5 thoughts on “Why Can’t I Cry? The Importance of Self-Compassion

  • February 3, 2016 at 10:06 pm

    I completely relate. Whenever I see teenaged girls crying, I feel enraged. In fact, when I see well-dressed, pretty teen girls, I feel,angry. i was never, ever allowed,to cry. My father’s terrifying violence multiplied whenever we cried. I also was not allowed to be dressed attractively. I resent my lost teen years.

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    • March 5, 2016 at 12:18 am

      I too was never allowed to be young. I had to make up for it in my thirties!

      ~ LT

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  • April 15, 2017 at 6:20 pm

    I got chills reading this, because it’s the first time I’ve read someone else describe how I feel so clearly. I was raised in an emotionally abusive household, and as a teenager I was very emotional, but at some point in my mid teens I started refusing to let people see me cry and eventually that evolved into a complete inability to cry. Even if I wanted to. I still tear up at a touching video or song, but no actual tears are shed. I’ve recently realized just how bad its become, when I was completely unable to cry at my great-grandmother’s funeral 6 months ago. I wanted to cry so much, my heart felt heavy and my eyes burned, but nothing else happened. I felt so hollow.

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  • August 23, 2017 at 10:14 am

    I myself don’t remember being abused as a child, I do remember having to be strong for everyone else …being the oldest of all the siblings I always feel like I was in charge of defending them and doing everything to protect them; as I got older I became the strong one and became the one that everyone around me looked up for comfort and I became everyone’s rock. I never cried because that was a sign of weakness and I couldnt allow myself to be seen as such. I always had a clear mind, always knew what needed to get done.. but never cried. The only time my kids have seen me cry was when my husband passed away several years ago.. now that I’m an adult I find it difficult to cry.. there are days when I sit in my living room and stare outside I feel the crying inside of me but it just won’t come out.. it’s difficult to understand why and it’s even harder to try to explain why.
    Reading this article somehow made me feel like I’m not alone
    Thank you–

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  • September 29, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    I have tremendous empathy for everyone but myself it seems. I can cry for others pain and loss, and do anything to help relieve their stress. But for myself I feel frozen. I never felt I was from an abusive family. My parents never argued etc etc. I took them (my mother) on her word that the problem lay with me. I just couldn’t measure up to their expectations and how I might reflect her parenting skills. Looking back of late I begin remembering such things as being told: “oh you look so ugly when you cry. Nobody will like you”. Yikes. Talk about warm fuzzy love! I never dared show weakness at least for myself, and as a result turned such care toward everyone but myself, not wanting anyone to feel so alone. I didn’t even know until I had my own children that parents ever told their kids they were loved. That chain is broken thankfully, and if I can’t cry still, they know they are loved for themselves no matter what.

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