7 thoughts on “The Happiest Abuse: Enmeshed Emotional Incest Seems Wonderful Until It Destroys You

  • January 13, 2020 at 4:21 pm

    Thank you…”It’s not Agape love…”. How astute and sussinct.

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  • January 13, 2020 at 4:38 pm

    Completely unrelated to this post, but: I sent my No Contact letter today!

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    • January 13, 2020 at 4:44 pm

      So proud of you! Let us know what transpires.

      Reply
  • January 15, 2020 at 3:34 pm

    Excellent article! You explain the concept of emotional incest so well: “the child walks on eggshells so the parent gets away with murder”. Can’t wait to hear more from you!

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  • January 17, 2020 at 9:30 am

    can you relate it tobthe picture you refeer from start? i found this tolic very ibteresting explore in myself, not being a spooned kid, but middle chikd fmout of three boys, i have strong attatchements with my mother. i have a recent photo similar to the one you present in this article, not of my wedding, but my fiancé and I, with my parents and a physical attatchebt with mom seemingly closer that with my fiancé.

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  • January 18, 2020 at 4:03 am

    I really enjoyed this article and the view point from the child being a victim of a parent that perpetrated the emotional inceat. However, I think that this concept can also apply in reverse. Children are often the narcissist and the parent is codependent. Parents equipped with unhealthy, misguided parental skill perpetuate and allow the child to be the perpetrator of emotional incest and give in to it far too long. The parental behavior is usually a distorted version of love, motivated by guilt. They almost certainly set poor boundaries with their children and ignorantly assume they are keeping their children happy and giving the extra love. I see this occur most often single mothers. They are usually pleased with the emeshment between them and are unaware of any issue until they begin a romantic relationship or their child gets older and the parent becomes frustrated by the childs lack of independence. I hope this makes sense and validates or puts into words feelings about what anyone may encounter but lack a way to describe it. This article certainly gave me a way to describe what I am tryin to convey here. I think its important to state that the child’s narcissism was allowed to remain past early childhood and was fostered by the parents behavior. However, the parent primarily raising the child may or may not be narcissistic themselves but often isn’t while the absent parent often is. But the parent is always codependent with the narcissitic child if not the absent parent as well. Its really a terrible game no matter how the cards are dealt.

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  • January 21, 2020 at 4:52 am

    So very helpful, thank you so much for your blog.
    In my case it was my mother who enslaved me via this form abuse.
    It seems to me now that it was indeed a “textbook” emotional incest. I was my mother’s only source of romance, and, so I was told, she was a very romantic woman, hence I always felt the urge to demonstrate my endless love for my mom by writing her poems and bringing her large bouquets of flowers. In consequence I had no life as a teen and a young adult. Until the age of 30 I had no boyfriend, nor was I allowed to mention any plans for having my own family in the future. The sole purpose of my entire life was to be the constant supply of mom’s emotional needs. Yet, one time I fell in love with a man – then mom’s narcissistic rage began. She destroyed that relationship, but not even that was enough for her. Later on she launched a cold-blooded, calculated comprehensive revenge, she disowned me, slandered me, made everyone believe I was “crazy”, she cut me off my father and siblings (as I live abroad it was easier for her) and excluded me from the family inheritance. My mother performs all these criminal acts against me with reference to her grand love for me and to my so-called vice that I have left behind my dearest, sweetest mother for the sake of a “devilish guy”.

    On another point: everyone in our family and circle of friends applauds my mom and her grandiose love for her daughter while thinking of me as the “devil” itself.
    If I try to tell the actual story to any old friend or family member in the old country, I am shunned even further. This demonstrates how little known this form of abuse is, and how vital it is to raise awareness.

    What I find similarly shocking, when it comes to narcissistic abuse, the victims of such abuse are typically held responsible if they are unable to recover from the abuse and become normal. We can read a vast amount of material by both laypersons and experts who label the victims of narcissistic parenting “covert or inverted narcissists” if they are unable to get over the past and be happy anyway.

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