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Control

Living With Normalcy…And Very Nice It Is Too

There's something about normalcy: When you're living in normalcy, it's easy to take it foregranted because it's comfortable. But sometimes, it's hard to perceive "normal" because abnormal (i.e. narcissistic abuse) is all you've ever known. And even if you're living in normalcy now, the instant anything goes wrong, you fly to Battlestations Red Alert, dukes up, adrenalin racing, just waiting for it all to be blamed, somehow, anyhow, on you.

But if you've never lived in normalcy, let me tell you about it. You'll have to forgive me if this article rambles. But maybe that's because I live in normalcy now. And normalcy is relaxed and rambly.


Original pyrography artwork by the author. To see more and commission a personalized woodburned oak plaque, click here! www.lenorathompsonwriter.com/artwork-by-lenora.html




Boundaries

Will Power – False Guilt’s Legacy

False Guilt: The strongest tool in the narcissist's toolbox for manipulation and control.

A lifetime of bearing-up under crushing false guilt has given you and me a strong will...and an extremely high threshold for emotional pain.

I realized this the other day when I was pondering on washing walls. I know, I know. What a weird topic to inspire an article! Well, hang in there. It'll get interesting. I promise!



Catatonic

Narcissistic Invalidation: No Likes, No Dislikes, No Emotions, No Opinions, No Nuthin’

As a little girl, I noticed a puzzling difference between me...and all the other little kids at school. They had strong likes. They had strong emotions. They had strong opinions. They had strong preferences.

I DIDN'T.

Fast forward thirty years and the same is true, but to a lesser degree. When faced with a decision, I agonize over what is the right, the moral, the wise, the unselfish thing to do.

It never occurs to ask what I want to do. What I would like to do. What would make me happy.

Welcome to narcissistic invalidation.



Control

With Illness Comes Clarity

I'm sick today. I was sick yesterday. I may be sick tomorrow. My husband's sick. "It hurts to smile," he groans. "Heck! My eyebrows hurt!"

But illness can be a mixed blessing. One exists in an in-between world of not-quite asleep and not-quite awake. But with illness comes an odd kind of mental clarity. Things fall into perspective. All my day-to-day pursuits suddenly seem incredibly unimportant.



Codependence

Traumatized Poodle Seeks Traumatized Owner

I'd always wanted a poodle. I seemed to have a special rapport with every poodle I met. They were sweet and gentle, like me. So on the Saturday morning when little Cleo appeared for adoption on the Animal Humane Society's website, I was smitten.

Two hours later, she was mine. All ten pounds of skinny, violently trembling peach colored fur with the big brown eyes, a huge nose, a wildly wagging stubby tail and horrendous doggy breath.

Four years later, I finally know why Cleo and I had such an instant rapport. On the inside, we're the same. Even between species, vibes speak louder than words.



Anxiety

Narcissism VS Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness (Pt 2 of 2)

As we celebrate the great and glorious Fourth of July, I'm driven to contrast our self-evident inalienable rights of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness VS narcissism. America was established as a haven where hard-working, self-governing men and women could escape from the despots and dictators who sought to control them.
And hasn't every despot and dictator that ever lived been a narcissist? Of course they have!



Boundaries

Narcissism VS Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness (Pt 1 of 2)

On the 4th of July, the USA will celebrate Independence Day. It was our Declaration of Independence that stated that all people, regardless of where they were born or what country they reside in, possess certain "inalienable rights." Why? Because we are endowed with these rights at conception by our Creator. They transcend borders and trump colors and creeds.

The inalienable rights that are your birthright are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

But if you live with a narcissist, your Life sucks, you don't have Liberty and they'll be damned if you pursue Happiness.