6 thoughts on “Oh, the Subtle Disrespect of Narcissists

  • September 26, 2018 at 1:43 pm

    This is superb, Leonora, and sums me up completely! It started with my mother and I continued to accept it from so-called friends ever after. It took me years (as you say ‘years!’) to realise that I’d learned to make relationships with people who had no respect for my boundaries and I couldn’t see that I was allowing that. Unfortunately, it’s made my boundaries a little too high now but I find it so much less stressful.

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  • September 26, 2018 at 5:20 pm

    And I bet it never occurred to her that she didn’t have to eat all the icecream if it was too much for her. No, that would have meant that she had to control her own impulses- not exactly the narcs specialty. You did not deserve such rude, obnoxious behavior!

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  • October 11, 2018 at 10:50 am

    Such an affirming post. You’re a very talented writer. I really enjoyed reading your experience and boy, can I relate. How very revealing that your guests somehow considered themselves on the ” codependent* end of the spectrum? So many people who are extremely self centered somehow delude themselves into believing that they themselves are people pleasers ? It’s a very confusing aspect of our journey because these are the very people who are takers and who are disguised as givers and who trample upon the hospitality of others. No compassionate or decent person would ever behave as they did. I could sure tell you some similar stories yet I now dislike remembering how pathetic I was and how much insanity I tolerated. I’m a 54 year old married female and it’s taken me all my life to overcome my doormat disposition but I’m happy to report that I’m not that woman anymore. I’m happy for you that you have developed those much needed strengths and boundaries and are not allowing people to mistreat you anymore.

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  • October 25, 2018 at 12:30 am

    Thanks for sharing your stories. Wow can I ever relate. For years, I tried to get people to like me by laying down and letting them walk all over me. And boy did they enjoy it! It’s shocking just how many of them there are walking among us disguised as “nice folks”. They always seem to have their image down just right, don’t they though? I now have had my fence up for years, am lonely but happier and life is less stressful. Occasionally I let a friend into my life, but I’m my own best friend.

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  • November 17, 2018 at 1:45 pm

    Great stories! My houseguest was my mother in law. It was only twice a year for 4 days at a time but the narcissistic behavior was beyond anything I had encountered. We were all “beat up” from the first minute to the last goodbye of her visits. I thought I had to endure her for my husband’s sake but I realized years ago this woman was deeply unhappy, insecure, angry and jealous and no amount of rationalizing why she was this way made it tolerable. Funny end note: my now ex-husband became her legacy narcissist and I got out when I realized there was no hope for living a healthy, balanced, honest life with a man who had no awareness of his mindset and behaviors toward others. Free at last!!!

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  • February 3, 2019 at 2:11 am

    I want to thank you for sharing this story because within it contained validation of my thoughts regarding an incident from my own life, and from someone a lot closer to me.

    This:
    >He just laughed harder. No words, no explanation.

    On the night my SO got drunk, everything began to make sense. We were discussing something sensitive, a subject we hadn’t before because I didn’t know it was a thing. When I said I had no idea, he said: “Well, you could ask.” How does one ask about something that’s unknown unless there’s mind reading? (that’s a separate passive aggressive topic) In any case, I then asked.

    He exploded in laughter, and it was the kind of laughter from his gut, and he didn’t stop. I told him it’s a good thing I have solid self-esteem because a lesser person could be really hurt by that, not to mention it felt like baiting and entrapment. He then said, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be condescending but…” Right. He continued to laugh.

    Finally when he stopped, I could see his upper lip quivering because inside he was laughing and pointed that out. He eventually answered the question, but he refused to answer me after asking twice why he laughed.

    Because the topic was sensitive, and I made myself vulnerable by asking, thinking it was safe to do so and he said I could, I felt this was incredibly disrespectful. And this wasn’t a houseguest. This was my SO and friend of 3 years. Past tense is on purpose – a number of telling incidents that followed told me this wasn’t ever going to be a healthy relationship and I walked away. This was before discovering he fit the covert narcissist profile with 80% match.

    If you ever see behavior that is contrary to the person you know, or you feel disrespected in any way, trust that voice and leave.

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