3 thoughts on “Terrified by Rage, Controlled by Rage

  • May 28, 2018 at 1:56 pm

    Yup. Exactly.

    The reason you develop PTSD/CPTSD from living like that is because it is experienced by the body as the physiological equivalent of living your life trapped in an active war zone.

    You never know when the next bomb will fall, or the next footstep will cause everything around you to blow up. You never know if this is the time the world actually will cone to an end, at least for you.

    To the body, it IS war. It throws you into a continual state of flight-fight-freeze with adrenaline and cortisol flooding your system. Your ability to think and reason dwindles down to the fight for survival.

    We tend to think we are weak because we have PTSD/CPTSD, but really, it means we were normal people caught in an abnormal situation that was overwhelming to us.

    And none of that was EVER our fault.

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  • July 11, 2018 at 8:44 am

    Oh you’ve brought back bad memories! My father was like that! My mother used to face him down calmly to protect us. Then she died and my father married an arch-manipulator. I was 14 at the time. She would see his mood build and then she would “pop the pimple” by sending him my way. A mere hint about “your difficult daughter” and he would kick open my door and rage. Then he could go back to her and her daughters like a lamb. Even after I’d left home that plan still worked, and I’d get letters from him that raged. I’d respond lovingly, but he obviously never read them, never acknowledged them.

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    • July 11, 2018 at 2:14 pm

      Your step-mother may have not even made him aware that you were sending him letters. She may have “disappeared them.” I know someone who does that so her child is convinced “Daddy doesn’t love me.” It’s called Parental Alienation and can occur at any age. So sorry you went through all that!

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