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Recapturing Your Zest for Life After Narcissistic Abuse


“Why don’t you get a hobby?” my husband suggested soon after I discovered narcissism. But I wasn’t interested in a stupid hobby! Narcissism was my hobby. Learning about it. Reading other survivor’s personal accounts. Comparing notes. Connecting the dots. Filling journal after journal with angry, tear-stained scrawl. Going to therapy. Creating my “Timeline of Abuse” spreadsheet to review for moral support during my nightly bouts of denial. Narcissism was my full-time-and-half-the-night obsession. I’d no time nor interest for bird-watching or whittling.

3 Comments to
Recapturing Your Zest for Life After Narcissistic Abuse

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  1. Wow, you nailed it. I spent almost two years just trying to understand the pathology of my then, wife of 33 years. I could not fathom her double life. Her betrayals that just kept falling out of the closet once the door was opened. How could I have been such a fool? how could she have fooled my whole family and network of friends?.
    Finally when I was satisfied with understanding why she behaved like she did I put my ego aside and had to say to myself now what. I understand her, but I have no idea who I am. So I asked myself this one question over and over…who was I before I met her. What did I enjoy about life before I had met her. I had to go all the way back to my young childhood and work my way back up to just before she entered my life. It worked and I have never been better. I have more friends than she would of ever allowed me to have. More freedom to pursue my passions that I had long abandon in pursuit of “making” her happy. It’s still a struggle sometimes to not wonder why?. Why would someone who had it all sabotage her life like that. Then I fall back on my knowledge of narcissism and remind myself that it wasn’t me. She was the one the deviant personality.

  2. This is just wonderful Lenora! Gradually I started to “unlike” certain pages on FB and stopped reading certain blogs. In Pinterest I started to create other boards which made me happy and stopped concentrating on the boards of narcissism and abuse. I started to do some volunteering work and then got myself a hobby. I started to make a new circle of friends and have low contact or no contact with those that had hurt me or were waiting until the “dust had settled” before they made contact. Gradually, step by step I started to get some joy back in my life. I realised that only I had the power to get my life back and live it how I wanted. My parents still pressure me to “fix” things with the ones that hurt me but my life is getting fuller and fuller and I don’t really need or want to go back there. Keep up the good work.

  3. No time for whittling…lol…it feels so good to begin to laugh again and have more time/freedom to relax instead of trying to figure out the unfigurable mind of a narcissist!

 

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