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2 Comments to
Sexy, Jealous Narcissistic Moms (Pt 2 of 2)

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  1. Yeah, I have heard a lot about narcissistic mothers turning their daughters into nuns. In my case it was a little different. My toxic family also smothered and infantilized me, but at the same time my Mom is very concerned about me being “normal” and attaining the same milestones other people achieve. She controls my appearance to make me beautiful and elegant, criticizes me for looking too plain when she “wants to see grandchildren” and “other girls are so well-groomed”. Short skirts are not allowed too, but not to make me modest, but to hide my imperfect legs. And my Mom actually chooses good clothes and does not turn me into Amy Farrah-Fowler. My narcissistic and covertly incestuous Dad scolds me for hunching my back and overeating, making myself unattractive. Only my narcissistic maternal Granny slut-shamed me. My family is not as religious and conservative as yours; my parents pretend to be progressive people of common sense. However, as my therapist said, their views on sexuality and femininity are actually from 1950s. It feels like my parents were sending me conflicting messages.
    So, my main problem is DENIAL of abuse and SELF-BLAME for being infantile, not embracing my sexuality and suffering from other consequences of enmeshment. It all is the significant part of my negative self-image. I compare myself with others who grow up and achieve a lot despite their abusive or at least imperfect parents. I only begin to realize that I am not weak and guilty, that maturity is not only finding a job and getting married, but living own happy and fulfilling life. What would be you advice for victims of narcissistic abuse with such complication in their recovery?

  2. Nothing about me as right according to my mother- especially after I began to menstruate. I was always accused of being “boy crazy”, asked questions about whether or not I was meeting boys ” down by the railroad track”(?), and God forbid I would want to wear makeup! My mother proudly applied her makeup- even when she was sick with the flu. When she passed away, she had a permanent lipstick stain on her lips. The undertaker mentioned how “youthful” her lips looked because of the pink hue (ick?). I was not allowed to date until I was sixteen, and then only in groups. She had to approve the boy AT LEAST a week before I said I would go out with him- into my mid twenties. When I was sixteen, I was TEN minutes late getting back from a date (we lived near a train station and there was a train on the tracks- which would have gone by our house so she already knew I was telling her the truth…..), and she took me in for a drug test AND a pelvic exam. I was never allowed to go out with this boy again….So many damaged relationships because of one mentally ill woman.

 

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