I’m thinking of developing a workbook to help people claim and champion the inner adult.
Here’s why: So many of us, myself included, do not simply march into adulthood without getting stuck. We struggle with leftovers from the past.
Emotional habits developed in childhood have a way to sticking to us with some sort of psychic glue. I call this glue psychological attachment.
So, doing “inner child work” makes perfect sense, right? Heal the inner child so you can let go of the pain and angst from days gone by. I agree.
Yet, if we don’t have our minds clearly focused on the prize – emotional freedom, maturity and adulthood – if we don’t consciously develop the skills and mindset of an adult, there is no guarantee that healing childhood pain will yield success in the adult world. It can only help, but there is no substitute for developing adult skills.
What are adult skills? I suggest four fundamentals.
Clarity, open-mindedness, responsiveness, self-discipline. Let’s contrast these with their more childish counterparts.
Clear vs. Confused
The inner adults seeks to clarify what’s most important to you (values) and what you want in life. So many of us remain confused, purposeless and unclear about the direction our life should take.
Adults have skills to get clear. Children are easily overwhelmed when it comes to complex topics such as this one.
Open-minded vs. Self-righteous
This area focuses on being right vs. being open-minded. The inner adults seeks to discover the right course of action for self and recognize that other adults have the same privilege. Insisting that you are rights and other are wrong – acting self-righteously – is not an attribute of the inner adult, but of a petulant child.
Responsive vs. Reactive
The inner adult seeks to respond to other people and circumstance in a way that leads to problem solving. This skill set moves you beyond reacting to situations and toward being in control, regardless of what is happening around you.
Discipline vs. Self-Sabotage
Getting where you want to go in life requires taking consistent action and avoiding the pitfalls of self-sabotage. The inner adult realizes that “if it is to be, it is up to me.” Adults don’t wait around for others to take care of things. Adults practice positive habits, take things one step and a time and keep moving forward toward the objective.
Possible tools/tutorials included in the workbook:
1. How to clarify values and life purpose, relatively quickly and very effectively.
2. How to set goals that are motivating.
3. How to stop insisting on being right, peacefully allowing others their own actions and opinions.
4. How to stop overreacting to people and situations and handle problems with more intention and resourcefulness.
5. Probably lots of stuff about maintaining boundaries.
I’m afraid that people might find these topics a bit dry. What you do think? Exciting stuff or too boring to bother with?
You can leave your comment here or on my Facebook Page.