6 thoughts on “Realizing Your Dream Life after Narcissistic Abuse (Pt 2 of 2)

  • January 15, 2018 at 9:26 pm

    Love this!! I have my own dreams of what my life could be – away from my evil narc since May 2015. Had my first poetry piece published after I returned to school – published last September and up for a national award. I, too, want to live in the mountains, or at least in the shadow of the Rockies in Colorado, where I actually did live in the 1970’s, when I was young, pre-narc (I think, anyway)….with my new man, someone whom I’ve known since the second grade. We joke that he waited to ask me out for 50 years. But we’re together now, I with a different road-map of what normal looks like…..and it looks very good. I feel safe, wonderful, content, cared-for, loved. Finally. -J

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  • January 16, 2018 at 9:07 am

    Thank you for sharing so honestly in this post and its predecessor. People who have not lived under narcissists find it hard to understand how a grown person can feel as if they must ask permission to breathe in and out. They don’t get why it feels safer to stay very still, doing nothing of any consequence, because that way it will not be attractive and taken, or noticed and wrecked. They cannot understand why steps out into enjoying the world cause anxiety because you are metaphorically scanning while walking, like an extra from Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds.

    I have some plans unfolding at the moment. My life is improving and opening. I would like to share my joy, but I have only let a very few trusted people in at all. Most people have no clue about any of the normal stuff one shares because I feel the need to continue with my life looking as if nothing has changed from a rather crappy status quo. That way, my list of what I want my Life Makeover to look like cannot be found out and trashed.

    Number one on my list therefore is jettisoning enough of this fear and shame that I can move forward in whatever capacity I wish without any thought of what my narcissists would think or say or do about it!

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  • January 17, 2018 at 4:47 am

    I have been separated from my narcissist spouse for just over a year, divorced for 6 months…We share custody of the dogs. He still tries to control me. It is still crushing my life. I don’t know who I am or what I want. I am stuck in the work/tv cycle. I struggle to find things to watch thet dont make me feel.”yucky”… when I should just do something else. I have an SO and the residual effects from my marriage are causing many problems…It feels so hopeless.

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  • January 18, 2018 at 10:46 am

    I’ve begun rebuilding, and that means taking risks/making mistakes. I am in financial distress post-divorce, but I want to return to school and earn a PhD in STEM education. I realize that is where I am happiest career-wise. My narc squashed me down, belittled me, and berated me for not being productive enough. I was the primary wage earner, but he said I kept him from earning more due to my problems. Lenora, I bet you and I could fill a multi-volume compendium with narcissist’s word salad, harangues, lectures, vitriolic rage-spewing, and Bizarro Logic, but life’s too short for that crap.

    I enjoy taking myself on adventures at the park and exloring trails, which I’d always loved but felt guilty doing because the narc didn’t like it. I watch lighthearted and more optimistic fare (he said I had sh!t for brains because I didn’t like The Walking Dead or other movies and shows with dark tones and violence). I finally finished-and highly recommend- Detectorists series 1&2. It helped me a lot recently because I related to the quirky characters and their personal quests. I figure it’s definitely not too late for a 2nd life lived on my terms. I will travel, have kids, help more fur babies, and finish my House of Dreams, just in a different order than I planned.

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  • February 21, 2018 at 8:57 am

    A narcissist will set you up in secrecy for employment termination because they have skeletons in their closet they don’t want to get out. Narcissists will also seek to bring you down because you claim religion in the workplace. They get angry because you refuse to work on Sunday and tell them when they’re wrong. A narcissist wants to be pacified when they’re wrong and be told either they’re right, or not speak against their actions. Call a spade a spade and put them in their place!

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  • September 19, 2018 at 5:30 pm

    I loved your article and it has gotten me to think about how I would like to live my last 30-40 years. This life is too short to be tethered to someone elses ideas of what and who you should be. I am trying to gather strength to figure out how to be delivered….
    Thank you 🙂

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