3 thoughts on “Your Personality Post Narcissistic Abuse: I Used to be Such a Nice Person

  • July 18, 2019 at 2:30 pm

    I began realizing there was a problem in my family back around 1996. It took till 2012-2014 to successfully complete “No Contact” with the help of my new spouse. A spouse that had no intentions of being brow beaten into ambiguity via a narcissistic mother-in-law.
    The first time I heard the phrase malignant narcissism was in my therapy for PTSD, Anxiety, and Agoraphobia back in 2010. I began reading anything and everything I could get my hands on about dealing with a Narcissistic Mother.
    Today I stumbled upon your blog. Everything you described and all your stories felt like you had a window into my world. For me, my NM did not call the police, she called CPS. As a matter of fact she called CPS every year with lies. Every year for 6 years I had to endure investigations. I was even investigated for “instability of home” because my spouse had military orders for us to be stationed in Japan for 4 yrs. In some aspects these orders were a Godsend. My biggest mistake was I allowed my children to continue VERBAL contact with her. After all, “how much trouble could she cause from half way around the world” right? Plenty is your answer. Unbeknownst to myself and spouse she had been playing the smear campaign on us. Triangulation anyway she could. She had attempted it with my current husband before we married and it didn’t work. So I guess my children were the next targets. The last time I was able to speak to my son was May 2016. He was in college in the states. Out of the blue, he called me screaming at me and blaming me for things I had no control of (his grandfather’s heart attack and a failed vacation he was planning.). The cost of forgiveness? Allowing my NM, his grandmother, unlimited access to my social media for viewing. He just got married this last April and you can bet I was not invited. I didn’t raise a stink, cry, etc. I found comfort and focused on the impending visit from my daughter and grandson flying in from Germany for the wedding. I also focused on my step son’s military graduation/elopement. In the mean time of arranging travel to Texas and baby proofing my home etc, I began to receive “wedding planning catalogs” in the mail. I verified with my Step Son’s fiancé that she hadn’t been sending them as everyone was like a knife in my heart concerning my own son. So I called the company to not only stop the catalogs but find out where they got my address. Customer Service had me read off a code on the back…my information was submitted to them via website. I canceled the catalogs and went back to focusing on the positive to come. Then out of the blue my daughter called me and told me that “if we come to see you, you can’t hug, kiss, touch your grandson…you might make him sick.” My argument was how can I make him sick if I myself am not, and wouldn’t he stand a bigger chance of getting sick taking him to Puerto Rico for vacation? This was a grandchild that my husband and I Skyped all the time. We couldn’t understand why we were not going to be allowed to touch our own grandson in our own home? Surprise! Rather than come here as planned before the wedding, they spent extra time with my NM. I tried everything I could think of to see my grandson. The cost of “forgiveness”…I had to apologize for planning to attend my step-son’s graduation/elopement. I had to apologize for a $2000 (yes 2 not 20) car I bought that I needed to get to my job. Still I have not heard from her or my grandchild in months now. Even my other family members see what my NM has done. I have not spoken with the woman in 5 yrs, but because I allowed contact with the grandchildren I got to deal with judgements via my own children. One of my memories include being told by my daughter when she was 4 that I “was dressed like a w****”. I didn’t consider jeans and a tank top to just pick them up from NM house inappropriate. I cried for days. I was never again comfortable wearing anything but sweats to her house…even in 100 degree heat. Thank you for your stories and bless you. They remind me that I am not alone and that are at least some that will not look at you like your defunct because you didn’t “score” and get the mother others seemed to have. I guess the main thing I would want anyone to get from my story here….”If you go NO Contact….so do your children”. There is no middle ground with a Narcissist. A Narcissist treating your child better than they treat you as their child, is NOT them being a better grandparent than parent. It’s them adding to the flying monkeys, and their supply.

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  • August 21, 2019 at 8:54 pm

    I loved this article, Lenora! You always have a knack!

    As for the poster above, I read every single word. You have been through hell! I have been exposed to quite a few stories like yours, and it seems they mostly go in this direction. Heartbreaking.

    But in the very, very rare case that it doesn’t go in this direction (it seems that enmeshed religious families have the most brainwashed members), contact with one’s family after no-contact with the family abuser can be a source for a lot of anxiety because of the porousness of information. In other words, it can suck the life out of you in its own way.

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  • August 29, 2019 at 1:56 am

    I don’t miss the old me, before my life got hijacked by a true socailpath/narc/phychopath… I used to be a people pleaser and always was happy. I was gulible and an easy target for everyone that needed someone to blame, steal from, gossip about, abuse etc… But not until one day I said that’s enough, I got a 5 year, 1000 foot restraining order against a little man that thought I was a punching bag, then when a new female neighbor caused me so much drama, that I grabbed her by the throat and threaten to drag her face up and down our gravel road. She thought since I lived alone that I was an easy target. She has no idea how dangerous I can be. I’m glad this all happened cuz I didn’t realize how bad ass and strong I was.

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