5 thoughts on “The Importance of being Human

  • June 30, 2018 at 9:52 am

    I’m 58 yr old female n am just now understanding, at this ripe older age, how narcissistic my mom,dad n only sibling are toward me. I haven’t been aware what this horrible is even called. I thought the perfectionistic standards, I continuously tried to please them all with, were normal in all families. I thought this gritty, fight or flight, high anxiety was in all families. How many yrs have I wasted trying to be perfect. It especially is painful to see myself carrying these traits, n unwittingly projecting them onto the two friends I hv. I don’t want them hurt by repeating my own Narc families behavior. The buck must stop here. I must’ve destroyed countless relationships in just repeating my own narc moms behavior. And I’m only now figuring this out? God hv mercy on me, forgive me of transgressions, I truly didn’t know, until I read this article . Guilty n shame are mainstays in my world my world. I’ve become depressed, PTSD, chronic anxiety n am seeing a therapist. Walking all over my boundaries is something my mom does everyday . I can see that to hv any chance at a happier healthier life, means getting all of them out of it.

    Reply
    • June 30, 2018 at 2:15 pm

      Once again you provided us with very valuable information in your blog Lenora. Thank you for sharing your stories to help us learn and heal.
      Val, I am also 58 years old. I didn’t discover narcissm until after I divorced my probably “malignant covert narc” eight years ago after a 25 plus year marriage. It took several years for me to really understand the subject of narcissism through constant research.
      My early seventies-aged parents encoraged me in to live with them when I was a broken mess after my divorce. I stayed with them for fifteen months. I left my young adult children, who were on their own, to move several states away to have the support I so badly needed.
      It wasn’t until abut two and a half years after I had moved out of my parent’s home and on my own and was part of a healthy relationship with a man who is very supportive, that it dawned on me that most likely both my parents are narcissist and three of my siblings have very strong narc traits.
      Going no contact for just about three years with my parents and eventually no contact with my siblings has been my saving grace. It was hard, especially when they tried every trick they could think of to reel me back in. Val, IGNORE all attempts. I moved, blocked communication, and finally changed my phone number. I felt guilt, triggers, anger, and much more
      They kept harassing me, but after a while I could easily separate their attempts at furthering their abuse from old emotional responses they triggered.
      No contact is so freeing
      Love them in your heart, but cut the iron chains that keep you a prisoner of their constant abusive manipulations.

      Reply
      • June 30, 2018 at 7:00 pm

        My family of origin kept harassing me by leaving regular voicemails and texts on my or my partner’s phone that would trigger me, or by contacting my kids on their social media accounts (which I don’t have) to try to get information. I, and those mentioned above, completely ignored their constant boundary stepping. The grand finale, which I wish I would have thought of earlier, was to simply change my phone number. This action stopped the nonsense. At least I learned just how far they would push in the meantime.

        Reply
  • July 4, 2018 at 10:26 am

    Val – I’m a 64 year old woman, scapegoated daughter of a profoundly narcissistic father and younger sister. It took me well into my 50s to figure out what was wrong with my family and why I had PTSD and extreme anxiety. I went no contact with my father when I was 60 years old, and he died last year. My younger sister continues to try to scapegoat me, blame me for “abandoning” our father, and manipulate the probate process for his estate as she is a co-trustee with our brother and me. As soon as we wrap up the probate/trust business, I will cut her entirely out of my life. Meanwhile, I insist that all communication regarding the trust be in writing (it reduces the lying and manipulation by her). I struggle with depression and intrusive thoughts on holidays such as today but am determined to rid myself of those evil results of a lifetime of being scapegoated and manipulated. You are not alone. Like others say, the best thing you can do is to completely cut these toxic people out of your life. Hang in there.

    Reply
  • July 19, 2019 at 1:21 pm

    Thank you! I am now planning moving 2000 kilometers away from my parents, and I hope and pray that move will work out well. I am looking forwards practicing allowing myself basic self care and learning what and how that really is, living like that on a regular basis. You inspire me. 🙂

    Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *