3 thoughts on “Guilt and Money, Money and Guilt!

  • May 12, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    With my narc parents, it wasn’t money as much as it was CONTROL, control, control. When I think of it our dad even controlled when we went to the bathroom when we were younger and away from home. We had to wait till we got home, as he would not stop for us.

    When he got older he had to make frequent pit stops. Gotta love karma!

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  • May 13, 2018 at 8:07 am

    I made a lot of money as a professional after I ran away from home at age 19 and obtained undergraduate and post graduate degrees on my own. I paid for all tuition and college expenses without help from them. My narcissistic father barely graduated from high school but very adept at portraying himself as well educated and authoritative. He also was fired from every job he ever held because no one could stand his narcissism and eventually became self-employed as a small hardware store owner. He and my mother were quite poor while my four siblings and I were growing up. When I began earning significant money at my profession, the gold digging began. They wanted money from me for everything from 2 vacation trips to Europe, a roof on their house, a nice car in their garage, payment of their medical bills, clothing and food. They used guilt to persuade me to be generous with them. They also gossiped about and took credit for my perceived wealth to everyone they encountered, to the point that total strangers stopped me in the local grocery store and asked me how money I had. I finally cut them off financially about 3 years before my mother died and told them to ask my other 4 siblings to give them money because I was done with their gold digging. My siblings did not really provide money to them so my father’s last few years were spent living on social security in near poverty. I now realize that I gave them far too much money and, while I am comfortable in retirement, it would be nice if I still had the hundreds of thousands of dollars I gave to them to use in my golden years.

    So, my experience with narcissists and money is that they believe that all money belongs to them, regardless of who earned it, and that they take full credit for the success of the person who earned the money. The consistency of narcissists is amazing.

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  • December 10, 2018 at 6:51 pm

    Thanks so much for writing this. This article really hit home for me and helps me understand why I feel so guilty spending money.

    My mom died when I was young, and my dad was always very controlling about what I “deserved” to have or use. He could always take himself out to dinner and spend thousands on his computer or gun collection, but I was scolded for using too much soap, wanting clothes that fit, or asking for any groceries beyond the minimum necessities (“Mustard? Why would you need that?”). I never got to visit a dentist until I took myself there as an adult.

    Waiting years to spend $10 on an oriole feeder sounds exactly like something I would do! It took me years to buy a set of cheap inking pens for my art or replace my pair of broken headphones. I hesitate to buy myself anything “fun” even as an independent adult. We’re certainly not alone in this struggle.

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