12 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Wife and her Henpecked Husband

  • September 11, 2017 at 11:34 pm

    and narcisstic women destroy their children. They’re better off without. Stay away. My mother is like this and everyone feels so sorry for my poor dad.

    Reply
    • December 18, 2017 at 8:29 am

      I have felt sorry for my dad as well but no longer should. I got out, no one saved me, no one helped me. I had to study the situation formally through years of therapy and workshops and books and suffer terribly through being targeted in many situations that replicated the one at home but I indeed separated from the demonic force of my mother, by free will. My father has free will. He WANTS the benefits of his life — to be seen as acceptable to his side of the family (her side is all alienated), to be seen by the public as being in an intact marriage (v. divorce stigma), to be comforted by lack of change (a.k.a., not to suffer the upheavals I have in excavating the poison she issued and which I had absorbed as her target). Additionally, his decision to choose this benefit plan made my mother worse, because it enabled her, and exposed me to worse, including attempted murder. It’s not true that he’s helpless. It’s true that he’s hapless.

      Reply
  • September 12, 2017 at 7:45 pm

    He got off lightly.
    Mine poisoned, beat, cheated, perverse triangulation’d, tortured via food, attempted murder.
    Watch “Married to Medusa”, he plans to out breed psycho’s. It’s possible.
    Good luck guys.

    Reply
    • December 18, 2017 at 8:37 am

      Interestingly identical pattern here, as an offspring, due to the demonic force of my mother. If I get through this life as if free of the programming and the haunting (including attempted murder), it will be a miracle and one that I deserve.

      Reply
  • March 11, 2018 at 6:32 am

    Great insight and thank you for sharing. I think the incident of female narcissism is probably higher than we realize, possibly because men do not complain about it as much as they can or maybe should. Often men just assume women are being over-emotional and they tolerate abuse more than necessary.

    Reply
  • September 6, 2018 at 5:39 pm

    Oh boy, this is very close to describing my parents. They are not as bad as the above story but the part about when the husband comes home from work and the wife does nothing but order him around and insult him…that’s my parents. My dad’s the nicest guy and I’ve never heard him say a bad thing about anyone. My mom is a pretty horrible person who has everyone fooled but me into thinking she’s smart and loving and perfect. OK, there are a few others who have figured it out but mostly she’s got everyone fooled. She messed me up royally and I will always hate her. But, now, she’s old and in very poor health, and a lot of pain, and looks pathetic. I figure she’s finally getting what she deserves and I don’t feel sorry for her. I am looking forward to her death. I will finally be free. But I am worried about my dad. He can’t even think for himself anymore after 50 years of being criticized and insulted and ordered around. I just hope he doesn’t emotionally collapse when she’s gone.

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    • September 11, 2019 at 2:31 pm

      Wow Jennifer! Your parents sound eerily like my parents. My Dad is the nicest person and my Mom is what I now believe to be a malignant narcissist. As long as she is awake, she is constantly having my Dad do stuff for her. No one can relax or have conversations as long as she is awake because we are all having to be ready to take the next order or request she will inevitably give. (If she takes a nap or leaves the house to run an errand, then we can have conversations, watch TV, etc.) I haven’t lived at home for 20+ years, so if I go ever to their house, it’s just to visit. My Mom has obviously stopped communicating with me, ever since she found out I was getting married. She didn’t come to the wedding, didn’t talk with me about the wedding, and now barely acknowledges that I’m even at their house now when I’m visiting. I guess since I’m married and of no use to her any more, there’s no need to communicate to her own child.

      Reply
  • November 13, 2018 at 10:12 am

    I live with a narcissist wife. She’s a Dr and Im a professional but Im still looked down on. Told Im not handsome because I really don’t spend much time on myself (Prepping) Although other women compliment me. Im constantly verbally abused over and over again especially if she has her own feelings hurt. Its no holds barred and the hurtful words that are spewed from her mouth
    have ever lasting effects. Its a shame, Ive never met someone so bitter.

    Reply
  • November 14, 2018 at 10:44 am

    This is my parents all the way. I myself realized what my mom was doing and I was starting to do it to my daughter, she was in her teens and I sat her down and apologized to her and told her I was wrong and this is not how life is supposed to be.. Fast forwarding, back in June my mom had a couple of falls and has ended up in a nursing home for a long term stay. She can’t walk. She is 71 and my dad is 70 she insists when he is there that he picks her up and does everything for her. She has perfected the use of guilt as a control mechanism. He already has a bad neck and he feels guilty if he doesn’t help her. Next year they have been married 40 years. So now that she is a nursing home she is ten times worse than she was when she was home. The verbal abuse is so bad that he fell off the 25 yrs of the dry alcohol wagon and drank himself into stooper last night. He is a nasty mean drunk. We have recently moved in with him to help financially and mentally support him. I cannot get him to stop letting her do this to him and in turn I cannot support him when he drinks. I don’t know what to do. I feel like this is going to tear my family apart. With Thanksgiving right around the corner we are talking about bringing her home for the day. I think this is a terrible idea but my dad feels obligated to do so. Any suggestions would be appreciated greatly.

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  • April 10, 2019 at 11:25 am

    One of the issues I would like to bring to your attention is Female narcissist. My persistence to the solid principles, values and ethics taught to me during my maturing years at home supported me as I endure 21 years of emotional abuse from my ex-wife. The kicker is I did not really begin to feel the full blunt of the pain until I walked away. During the marriage, I had to bribe her to attend counseling. We saw five different counselors from year 2 until year 20 1/2. All were males and all wanted me to change after talking through many sessions. They never ever addressed the core problem even when she would open up and reluctantly explain her behavior. Year 21, about a month after we separated, she asked me to attend counseling. I obliged her, but this time the counselor was a mature woman in her mid-60s. Initially I was scared to death because I thought I was going to suffer a horrifying reprimand by these two women. To my surprise after 15 minutes of my ex and I covering some of the main issues, the counselor turned to her and asked “Honey How Much Control Do You Want In This Relationship”? The question must have shoot an arrow through my ex-wife’s heart because the Narcissist behavior came out of her and she became extremely angry. She gathered her coat and purse and stormed out. I on the other hand felt as if 100,000 lbs had lifted of my chest. I began to cry uncontrollably. Sandy, the counselor, took both my hands and said to me with the most sincere expression “You will be ok it will get worse before it gets better”. She was correct the split/divorce was Nasty! During the proceedings, the judge, female judge, had to tell her to be quite three time and warned her another outburst would result in me receiving my request without an argument. I continued to receive counseling from Sandy for about a year. I returned from a business trip and explained to her that I had meet a nice woman that thought I could date. She advised me against it, she advised me that I needed more time to cope and heal. I did not heed her advice and after a year, I was in Love. I was so much in love that I decided to resign from my 140K per year job not counting my military retirement pay and move to my new found loves town. It felt right it had been a year. Of course, I arrived with employment although I took a 40K decrease in salary. One week on the job (Jan 2013), I was laid off due to the recession. I moved in with my girlfriend and about a month, later things began to change with my girlfriend even though I was still financially stable with my significant savings and my military retirement pay. A notable my two children are adults and doing well and her only son is almost 40 and doing well. At first, I thought she was a little apprehensive about me not being employed, but she knew I had an impeccable work ethic and solid history of good values, not to mention she suggested I move in with her. Soon after I feel asleep on the sofa while watching TV she came in woke me up with anger in her voice and directly asked “ DO You Miss Your Family So Much That You Can’t Come To Bed”? I was a little perplexed; this caught me off guard because I was still a little groggy. As I sat up and yarned, she took one of the soda pillows and hit me in the face with it. Again, I thought she was simply giving me a wake up reminder or something, but after about 10 to 15 blows and the look on her face, I could not believe what was happening. I was being beaten out of anger with a pillow. I asked her to stop, she finally did, huffing and puffing. She hurried to the bedroom and locked the door. The following morning I cautiously asked her what that was about; she smiled at me and behaved as if nothing ever happened. Later that evening I asked again and she said, “Oh don’t make it out to be a big deal I was a little concerned about you not being in bed like you should have been and it was only a pillow”. That was my first HUGE warning sign and I did not see it, mainly because when she was nice she was really, nice, which made me feel desired. We were married about six months later and I went back to school to earn my MBA. My GI Bill paid off because with my degree funding I was able to go to school full time plus I received a housing stipend, which paid the mortgage. There were some Horrible in-betweens, name calling, gaslighting, very little empathy, counters me so often, I can’t even compliment a brand new car without her coming back with “OH No the XXXX much better you must have bad taste in cars”, tells me I’m too sensitive, Hot and Cold at the snap of a finger, very rude when being served if it does not go her way, withholding information such as not letting me know she would be working late (A Dep. Of Transportation employee) and most hurtful hit me two more times only this time with her fist in the face and pushed me out of the bed with her feet. A few months after we were married, she asked me if there was ever a secret I had never told anyone. I did not really think on it too much but she seemed so sincere and I realized Yes, there is something I have never ever told anyone. I shared with her that one of my then 16-year-old Female cousins molested me when I was 9 during that entire summer she was there. Other than my current wife, you DR. Dart are the only person I have ever told. She in turn, in a very soft voice after laying in my arms as if to comfort me replied, “I did not tell you but I have been married more than one time”. She went on to say I did not tell you because it’s something I’m not proud of and no one in my family know anything about it. I asked her why she did not tell me, she said because she did it for money and to help a friend and then legal Alien from Nigeria to retain his status in the United States. Then she said ‘These are our secrets we will never tell, OK”. She tricked me not to mention I would research and learn that this was a marriage five years AFTER her short two-year first marriage. To make matters worse when we presented divorce decrees for our marriage license she rendered only her first marriage divorce decree and completely left out the arranged one. I almost fainted when I learned this. She does not know I know this information. Never the less a year into the marriage things took an upturn; I was offered my dream job, (high paying/ $150k) with the Dep. Of the Army in Italy. She was elated that she would finally be able to live in Italy and travel Europe. The good thing is she was able to continue her career and not lose her salary or status. You would think something like that would bring the best out of a person, NOPE! Everything had to be her way. She had to live in an Italian villa with a swimming pool, she had to bring more than 18K lbs of unnecessary household goods and furniture, she had to drive the convertible etc. We have visited so many places, Paris, Barcelona, Croatia, Prague, Munich (Octoberfest every year), London, Rome, Venice, Florence, Pisa and so many other fabulous places. Every time we travel, it is her way meaning I can’t lead her to the check-in terminal without her complaining or suggest take a taxi rather than take the bus or train once we arrive, the Hotels are always not to her standard. She makes me follow her and I keep quite just to keep the peace. I am not a big person on receiving gifts, but I give her thoughtful gifts based on listening to her talk about what she likes and I must say I do well, she’s very satisfied with what I give her. She on the other hand if it happens to be my birthday, will suggest we go down town down town and fall in love with something overpriced and I do not prefer mainly because it’s not conservative like $300 tiny Plaid sports coat. In turn, she will insist she pay for it with her credit card to rack up points and turn around and pay for it from our Joint account that is only feed by my salary direct deposit. Another example, when visiting the states two years ago she upgraded her 3-karat gold wedding ring to a 4-karat platinum and an additional $3k which is really nice. However, she added an additional 2-karat gold weeding band for me on the same invoice as a gift for me. Yes, It’s my responsibility to pay for her ring but being that I do not like bling for myself she set up the payment to come from my account for both purchases. I never wear the ring, my wedding band is stainless steel and I love it. It is a big plain ring that can be seen. Furthermore, the way she brought this to my attention that she upgraded her ring was repulsive. She came home wearing the ring I did not notice it right away. During dinner, she kept flickering her fingers as she drank her wine and I finally noticed it. I smiled and said Wow what’s that, that’s really nice. She in turn with a sarcastic reply and a smirky giggle said I have been wearing this all day and it took you this long to see it. Then she went a got the ring she chose for me and said “here, I bought you one too”. I pay for everything she gives me and when I mentioned it to her, she gets upset and says things like “I Told You I Would Put The Money Back”! ……………………….. My Counselor ,Sandy, was sooooo on point regarding me not getting into another relationship. This woman is a covert Narcissist to the fullest. She saw my big heart and good morals, my exemplary work ethic, my ability to improve myself and live my passion and she played me until she had me fully hooked. How did I not see this coming? The only thing I can think of is my ex-wife was always angry she rarely behaved as if she enjoyed being with me. My current wife can charm the pants off Jesus. When she entertains, she really entertains and it seems so genuine. Another thing she wants sex all the time and initiates like it’s her duty. I was constantly begging for sex from my ex and she might have initiated sex three times in 21 years…….. Here’s something I cant understand current wife suggested seeking marriage counseling. The counselor, another woman, was ok but when I brought up the physical abuse, she said nothing. NOTHING! She just looked at me as if I was not there, like I was making it up and my wife was silent, did not say one word to defend herself. When I suggested to the counselor I was a victim of verbal and emotional abuse she said oh no sir, it has be more consistent than that. How did I walk into the arms of another abuser Dr Dart? Why can’t I tell professionals what I am experiencing and they reach out to me rather than suggest I suck it up and change my behavior as if I am not going through this crap? I approached a representative from the Women’s sexual assault center here for a candid opinion of my situation and she surly gave me her candid opinion. She said I’m sorry but I don’t believe a woman is capable of being a Narcissist or an abusive wife…………… Why am I suffering like this Dr Dart? Help me please because for the past two years I have been living in a liquor bottle to help me suppress my trauma……. It feels like I am suffering in Silence with no place to go :O(

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    • May 9, 2019 at 1:52 am

      I recommend two books that helped me recover from my two abusive relationships:

      Psychopath Free
      https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26190453-psychopath-free

      Healing from Hidden Abuse
      https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31395446-healing-from-hidden-abuse

      Both men and women can be victims of abuse and both men and women can be abusers. Anyone who thinks only one gender can be abusive is jaded and lacking the truth. That Woman’s shelter person said incredibly damaging things. She’s full of horsesh*t.

      Your soul needs you. The real you. You must look inward to start taking care of you. You matter, a whole lot. Please don’t lose yourself to others who do not deserve access to you. It is a hard journey, I know. I almost killed myself by trying to make it work with my narcissistic ex. Don’t be like me and tough it out to the brink of self destruction. Take care of you.

      I think getting a counselor like Sandy again for individual therapy would do you wonders. The hardest part is to look inward and ask ourselves why we keep returning to things that wound our souls.

      The abuse is not your fault. You do not own or are responsible for your partner’s abuse. They own that, and they do not deserve access to you.

      Looking inward to build my self worth, my strength, is the best gift to my life. Putting my mental well being above anyone else was essential. I hope you can do the same. Be kind to yourself.

      Reply
 

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