9 thoughts on “Narcissistic Brainwashing: How Larry Nassar Thinks

  • January 27, 2018 at 12:54 am

    Dear Lenora,

    I have read your posts for a while now and I still remember the day I realized my mom is a narcissist, it all made sense and I felt relieved that it wasn’t me that was causing all the misery.

    I understand much more now and I realize that she will never change, I am not trying to change her, I have a relationship with her and I still get hurt sometimes but it’s ok, I love her and to me it’s good enough to know that I am not the problem.

    I just became a mom myself and I love my babies very much but I have noticed that lately I am doing things that she does. When rejected I feel very hurt and i am unable to see the pain in others, also I am aware that I am not as generous as I think I am, I put my needs first (before my husband’s), and I am just worried that I am becoming a narcissist myself.

    Is there some advise for people like us? I see how I hurt my husband by acting like my mom did towards me and I want to stop it. Worst of all is how I ignore him and yet it feels like my pain is more important than his. It feels like I can’t trust my emotions.

    Thanks for writing this blog, it has helped me so much.

    Reply
    • January 27, 2018 at 1:08 am

      Hi Gato,

      Good news!! The fact that you “catch” yourself behaving in ways that remind you of a narcissist is a GOOD thing! Narcs don’t catch themselves. They can’t see themselves clearly. They’re not introspective. But you are all-of-the-above! Pat yourself on the back.

      I too am surprised by myself somedays. I think of myself as “so nice” when actually I can be pushy and so immersed in my work and hobbies that I too ignore my husband. You’d be surprised how much our husbands DON’T notice it. 😉

      When you’re raised by a narcissist, you catch “fleas” from them. That’s really what it’s called from the old cliche, “He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas.” That’s what you are worried about: narc fleas you caught. But you aren’t a narcissist just because you have some fleas. For example, just yesterday, I contradicted my husband and then realized later it came from ego. I apologized to him saying, “I’m sorry, Michael. I was a narcissistic bitch.” A strangling sound came from his direction. He was laughing!!!

      Just keep an eye on yourself and try. Apologize when you muff it. Tell your family to call you out when you blow it. They will RESPECT you for your HUMILITY. It takes a strong person to be humble.

      Glad the blog’s helped you. I’m glad I’m not the only person with fleas! 🙂

      ~ Lenora

      Reply
      • January 27, 2018 at 5:24 am

        Absolutely amazing article. It spoke to me so deeply and I really felt the emotions that you were talking about.

        After a lifetime of depression and anxiety and shame and guilt, and every other negative emotion, learning about narcissistic mothers finally made sense of my life.

        Mid-forties, I finally stood up to my mother and asked her, very calmly, for an explanation of her treatment of my daughter, when my daughter was ill. It was something that had always troubled both my daughter and I, and we genuinely wanted to understand what motivated her behaviour on this occasion. Mother stood up, said she couldn’t believe what she was being accused of, and left, never to be seen or heard of again. That was six years ago.

        Your article really helps me understand that, finally, she realised on some deep level that she had been found out for the narcissistic abuser that she is, but the only other comment she made, was that I thought that she was simply never good enough for me, from the day I was born. According to her,she was my victim, from day one, because I didn’t love her enough.

        Your article validates my realisation that she could never accept any blame. There was absolutely no relationship between us, once I challenged her. She wanted nothing more to do with my children. She had never wanted any thing to do with my husband, as she believed he had brain washed me.

        It’s so incredible how these narcissts can carry on in the face of all the evidence against them, but I suppose this shows just how truly damaged they are, and why you just have to protect yourself.

        I would be fascinated to hear my mother’s views on the two current news stories you have discussed. I really felt for the Turpin children, especially in the pictures from Disneyland, where they were all dressed the same. My sister and I were often dressed the same and we were taken on so many “happy family outings”. We were never shackled in any physical way, but I never did anything without my parents say-so, and it never, ever occured to me that I could leave them. Even when I met my husband and left them physically, emotionally, I was still controled by them, completely.

        And to Gato, I would just like to say how I relate to everything you said. Having children was also the start of my healing journey, but it took many years. You seem to have a lot of self-knowledge, whilst your children are very young, so you are not a narcisst and recovery will come quickly, I suspect. Well done to you for facing up to your fleas.

        Thank you. Leonards,for giving people like us much needed validation.

        Reply
  • January 27, 2018 at 12:38 pm

    Dear Lenora!
    Thank you very much for your blog! I grew up in a family very similar to yours with a narcissistic Dad, codependent Mom with her narcissistic Granny. They brainwashed me that they are even LESS controlling, rude and demanding than other parents («You don’t know how other parents bring up their children!”) So, I grew up thinking that my family is perfect. That all treatment I get from them is well-deserved. That my dependency on them isn’t the result of abuse, but my own fault. But they all just smother me: the weirdest example is Granny specially calling me JUST TO SAY that I should consult with her and Dad about different things because no one in this world will be as caring and sincere to me as my family and etc. She calls my desire to be independent and rely on myself…IMMATURE!

    Reply
    • January 27, 2018 at 1:12 pm

      Oh wow!! You just triggered a memory. My parents always said, “No one will love you or care about you as much as we do.” The result was, well, no independence – just like you!!! It felt like a hand on the throat, squeezing the LIFE out of you!

      A few years ago, I was hunting morrel mushrooms in the forest with my friends. Suddenly, I had an epiphany. My parents would’ve been all worried I’d get lost, get ticks, get attacked by a bear…whatever. But I realized that, even though my friends didn’t “love” or “care” as aggressively as my family, they still wouldn’t let anything happen to me – but without smothering the life outta me. They were keeping an eye on me – but it didn’t hurt. And guess what: I came to no harm and I got a lot of tasty mushrooms too!

      Strangers have hurt me a lot less than my own family hurt me. I like strangers better.

      So glad the article was a blessing to you. I was afraid it was a hot mess. Apparently not! 😀

      Reply
  • January 29, 2018 at 8:22 am

    That is the story of my life.
    My childhood. Military. Marriage.
    I remenber the words..wipe that look off your face…and ill knock you into the middle of next week…and your cruisin for a bruisin…and wait till your father gets home. The army was easier. I was a conditioned groomed obedient soldier. My sister told me. Your wife is like mother. Duh. I did not know…but now i know…after 20 years of counselling. I made it. I live alone. I do mot look back. I taught my children how to live successful lives. I overcame

    Reply
  • January 29, 2018 at 12:37 pm

    What are your thoughts on actual false allegations, how would one disprove a false allegation implanted by a narc?

    Reply
    • January 29, 2018 at 12:52 pm

      The problem with narcissists is that they’re so persuasive and appear to be 100% honest. Any attempt you make to prove your innocence will *appear* to be the pathetic, defensive flailing of a guilty person. The more upset you get, the more guilty you look. I guess that’s why I’m a fan of No Contact. Don’t even try; just walk away.

      (Sorry! That advice is probably not what you wanted and not what you needed, but it’s kinda a losing battle, unfortunately. Even if you can present paperwork proving your innocence, the narcissist and those they have brainwashed will not believe it!)

      Reply
      • January 30, 2018 at 12:28 am

        No I agree with you 100% there is no defense from somone that has zero guilt and that has learned to mimic normal behavior. They inturnaly rape everyone they come in contact with. That’s some scrary stuff right there…

        Reply
 

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