19 thoughts on “3 Emotions that Identify Subtle Abuse and Disrespect

  • February 25, 2019 at 5:46 pm

    That was so great! So many things I’ve felt but not understood. I was interrogated often times.

    Infantilization, Oh my!!! She tried her hardest to keep me a baby. As a teen, she wanted me to be her counselor, a peer, her spiritual advisor, until it didn’t suit her. Then I was disfespectful. It was all so confusing. But I could not pin all these seemingly irritating, but not a huge deal, into one thing, until I began to learn about narcissism.

    Thanks Lenora!

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  • February 25, 2019 at 11:13 pm

    I have learned to take no shit. If I feel like someone is treating me unjustly, such as the woman at this grocery store did to you, my response would be this:
    “First of all, if I am the only person you order this milk for is be then WHY is it a problem that I buy all four gallons of it. Second, if you are not ordering enough product for YOUR customers, that is NOT my problem. It’s yours. THEN you have the audacity to mark it way up to $6 per gallon. Perhaps if you wouldn’t price gouge the hell out of your groceries, you’d get more business. Since OBVIOUSLY MY BUSINESS is a burden to you, I’ll be going elsewhere. And when karma slaps you right in the face, I will sit back and laugh. Have a nice day!” Then I’d walk out.

    I will NEVER take crap from those who feel superior to me ever again. MY narcissist made me realize that I never have to put up with such treatment, it doesn’t matter who they are.

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  • February 26, 2019 at 7:35 am

    I have/had a 10 yr older sister who so obviously hated me from the time I was born. She was already a narcissistic 10 year old by the time I came along and was so jealous of me cause I stole the limelight away from her, concerning our parents. And so it began. The insulting, weird, mental and sometimes even physically demeaning and mean control. This went on until I became an adult. I’m now 63 years old and after our dad passed and all the legal ties we’re over, I stopped contacting her. I’ve had way too many bad choices and problems in my life that stemmed exclusively from her and her husbands bullying and looking down insulting attitudes toward me and my lifestyle. I feel much better. Never going back either. Thanks for this article. It really hit home.

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    • March 7, 2019 at 2:15 pm

      …Exactly ! 😌😁

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  • February 26, 2019 at 9:45 am

    Wow! Best of your articles to date! Spot on. Great message on letting go self doubt and building confidence. But most of all – recognition of triggers and how to handle!

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  • February 27, 2019 at 11:40 am

    Thank You for this. Spot on.

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  • February 27, 2019 at 2:19 pm

    A great article Lenora! But then again I love all your articles – you articulate so well.

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  • February 27, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    Thank you so much.
    I don’t know how long I’ve been needing to hear that I am not crazy, stupid and wrong!
    I hated the fact that someone else could make me doubt the one thing I knew I could count on(my gut instinct) or myself for that matter. Thank you so much Lenora! God Bless you.

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  • February 27, 2019 at 5:42 pm

    Men can be victims too! My ex girlfriend was a narcissist, but I didn’t notice it until, after a while, I realized that I was deeply unhappy and overwhelmed with guilt because it seemed I could never do anything right in the relationship. My self-esteem had also been shattered without me even realizing it. I started to ask myself why I felt this way, and realized it was because I had been being subtly manipulated for the entire relationship. I broke it off as soon as I realized this, but she reacted by lashing out in an emotionally hurtful and socially unacceptable way. Then she asked for me back a few weeks later. Fuck that! I blocked her on all social media platforms and we haven’t spoken since.

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  • February 28, 2019 at 8:31 pm

    Awesome article! So validating. Thank you for writing and posting it!

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  • March 1, 2019 at 2:26 pm

    Okay, wow, yeah, “intense feelings of shame when your conscience doesn’t feel like you did anything wrong” hits the nail on the head.

    “I’m beating you because I love you enough to try to make you into a better person” is another good one.

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  • March 7, 2019 at 2:12 pm

    … BAM !
    Ka~Boom !!

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  • March 7, 2019 at 2:21 pm

    …Do IT !! 🙌😁

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  • March 8, 2019 at 7:21 pm

    I had an unpleasant incident today. I went to see my psychiatrist today, and it’s in a bit of a questionable neighborhood. A guy came up to me, and was acting weird. He thought I ought to just give him a cigarette. Nope. I charge $1.00, because I don’t have much extra money, and it’s an expensive habit. He mumbled a lot. Said toss me a cigarette, and not one you already smoked off of. I thought how rude, but reluctantly gave him one. Then, he ran off to catch a bus. No payment, not even a thank you! If my big, bodyguard of a son had been with me…probably wouldn’t have happened. I just let him go, without a word, and found comfort that karma would get him. Ugghh. Really hate ppl sometimes!

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  • March 12, 2019 at 2:18 am

    I definitely recognize the shame/blame/control triad you describe. For me, though, I’m always so SURPRISED when someone (particularly someone I hardly know) has the audacity to be so brazenly and aggressively inappropriate. I’m ALWAYS caught off guard by this kind of thing and don’t know that I’ll ever catch my balance quickly enough to supply a pithy comeback. But, really, is there value in “taking on” these bullies who are also virtual strangers? What could you or anyone have possibly said to the creepy store owner that would have made her care about (or even be aware of) her passive-aggressive manipulation? I’m not convinced that meeting that kind of aggression (from a stranger) with anything other than a vague nod and a tight smile would be wise.

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  • May 7, 2019 at 7:35 am

    I really relate to these feelings. would get them a lot after interacting with my father. It has taken a lot of self doubt before i was able to accept that maybe his invalidation and constant put downs and belittling were a subtle form of emotional abuse? I could accept (just about) that the threatening, screaming, false accusations, blaming, name calling, he used to do to us kids and my mum were abuse, but this other thing seemed so small and subtle. the hardest thing is that i wasn’t an innocent type of victim because he often would “pick on” me about genuine sins and character flaws i had- eg being overweight, being shallow and getting angry easily and being too sensitive. So yeah he was right to correct me but the way he did it, hurt.

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    • May 7, 2019 at 1:18 pm

      Part of the problem is that these narcs have radar for your weak areas and regularly highlight them. An example in my case is that I am an introvert and was shy. So that meant I was ‘weak’. So instead of helping you get past this ‘weakness’ by building up your confidence they keep shining a spotlight on it. As my mother was covert, she rarely called me abusive names but the message still gets across that somehow you are a deeply flawed ‘sinister’ person and not good enough. This is abuse. In fact I think this kind of abuse can be even worse than obvious name calling.

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      • May 8, 2019 at 6:43 am

        I was also a shy introvert, and was told that it was selfishness and I needed to try harder. I was shamed for it, and even my sister, who is not a narc and is quite lovely in many ways used to be very contemptuous of my shyness. i think she saw it as an attention seeking thing. it really wasn’t. i was scared of people and could not trust

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      • May 8, 2019 at 10:28 am

        I wrote an article stating that introverts are NOT broken extroverts. It might be healing for you.

        Reply
 

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