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3 Comments to
Codependence, Decision Making and the Perpetual Rescuee

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  1. I love your post. The image of you being so excited about hanging up a painting did not strike me as pathetic, far from it. It struck me as a glorious moment of freedom.

    It reminds me of a bus ticket.

    Have you seen the movie Shawshank Redemption? Morgan Freeman is Red, a man sentenced to life in prison after a murder.

    He gets to know a new prisoner, Andy Dufresne, and they become friends. Real friends.

    I will not tell you the details, but Andy Dufresne eventually ends up in Mexico.

    Years later, Red gets released after decades of imprisonment.

    He may no longer imprisoned, but neither is he free. He is released under parole. More profoundly, he is still imprisoned in his soul, trapped in his own habits, expectations and beliefs after a lifetime of prison rules, prison messages and forced conformation.

    Then he makes the bold and scary choice to violate his parole so he can travel to Mexico to see his friend Andy.

    He buys a bus ticket. A simple bus ticket. And for the first time he is truly a free man:

    “I find I’m so excited that I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel. A free man at a start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.”

    Thank you for your post. And a warm hug.


  2. I think this is an important thing to remember concerning the issue of breaking No Contact. When we have whacked up the courage to walk away and set that big a boundary only to go back, it gets taken by the Narcs as evidence that our original decision to skedaddle was flawed, insane, wrong…insert your adjective of choice.

    That sets us up from some intense self-doubt as the love bombs fall heavy around us disorienting us further. And when it all blows up inbtime, as it inevitably will, we are left with even more self-wreckage than we would have had if we had only stayed No Contact.

    We have simply got to remember that love bombs are still BOMBS, and bombs are designed to destroy whatever they impact.


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