2 thoughts on “Diary of the Weird Kid at School (Pt 1 of 2)

  • September 6, 2018 at 3:37 pm

    I was both laughing and crying as I read through the horrible diary entries, because these could have been my diary entries throughout the same years growing up. The thinking and emotions represented were so accurate!! I endured an absolute nightmare as the oldest child held to the “‘utmost highest standard of behavior and example” by cult like Baptist parents, while my younger siblings dutifully reported back to my parents any supposed breaches in my conduct so that I could be severely punished and threatened constantly with death. This, of course, took the pressure off of them somewhat, although not completely. As the oldest child, they believed my behavior was responsible for their vindictive god’s blessing or curses upon the entire family. Never mind that both parents were Ns, vengeful, and lacked any common sense or morality – they thought I was to blame. It was a constant daily battle to “follow the rules” which were bewildering and didn’t always have rhyme or reason, nor apply to siblings. In my teens, I determined to survive another day, another week, another year, etc. until I could make it out of the nightmare alive. I always hoped to get my siblings out of the nightmare, too, but they unfortunately had been brainwashed to the point of staying in the craziness and N thinking. For some reason I always naively thought they would come to their senses eventually, but it didn’t happen. I have had to practice No Contact for years for my own safety, although none of them has attempted to contact me for many years anyway. How does one grieve the loss of their entire beloved family, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc? As an adult, I was always the one who reached out to them with love and concern, calling, sending Christmas cards, thinking if I just loved them enough they would choose a different path and maybe think I was worth loving, but they didn’t reciprocate. Now I understand the why of that, and know that I am not alone in this kind of tremendous loss. THANK YOU for your wonderful blog, telling the truth about this journey of healing. I have chosen life and love, and to continue to heal.

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    • November 8, 2018 at 5:55 am

      I wrote the first response shown here while having some strong emotions from reading the article and seeing someone describe my childhood so accurately for the first time. I see one thing I would like to finish commenting on and clarify. My family had repeatedly threatened my life, business, property, etc for years in order to control me, so I made a difficult choice to have No Contact for my own safety. They responded by being revengeful and refusing to let me know when my father and other close relatives died. So if I won’t allow them to harm me at will, they feel justified in trying to harm me in other ways to get revenge. Their thinking is criminal and illogical, in my opinion.

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