Throw out convention.
It’s time for some counter-intuitive tips to increase your self-esteem.
These self-esteem tips work. And they will work for you if you practice them with an open mind.
One of the hallmarks of healthy self-esteem is self-respect. Self-respect involves accepting and honoring every part of you. Let’s stop pretending that our darker natures don’t exist and begin to respect ourselves on every level.
The following tips will move you squarely in that direction.
1. Inner critic? Listen to it as if it were your best friend.
Most people cringe at the eerie sound of their inner critic.
You can’t do anything right!
There you go, screwing everything up again.
You’re such a loser.
Who wants to hear such evil messages? Yet, these messages come from you. And there is a lesson in them if you can get beyond the surface.
Luckily, getting beyond the surface of your inner critic is not difficult. All you need to do is listen calmly. Try it. Say to yourself, “This is just an inner voice. What if it were my best friend? I am going to listen until I learn something valuable.”
If nothing comes, then simply ask the voice, “What are you trying to teach me?”
Try it. You’ve got nothing to lose here.
If you really want to get to the bottom of your inner critic, then read this book, which takes on the voice of your inner critic to tell you all it’s secrets.
2. Those low feelings? Tolerate them consciously.
Sometimes we act as if we can’t tolerate our own feelings. We become victims to our own moods. Yes, bad feelings can be tiresome and even terrifying, but they are tolerable. What if you took a different mindset, such as “I can tolerate whatever feelings come my way.”
Then, it really helps to label what you are feeling. In fact, research reveals that people who are prone to depression don’t specifically know what they are feeling. They tend to get caught up in bad feelings that are generalized – not specifically labeled.
Is it grief, sadness, resentment, discouragement…or what? Each feeling requires something different to resolve. You often will not be able to deal with it and let it go until you consciously understand what it is.
3. Lack of self-discipline? Be honest about it.
How do you feel after you made choices that reflect a lack of self-discipline? Angry, frustrated, humiliated, or discouraged? The self-respecting thing to do is make a bold statement of truth to yourself. You can formulate it this way:
Rather than make a discipline choice, I choose to feel ___________ instead. Fill in the blank with your feeling.
This is a self-confrontive method that accomplishes a few things:
1. It’s honest and therefore self-respecting.
2. It forces you to label your feelings.
3. It highlights that feeling this way is the natural result of a choice.
Practicing this little formula will do wonders for your self-discipline and increase your self-esteem over time. 85% of participants in the free 5-Day Willpower Boot Camp report an increase in willpower – and self-esteem – when employing this and other simple methods.
4. Self-sabotaging behaviors? Understand their deeper purpose.
Why do people do what they do? Seems like all of us can make choices that leave us scratching our heads?
Why did I even go out on a date with that person?
Why do I overeat when I know it’s so bad for me?
Why do I stick my foot in my mouth so much?
Why do I complain about feeling empty, but won’t embrace a life purpose?
And so on.
There are reasons why we sabotage ourselves. The problem is, these reasons often lie outside conscious awareness. The solution is to expand your awareness.
Start by assuming that you are seeking whatever you’ve got, even if it’s not what you want. What are you seeking that you don’t want?
Most likely, you are seeking it because it has an air of deep familiarity. You’ll need to learn to let go of what’s familiar and embrace something new.
Mike Bundrant is author of the book Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage.
Follow Mike on Facebook here.