of failing to live up to parental expectations.

In Life

• Some people are afraid of failure, so they don’t try.
• Others are afraid of the pressures and expectations of success.

Getting specific about your favorite fear gives you a starting point to go to work on it.

Go Deep

One of the most effective ways of working with long-term emotional patterns is to address the root cause. In many cases, the root cause is a deep-seated pattern of self-sabotage. With self-sabotage, we are pre-programmed to act against our best interest. So, we need to access those scripts and rearrange the way they play out in the world.

It may seem odd that so many of us are programmed to fear and fail, but it’s true nonetheless. In fact, we even develop favored ways to go about it. If you discover your favorite way to fear, then you can also discover the antidote.

Revealing the roots of self-sabotage – how you came to subconsciously embrace self-sabotaging emotions like irrational fear – may be part of the antidote. The process often reveals AHA moments that can change the course of your emotional life. To start this process, watch this free and enlightening video.

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Your Favorite Fear: A Novel Approach to Healing Anxiety

Mike Bundrant

Mike Bundrant is the author of Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage and co-founder at The iNLP Center which offers online certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and life coaching.

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APA Reference
Bundrant, M. (2015). Your Favorite Fear: A Novel Approach to Healing Anxiety. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 13, 2020, from


Last updated: 14 Jul 2015
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