4 thoughts on “The Narcissist’s Whipping Boy

  • September 26, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    A great article! No we didn’t deserve it, it wasn’t our fault. I could write a book on some of the things that my mother did to me: they were just plain cruel. She did apologise to me years later for her behaviour but you always remember what was done to you. My father didn’t really do anything to stop it. It was the usual “don’t upset your mum’ ‘peace at all costs” etc. But you get to the stage when you’ve had enough of keeping quiet and saying nothing. I know my mother had a crappy childhood: her biological mother left at the age of 7 and started a new family. I know my mother has abandonment and shame issues. I get all of that. But it still doesn’t mean you can mistreat your children verbally, emotionally or psychologically. Yes, as the eldest I was the “whipping boy” or “scapegoat”. But they still wanted me to fix their dysfunctions.

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  • October 20, 2017 at 2:36 am

    I grew up with my mom echoing the behaviors of her narcissist father. Her narcissism, although less horrible than her father’s, led to my becoming the whipping boy and my middle brother becoming a golden child. This led me into a pattern of dating two narcissists before realizing that my previous experiences put a large target over my head for manipulators and control-freaks.
    The first narcissist, I married. I left him after the physical abuse began to threaten our one-year-old baby. He barely saw her after we split, and when he did, he pawned her off on his family. My brother has helped raise her with me.
    Now ten-years-old, her father has remarried a woman with more money than me whom he has convinced to pay for litigation and more in order to handle me since she wants kids… I am a bad mom, after all, according to him! I managed to keep my daughter, but now, she’s at his wife’s house almost half of the time and has nearly every decision for her life bullied by him against her and myself. She realizes what her dad is doing– he’s only nice when his wife is around– and has enjoyed reading links on this sort of behavior when it applies to her. She seems to really appreciate when she can “research” something and make sense of it herself, especially with situations in which my dislike/disdain for what her dad is doing could easily color my interpretation of what is happening.
    I’ll be sending her this link; her dad just had a child with his wife and is a stay-at-home dad, so I fear that new baby will be a golden child, ensuring that my sweet little one is the unfortunate whipping boy. Hopefully, with the proper information and preparation, she won’t end up like I did. It took me until I was 29 to realize how much time and energy my mother, my ex-husband, and an ex-boyfriend of mine wasted. Thank you so much for this post!!!!

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  • December 20, 2018 at 8:01 am

    Thank you for writing this!!! Seriously! My husband was the scapegoat. And I’m just now in therapy. He is so damaged. And my childhood made me the quiet marter. I took on everything everyone put on me. But in therapy now I am seeing that tiny things aren’t my fault and I should not be blamed for the damages caused by my mother in law. An example, my husband will wake up with a nightmare about me miss behaving and for two days I am blamed for his nightmare until we have a fight about it.

    I can see through all the narcissist crap, and I see what a good person my husband is. And I am now learning to set my own boundaries to protect myself. And in doing so I have realized that by not setting these boundaries I allow my husbands ugly side to come out, when I know he isn’t ugly, but the trauma and damage of his mother.

    My question is, does the scapegoat finally heal, or is this who they are?

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  • April 30, 2019 at 12:51 pm

    This is accurate is scary. My mother to a t and because I’ve always been such a people pleaser I had attracted a few so called friends who were narcissistic.

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