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Two Reasons You May Not Feel You Deserve Happiness

Hindu cool young man depressed gestureWhen all the psychological smoke is clear, there remain only a couple of reasons why many of us feel undeserving of happiness.

1. You’ve been treated poorly by others in the past (including your parents). Because of this poor treatment, you concluded that you do not deserve to be treated well. Additionally, you do not treat yourself well, which leads to unhappiness.

2. You’ve violated your own moral values and hurt others to such a degree that you feel you deserve a life sentence of personal misery.

For the majority of people, reason number one is the culprit. Some of us have indeed hurt other people beyond the norm in society, but not many have done this. Most people have hurt others, but in typical, non-criminal ways. This doesn’t justify hurtful actions, but it also doesn’t mean that you can never be happy. You need to make amends where appropriate.

If you genuinely feel that reason #2 applies to you, then you should begin to make amends to those you have hurt. This will put you in a position to be forgiven and ultimately forgive yourself. If you are not willing to begin this process, then you might be self-sabotaging your happiness.

Getting past historical poor treatment by others requires you to pay attention to old messages that are still playing in your mind.

• Internal images, memories, may arise frequently that remind  you of the mistreatment.

• You may hear old voices in your mind, criticizing your every move.

• Old, familiar, negative feelings that accompany you throughout the day.

Or, you may simply feel empty inside. The emptiness may be a sign that you are repressing old, painful information. Unfortunately, repressing negative feelings leaves you closed to positive feelings as well.

There are a myriad of modalities and therapies that may be helpful to clear your past and move on with full emotional freedom. However, none of them can be helpful if you don’t come to the sobering realization of what you are doing.

In other words, realizing that you are hanging on so tightly to the past is the essential first step.

I am hanging onto my negative past as if I need to keep it around.
I won’t let it go because….

Why won’t you let it go? When you know the answer to this question, it can be a significant turning point in  your life.

One simply reason many of us unwittingly sabotage the present by holding onto the past is known as psychological attachments. Psychological attachments keep us stuck in old thoughts and feelings as if they were old, familiar friends. Learn how these kinds of negative attachments create self-sabotage by watching this free and enlightening video. 

Two Reasons You May Not Feel You Deserve Happiness


Mike Bundrant

Mike Bundrant is the author of Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage and co-founder at The iNLP Center which offers online certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and life coaching.


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APA Reference
Bundrant, M. (2015). Two Reasons You May Not Feel You Deserve Happiness. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 21, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2015/05/two-reasons-you-may-not-feel-you-deserve-happiness/

 

Last updated: 28 May 2015
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.