8 thoughts on “Liar! It’s Either Us or Our Narcissist

  • September 30, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    I just have to say…… I love you & I love truth about covert, lying, snaky, narcissists. They will and do change everything you thought you knew about everything. It’s disgusting behavior and to be able to treat someone with ill intentions and such abuse to make someone not even in touch with reality anymore should constitute a jail sentence. Or some kind of corporal punishment to them.

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  • September 30, 2018 at 4:54 pm

    TRUTH!
    This post is right on. Thanks for writing it.

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  • September 30, 2018 at 6:46 pm

    Thank you, it was such a relief to read this.Yes he has been around friends & family & they now feel sorry for him although he cost me everything in my life.

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  • September 30, 2018 at 9:45 pm

    Yeah, maybe the flying monkeys didn’t see all the abuse. Maybe the enablers didn’t know everything. But they knew enough to know what my narcissist was capable of, and therefore I know that they know that what I have said did, in fact, occur. I imagine what some of my enablers would probably say if they were capable of telling the truth. What I have come to realize is that what some of the enablers would say would show that they have a warped sense of right and wrong. My enabling grandmother would say, “Standing by your abuser proves what a good person I am. Your abuser has a problem, and I am teaching you that hiding and enduring that abuse makes you a good and moral person. You are loving and covering up for a person, no matter how badly they hurt you, and that is the holiest type of love.” Then there was my enabler father. I think he was just using me to protect himself. If my enabling father told the truth he would say, “I’m a coward. I’m weak, and not very smart. I had to go to work, and I didn’t like my job. Then I had to come home and put up with the narcissist. Everyday was a horrible battle that had no end, and it was easier to let her abuse you so I could watch tv. The only way I could get any peace was to teach you to protect me.”

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    • October 9, 2018 at 9:49 pm

      Wow Unah. I never in my years of researching narc abuse (unfortunately because I’ve lived it for decades) have I ever heard someone declare that a family member encouraged you to stand behind your abuser. I don’t get it!

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      • October 10, 2018 at 5:17 pm

        I don’t understand it either. She was really religious, and she seemed to think that enduring abuse, covering it up, and keeping it a secret was being like Jesus. She would make excuses for the abuse saying that the person was sick, or stressed, or whatever, and we needed to forgive and pray. She really thought that the abuser would one day see how good we were, and then they would change, and it would be because we had been so faithful. Keeping the family secrets was a moral imperative. People finding out about how bad the abuse is was way worse than actually being abused.

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  • October 1, 2018 at 1:34 am

    I’ve received threats as well for things I’ve written on my website: accusations of “false facts,” “defamation,” and not being “all there.” Despite the fact that I’m the kind of person who used to tell my teachers when they forgot to mark one of my mistakes on a test. But instead of giving in, I posted a more general disclaimer:

    “Everything in this website is my opinion based on my understanding of the facts. It is a personal website from my point of view, a journal, a diary, and not meant to be used as a factual reference.

    “…The information, details, incidents, opinions, etc. I present, I make good-faith attempts to make them accurate to the best of my knowledge, but I am biased to my perspective. Any inaccuracies are not intentional. Others may disagree with my assessments. Names are changed to protect the guilty and the innocent.”

    In other words, nowhere do I say that I’m making things up or dramatizing them. Instead, I state that I work hard to make my story accurate and true. And yet it seems to have held off lawsuits. 🙂

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  • October 2, 2018 at 12:12 pm

    You have struck a chord with me- quite deeply. I feel EXACTLTY as you have described…

    I am now 7 years removed from my ex and am suffering from his abuses still. Not only am I dealing with every point that you made, including a 3rd attempt of CPS involvement to take my children away, but my current husband and I have been playing clean-up to our detriment. We are now homeless- yes, HOMELESS- due to all of the court battles and lack of financial support by the narcissistic jerk towards the children we made together and lack of extended family support and we are being questioned as if we were drug addicts in a perpetual cycle of addiction/recovery…”oh, that MUST be the reason you have been homeless twice in a year”…

    No.

    We had begun a custody battle and began receiving accusations of drug use (my ex is racist and assumes all black men with dreads deal and/or do drugs) when we went through a house fire in November, lost our belongings and pets, that’s when the court battles started…he used our misfortune against us. Then 4 months of missing work and being homeless (living in an extended stay) because of the court battle lead to double job loss for my current husband and I. We recovered, got new jobs, then got a house that was required to keep CPS and the ex’s attorney pleased to be able to keep my kids with me…it was a double income rent. Then I got pregnant and lost my temp-to-hire gig. We won the court battle (my ex finally settled as long as we took off a large chunk of his owed back child support) and we agreed to reducing the arrears by over $3k just to be able to move on with our lives. That settlement was supposed to come within a month. And like a true narcissist, my ex took his time knowing we needed it and spun the truth so that money- that would have filled the gap of our financial loss- was heavily delayed, then we lost the house we had just acquired 4 months prior. Now we are back to the mercies of the hotels.

    Our whole family wants to disown us from shame: his mother calling us “bums” and bad parents, my mother taking me aside and saying resentment and blaming doesn’t fix anything and it’s not my ex’s fault at all.

    yes, truth will set you free-eventually. In the meantime, we feel lonely and lost and find that not one person will hear the truth about to what extent my ex narcissist will go to make me look bad. My husband and I are both exactly as you have always been- tell truths to our own detriment, even as kids. I haven’t lost my children physically (yet and hopefully not) but I certainly have lost them as far as their innocence and core selves. They have been stifled emotionally and choked of their inner beauty and potential.

    Thank you for shedding light. I hope that your article will be useful in helping clear up someone’s life.

    My God bless you!

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