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clairvoyance

Narcissists’ Clairvoyance and Carrying Our False Guilt to the Nth Degree

When you look back at old photographs of the narcissistic parents who raised you, does it ever seem utterly incongruous that you were ever in their charge? Their child? Sometimes I look back and think, "What was I doing there!?" I look at online copies of my parents' Senior High School yearbooks and think, "And they became my parents. To me, they were God on Earth. What was I thinking!?!"



General

What Now!? Life After Narcissistic Abuse

There's one "good" thing that can be said for narcissists: they sure keep life interesting! They provide lots of mental fodder to keep "the little gray cells," as Hercules Poirot called them, fed, watered and grinding away. I'm not saying it's good fodder that uplifts us or makes us happy. No! But mental fodder is mental fodder. The brain isn't picky; it just needs something to "chew" on. Misery works just as well as anything else — sometimes better!



General

Common Sense, Humor and Other Lessons Narcissists Don’t Teach their Children

As I reparent myself after a narcissistic upbringing, more and more I realize, as if for the very first time, facts about life and living that are so basic they're like dirt. It underpins everything but no one ever talks about it.

Narcissists may teach their children many things, both good and bad. I learned how to change a tire, bake bread, fill out a Form 1040 and to distrust and loath myself. But I didn't learn how to think about life and people (including myself) in  a realistic way with clarity and yes, even humor.

In this longish article, I'm happy to share with you the common-as-dirt life philosophies I'm discovering and learning.



General

1 Thing Modern Parents Are Doing SO Wrong

"Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset," sang Topol in Fiddler on the Roof. "Swiftly fly the years." And in the twenty years that have swiftly flown since I graduated High School, another generation has been born and grown up. Yet the modern parenting style seems oddly familiar. Not new, fresh and enlightened but old, threadbare...and loathed.



General

No Contact: The “Fly in the Ointment” No-One Talks About

It's popular to express nothing but vitriol towards the narcissists we've loved and left. But I wonder: is there another side to the story? As aggressively as we embrace No Contact and as angrily as we tell the stories of narcissistic abuse, are we not whistling to keep up our courage? Is there not a secret "fly in the ointment," even in the bliss of narcissist-less No Contact, that no one talks about.



Dr. James Dobson

Good vs Evil: A Tale of Two Women Called “Lily”

This is a Holocaust story, but not in the usual sense. It's more a tale of good vs evil. A tale about one young Belgian Resistance fighter named Lily and, sixty years later, a young American woman who always used "Lily" as her online screenname. Two "Lilies" who share the same favorite flower: lily of the valley. This is a tale about different people's perspectives on good and evil from two women who shared the same perspective.



Boundaries

Self-Sabotage and other Micro-Rebellions Against Being Controlled

Even "well-meaning" control is still control. When we think of control, many clichéd situations come to mind. We think of someone, like the infamous David and Louise Turpin, who locked up their children.

But subtle control is as damaging as extreme control. Control can masquerade as "positive," for example, someone who believes they know best how we should dress, accessorize, act, speak, think, walk, live because "I want you to be the best you can be." Someone for whom we are, well, to quote my friend, "Not a person. Just a Project." Even this "well meaning" control, is still control. And control is always inappropriate, bad and usually backfires.



Forgiveness

Have You Forgiven Yourself for Staying With Your Narcissist So Long?

It's a fascinating question inspired by one woman's experience in a cult-like university in South Carolina. At the end of her shocking tale of abuse she wrote, "I have since forgiven myself for allowing myself to stay there and be hurt for that long."

Have you forgiven yourself for being with a narcissist? For staying with them for "that long." To be frank, I haven't. There's always a lurking self-blame which inspired me to write I was Complicit in my Own Narcissistic Abuse in 2017. Two years on, I still blame myself for staying until they grudgingly allowed me to leave.