39 thoughts on “The Physical Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

  • February 12, 2017 at 3:52 pm

    Lenora, Yours is not the first place that I heard of the connection between Fibromyalgia and abuse. I would call it childhood abuse, but mine lasted until I was 44. There are definite connections between mental health and physical health. Thanks so much for sharing. You are an honest and dear person.

  • February 12, 2017 at 4:44 pm

    From a very very young age I was absolutely terrified of my mother. I remember having to walk home from elementary school because I never knew what was going to happen and what terrified me the most was I did not know what she was capable of.

    On the outside we looked like we had the perfect family. My father was a local lawyer making his way up in politics and I had an older brother that made my life absolute hell. That was brought on by my mother’s absolute hate for me. Some of the very first things I remember her saying was that I was a bitch, cruel, evil, ugly, unlovable and the demon seed in the family.

    But it was in 7th grade that things really got to be just plain evil. By then I was scared of everything and had severe anxiety. One day we all had to have a physical test for scoliosis and mine came back not only as positive but it was developing rather rapidly and the school wanted me to get immediate help. Well my mother and father chose not to do anything about it. By 8th grade I was starting to become deformed and I remember my back hurt a lot. But I never felt safe enough to tell either parent that because my mom had more than once told me that I had the power in my mind to heal anything. I literally felt like I was doing something wrong BC my scoliosis wasn’t getting any better and not only that the other children in school started to make fun of me.

    At the end of my freshman year I decided to try out for cheerleader. Why I have no idea because I had anxiety bad. But what I remember is that I was so severely nervous. I started out with the cheer and had a full blown anxiety attack. I then went into the splits so hard that my legs came up the opposite way and everyone in that auditorium heard my pelvic bone break. Oh then the pain was unreal but I was so ashamed that I got up and did another cartwheel and splits and then passed out.

    Next thing I remember is being carried to the nurses station by the principal of the school. The pain was straight between my legs but I was too embarrassed to tell them that I just motioned on the inside of my leg.

    At that time my mother owned a flower shop and she received a call because I had been hurt. I remember her showing up and being very angry because she was the only one in the shop that day. She had brought the flower van so I had to crawl into a big box in the back. My best friend also came with me and she was in the passenger seat. I vaguely remember my mother saying very cruel things but the pain was so bad that I couldn’t focus on anything else. She took my friend and I back to the flower shop and had we get out. It wasn’t until I almost passed out again and she had my friend sit me down and put my head between my legs that she then realized that it could not just be ignored. Especially with the school knowing full well what happened.

    I was able to see an orthopedic doctor that same day. They did the x-rays and the isitchial tuberosity had been broken off from the pelvic bone. The break was huge. I can remember that the orthopedic ordered crutches and some kind of pain medication for me. Needless to say I did get the crutches but never the pain medication. I had to live in the first story of the house BC I couldn’t make it upstairs. But I had broken my hymen and I had bruise marks all between my legs. It scared me to death but I couldn’t speak to anyone about it.

    Well my pelvic bone never healed properly and for some odd reason my dad decided to take me to another orthopedic in another town. Well the first thing that happened was that he noticed the scoliosis and how deformed I was and told my dad to forget about my broken pelvic bone that my scoliosis was so bad that it was going to kill me.

    Well my mother and I drove to Denver and visited an absolutely wonderful back surgeon that specialized in scoliosis and Harrington rods. He told us that my scoliosis was so severe that it was going in and collapsing my lungs and that it would eventually kill me. Now I had absolutely no faith or trust in my mom but I knew this very gentle doctor was telling the truth.

    Well my father didn’t like what that doctor had to say and I recently found out that it had more to paying the major deductible for the surgery than anything. But he flew me to Tucson to see another doctor and this doctor said put her in a full body brace. It wouldn’t help it get my better but it would keep me from dying. Well my mother and I decided on having the surgery and it was the best thing that could have been done.

    Since then I have suffered from my back, pelvic bone, endometriosis, brain hemorrhage, fibromyalgia and still to this day nobody believes and I’m still supposed to use the power of my mind to heal everything. This is the absolute wise kind of narcissism that I can add.

    • March 2, 2017 at 7:31 pm

      I’m so sorry you went thru this!

      I had several concussions as a child and never told my parents about them because accidents weren’t allowed in our house and I knew I would be punished for having them so I kept quiet, looked concussion up in our medical encyclopedia and prayed I wouldn’t loose consciousness.

      • March 2, 2017 at 8:11 pm

        Yikes! I know what you mean, though. Mine would always go into a tizzy if we got hurt, like it was a reflection of her parenting if we got hurt.

      • March 2, 2017 at 11:33 pm

        Unless I was bleeding so badly or so sick I couldn’t hide it I didn’t let my parents (both Narcissists) know that anything was wrong with me. Sick? If I could hide it I went to school and stayed there (better than being at home).

    • March 3, 2017 at 12:32 am

      I’m so sorry you have suffered like this for so long Have you read Pete walkers book on complex PTSD? This may be of some help I wish you only healing and ❤️

  • February 12, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    I believe that is does take a physical toll on our bodies. I took off running from such a person, 5 weeks later, that was draining me, like your article stated living with such a person its like living with a volcano, its true. They seem to have allot of negative energy, and is filled with negative attitude and responses to everything in life, very controlling.

  • February 13, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    I have no doubt that all the trauma manifests as ailments. When you are always in fight or flight mode, there is never a “stand down” period to rebalance. All that excess supply of hormones has to go somewhere. For me, all of my tension diverts to my neck and shoulders as I hunch up due to stress, fear, or shame. It was so bad that I had pinched nerves and lost sensation in one arm for awhile. My husband told me I was wasting money on unnecessary treatment and would feel better if I worked out as much as he
    did. Chiropractic care and massage helped tremendously.

    In addition, my digestive system gets out of sync: churning stomach, acid reflux, and alternating bouts of diarrhea and constipation. After my narc left, much of that has resolved. Oh, and I began grinding/clenching my teeth, so I have a mouth guard to wear. It’s a pitiful state to be in because for those of us who experience the abuse, all the pain, discomfort, chaos, etc. feels normal, and we either forget what comfort and security are like or worse, some of us never had those experiences and cannot conceptualize anything else.

    • October 10, 2017 at 10:25 am

      Yes, this is what I have just recently discovered is that all the abuse I endured I didnt even realisse how this is not normal!! When you realise you dont actually have to put up with all the sh*t and that you dont even knkow what normal feels like its actually just a very sad realisation but also feels hopeful that there is something better than this….

    • January 27, 2018 at 11:55 pm

      Hello! I read your comment and had to reply. I know this is old, but maybe you or the author will reply. I’m kind of new to the narcissistic abuse community. I’ve been no contact almost a year. But I have horrendous tension headaches and nerve pain (probably occipital neuralgia) that pain shoots yo my shoulder neck and head. Masseuse says my neck felt like a sack of marbles. I didn’t develop this until after escaping a narcissistic evil family. Is that normal? I should add I’m better than when I was around them. When I was near them I had anxiety attacks, stiff person bouts of extreme joint rigidity, and hair loss.

      • January 28, 2018 at 12:11 am

        Hello Amu,

        Thank you for your comment. Sometimes the emotional pain is almost worse after leaving your narcissists. Personally, I felt like I had left all my self-esteem behind and was trying to function without it, while wracked with False Guilt for daring to contradict their brainwashing. It’s taken a few years and a lot of work, but it DOES get better. I promise you that! Perhaps, as you heal emotionally, your body will heal too.

        That being said, I once had a massage instructor say she’d had never felt tighter shoulders than mine. Even as a child, I was so stiff, kids didn’t want to play those hand-slapping games with me. Certainly part of it is emotional, but I wonder if you may also be severely lacking in some nutrients, especially the B vitamins (there might be a link from Vitamin B deficiency to your anxiety attacks). For example, my doctor recently prescribed Vitamin D pills – VERY strong – and my winter blues are gone, gone, gone!

        Have you considered a herbal practitioner or Chinese medicine. They do some amazing things. Wish I could help you more but alas, I’m not a doctor and this is not medical advice.

        Hope you feel better soon!

        ~ Lenora

  • February 16, 2017 at 12:34 am

    Yes I was ok until I got married, then my physical health went downhill. Whenever I’d hear that stuff about married couples living healthier and longer than those who live alone, I’d say BS, where did they get that idea, being married was hard and miserable. I actually believed it would eventually kill me. He died first though, and you are right, I want nothing more than peace and quiet in my life to the point where I don’t want to get into any new relationships. I never thought about it before, but oh that’s why. Thank you for writing this article. It explains a lot.

    • February 16, 2017 at 7:43 am

      Judy, the fact that you are not wanting to get involved in any other relationships is probably your spirit/soul screaming out for self-care and healing. Enjoy getting to know yourself again and pamper yourself.

  • February 20, 2017 at 7:52 am

    OMG, I know this all to well. My mother (I believe) is a narcissist. My entire life has been one sickness then another beginning from 2 yrs. of age. I never knew why it started so early until recently. I am now 53 and it has taken 50 years for me to see it and finally try to change it.
    My mom has always treated me like she hated me (only in private). When we were around anyone else, she was different. She married at 15 and had me one week before her 17th birthday. The abuse (just learned of) was so bad according to my birth fathers brother, that his mother had to pull her off of me as an infant almost every single day. She would beat me in my crib if I cried even a little. He was 12 at the time and his room was next to my mom and dads room. He said I had colic and if I even whimpered, she would start beating me until I stopped or he would get up and get their mom to come stop her. By the time I was 6 months old, she had cheated on my dad and left him. She moved back in with my grandmother who had 5 other kids she was raising alone. I rarely saw my mother after that until she remarried when I was 6. My youngest uncle was my keeper until then whenever my grandmother worked. If not for him, I would probably be dead. My granny was a wonderful woman but had all these kids and her husband left her right after birth of her last and never came back or helped her. She worked, slept, and took care of us the best she could. She never had any life of her own. She never remarried. I loved her dearly. Anyway, each and every time my mom everdid came home even for 5 minutes, I got spanked by her so bad I would not be able to walk for a day or more. Then at 6 years old she remarried and came and took me from my grandmother. From that day on, I was a slave and her stress reliever(by spanking). She took all her anger out on me daily. I remember at 6 putting me in a chair at the sink making me wash dishes. If I did not do it to her standards, smack!. If I didn’t use enough soap, to much soap or anything, smack. Water drip on floor smacked again. For the next 10 years that was my life. Cleaning, washing clothes and keeping my mouth shut at all times for fear of getting spanked or smacked across the face. If I spoke, “you are stupid, shut up”. When I got to high school, I made my very first friend. I didn’t tell her how things were at home, but she soon learned after staying with me overnight a couple times. When I mom finally allowed me to stay at her house was when I realized either my friend had the most amazing mom and dad ever, or there was something very wrong with mine. I still didn’t know why but knew something was wrong. I always assumed by her constant put downs it must be me. She told me I was worthless, lazy, and that I was the reason she had not gone to college. It was all my fault. My step dad worked out of town all over the U.S. so he didn’t see this. He came home one weekend a month if far off and every weekend if close enough to drive home. That’s when I got a break. She wouldn’t even notice me for a whole weekend, but I didn’t get hit either. But he did. She constantly accused him of everything under the son the moment he got home until he left again. Then she took that anger out on me. I made straight A’s in school and was still told I was stupid on a regular basis. This ugly behavior toward me has continued in private for the rest of my life. I left home at 17 after my second surgery for cyst removal which the doctors said was brought on by stress. Even out of site, she called me daily to let me know that days failure, or how ugly I was or whatever. Just before leaving, she had another child. Another girl. I stayed long enough to take care of her until my dad could get his job to get him in a position with no travel. As soon as he did, he took over caring for the baby and I left. He begged me to stay, but I told him I could not live another day with her. I felt I was going insane. I had developed vitiligo, an autoimmune disease at 2, cysts by 13 from stress, I shook so bad I could barely write and I never felt good. Once I left, I started recovering from the cysts, but the rest never went away. Then out of no where, she started treating this baby like a goddess. It was perfect, and I was not. I have never once done a single thing in life correct as far as she is concerned. Now at 53, all I want is to be alone. Quiet, peaceful and alone. I can’t seem to love, I’ve never dated anyone over 3 months before I say goodbye except one man, who I married at 18 and we divorced at 21. We had one child. Although unknown at the time, I was too messed up mentally to make a marriage last. Since then I have stayed single dated only sparatically but just couldn’t seem to love and still didn’t know why. I had so much love inside I wanted to give so it all focus on my child. No one else. My mom still daily called to let me know how stupid I was and how horrible I looked. I continued my holiday visits to them and occasionally I went over to try to spend time with my little sister. I worried she would get the abuse I had been dealt. I thought moms act with her was just that, an act. Sis eventually grew up to be the queen bee. Mom made her hate me by telling her pure lies about me constantly. To this day she believes mom because she was treated with so much love. I still do not know why my mom hates me, but the damage it has done mentally seems ingrained and I can’t get passed it. I finally cut off all communication with her 3 years ago but I still can’t function normally. I i have seen psychologists, therapists, doctors for all this time. Nothing has helped. I still feel unworthy and ugly. At 53 I am alone most of the time because I can’t bare anyone to see me. My vitiligo makes me look odd and people point and stare so I stay home. I still get occasional messages from mom lwith some kind of lie of what I have done. She is relentless and will not stop no matter how many times I beg her to stop. All this has now made me. I have vitiligo, Myasthenia Gravis, fibromyalgia, psoriasis, and Narcolepsy. I had spinal surgery which left me immobile for so long I can not get back to any kind of exercising out of “laziness” that set in, And from depression that I have always had. I have zero family as they all think my mother is telling them the truth of my horrible self serving, self absorbed behavior. I miss them so much. Holidays are so depressing I usually feel I just want to die. I have lost all friends from school and never tried making friends because there was always something wrong with me or my mom was causing me to much drama. Autoimmune disorders keep popping up and now just feel so tired and exhausted at all times. I’m even having difficulties getting self to work anymore. I am late everyday because it takes so long for me to get ready due to pain. I can not go on disability because I can’t live two years income free. Nothing i have is considered to be bad enough to keep me from working according to them. Plus, I own my home and SSI seems to want me to lose that and be homeless before they would consider giving me disability. Please tell me what is the point in living? I have always been a good person, I worked hard and have always (mom made sure I learned to work hard). But I can’t get past her hate for me when she is able to love my sister. It’s destroyed every single facet of my being. Please someone tell me how to get past this before I just end it all.

    • February 20, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      Oh, Sweety, I so feel for you. I have been there. I will tell you, you are not the one who is defective. Your mother and her minions are. You need to read the book, “You’re Not Crazy, It’s Your Mother”. It is an amazing book that helps put everything that you and I have been through.

      I know how hard it is to accept that a mother can’t love her daughter. I was adopted, so I spent a good part of my life thinking that 2 mothers didn’t love me or want me. My mother apparently just wanted to fill her hero complex void and to get a dress up doll.

      As Dr. Phil says, people cannot give what they don’t have. Your mother could not love. Narcissistic mothers do not love. Not even your sister. Who knows what torture she endured in private without even you there. It is pretty sad to not experience love like that. That is a sign of a truly marred or defective human.

      I also have Fibromyalgia. It can be horrible. Most times, it is brought on from a lifetime of living in constant fight or flight mode. It can be tamed with soft stretching, not hard exercise, but loving stretches and a gluten free diet and Tumeric pills help a ton.

      You have your daughter to live for. You are not defective as long as you can love and it sounds like you have that in spades! You and your daughter are truly blessed to have each other.

      You have family now. You have an entire community of people who have gone thru everything you have and, like you, were strong and resilient enough to survive it. We are here for each other.

      My name is Kat Lehmkuhl. You can find me on Facebook if you ever need to talk or share. Mine is the profile with a sunset picture that says, “you are loved” on it.

      • February 21, 2017 at 11:39 pm

        Thank you Kat for your beautiful response. I may take you up on that. But my mom does love my sister, just not me. My sister says I am a complete liar because mom was nothing like what I describe as problems, to her. Mom melted like butter when she walked into a room. Not long before I cut ties, I was even left at home (moms) once when we were all there and decided to go out to eat. Mom and dad both grabbed her by the hands to walk her to the car and was telling her how much they had missed her ( she had been living one hr away) and just drove off leaving me standing there and never even noticed or realized it until they were coming home and my sister asked where was I.
        Never once in my life did I have a birthday party, or cake, or taken out …nothing. The few yrs before I cut ties, on my birthday, they would swing by my office, hand me a cheap sweater and say sorry got to go, we are on way to your sisters to babysit so they can go out. This has been my birthday scenario for 6 yrs before cutting ties. Every single year they did this and then on her birthday, had a party with over 100 guests for the pasts 9 years. Me not being one of them.
        They drove that hour back and forth every weekend to see her, but would not drive ten minutes to my house, or babysit.
        They would drive any distance to take her out for her birthday even still today. And when she was younger she had parties every year.
        My point is, why can she love one so much and hate the other to the point of trying to destroy my entire life and my granddaughters.? The recent attacks on me were sent to my granddaughter on text. It was cruel to my granddaughter. She also told me everytime she went over there, mom spent 90% of her words talking about how awful I am. All of which so far has turned out to be nothing but lies. Why try to hurt me or her that way.? Why can’t she just leave us alone and live her life with the queen bee, and let me be? It’s like she has decided she wants to show me what revenge is only I did nothing for her to feel this way about me. I’m so distraught and can’t figure out why, and how she is so different with sis. How do you hate a child at birth and keep it only to put it through pure agony. Have another and love it like no one has ever seen? I want to get past all this but after so many years of being told ” you are ugly, your clothes look ridiculous, you nails are too long, your hair looks awful, you are so stupid and self centered” and that is just the tip of it. I’ve never once been hugged, never touch by her unless it was a smack on the face or spanked, never once consoled when I was hurt or upset. Never once. But I watched her hold on to my sister every second she was around. And never takes her eyes off of her like she is a goddess or something. She melts from just seeing her. It was very painful to watch all these years. My sis even made a comment in front of our entire family ( aunts uncles their kids) of over 40 people, about them loving her more than me. I just stood there and never said a thing. I’m whining now, I hate that. Thanks for your compassion and letter.


      • February 22, 2017 at 9:20 am

        The only thing I can say about why a narcissist will appear to love one child and not another is that there is no reason. These people are mentally damaged and deranged. There is no logic to their actions. From what I have read and witnessed in my life, there is a game they will play called triangulation. They will pit one child against another, either through gross gossip, or scapegoating one child and making another a golden child. This makes it so that the kids don’t gang up on mom and attack her.

        My brothers and I had very little of a relationship all of our lives because of my mom’s games. Mine played it out where I got the private schooling, the big wedding, and the expensive gifts that I didn’t ask for or want. My brothers did not. So, when my mom treated me like crap and verbally abused me, I had no sympathy from my brothers since I was “handed everything on a silver platter”. I always sounded like a spoiled brat.

        Also, put yourself back into grade school. Most narcissists are emotionally stunted to the actions and feelings of a five year old. Rage is merely temper tantrums. Kids will pick on and bully those who show a threat to the one bullying. They have to tear down the one they feel is better than them. Those who show less threat, but are easily swayed emotionally, are the bully’s friends. Even being brought down to the level she has caused in you, you are still a threat to her. I was raised with no affection, no love as well. I know what you are going through. You are truly not alone. There are many blogs, like Lenora’s and many books. There are also many people who use Youtube to vent and they are helpful as well.

      • February 24, 2017 at 5:50 am

        Thank you so much. I always felt so out of place in our home and unwanted. My sister tells me I am a spoiled brat also. When we argued over this subject during one of our family fights over this, I asked her, “how would you feel if they treated you without one moment of love or affection through your life”? Her reply was I should be greatful I had a roof and food. Neither of them seem to understand that without the physical and emotional part of love for a child is detrimental and causes so many problems when grown. Then I get accused of being selfish, self centered and irresponsible. I am none of these things. I just can’t understand how she doesn’t see this. Normally she is very intelligent. Then it always goes back to my fault for acting like this due to my medication. Which truly has zero affects where this is concerned. And they can never seem to give a single explanation when I ask how am I irresponsible or selfish. Living without a mothers love makes you feel something is wrong with you personally and affects all parts of your life. Someone who had love can never ever come close to understanding this. Then it goes back to I’m just being selfish and jealous. It has affected me in so many different ways and when I tried explaining that, it would be answered with you can blame mom for your pathetic life. But I feel my entire life was changed and not for the better, due to the way I was raised. Had I had love, I could better feel it o give more love. Had I had a mom who talked to me and taught me empathy or affection or “SOMETHING” besides pure loathing, I might be a better person or turned out completely different that what I am. I do believe considering what I have lived through, that I am still a good person inside. I do anything and everything for everyone else that I am capable of doing. I work, I raised 2 kids, one daughter ,one granddaughter 100% by myself without ever asking for money or anything from anyone. But it has truly taken a toll on me. Thank you for responding. You have been very insightful and I appreciate that very much.

      • February 24, 2017 at 2:15 pm

        Sounds like your sister is a narcissist as well. Birds of a feather.

      • September 27, 2017 at 1:25 am

        Have you ever read A Child Called It? Talk about ripped my heart out :'( I actually feel bad for my mother and sad because I now realize someone had to of hurt her for her to be so cruel and unloving to her own daughter. She can’t truly love and show affection, it’s just not in her.

    • February 24, 2017 at 12:17 am

      3FacesofEve, my heart goes out to you. No one should ever live like that. Ever. You are a lovable person. Narcs pic favorites, and they pic a scape-goat. This is what your mother did. There is nothing wrong with you that makes you unlovable. Please know that.

      • February 24, 2017 at 10:16 pm

        Thank you Dawna. That is very kind of you to say. After 53 years of hearing the opposite, I keep falling back into a shell to hide. Thank you very much.

    • September 27, 2017 at 1:13 am

      My heart breaksssss for you and ALL who have been abused :'( The only way I feel decent about myself is when I read the Bible and get closer to God. We all need to realize those who abuse have problems and it’s not us but that is way easier said than done. My heart goes out to all of us! I have fibromyalgia. Rather be dead.

    • November 28, 2019 at 4:31 pm

      I am so sorry that you have gone through your life unloved by your mother. Your life sounds a bit like mine. I was 60 before I realised my mother is a narcissist. I’m 63 now & have had 3 years of no contact. I have lived in a seperate State from my parents for years she came to live near me after my dad passed away. OMG, she almost broke me. I developed a few physical ills, which I am recovering from. (Including a pacemaker!) She has turned the whole family against me, but I’ve realised that their behaviour has nothing to do with me. I’m very lucky I have a wonderful husband. Can I please recommend books by Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer and the like, helped me enormously, reminded me that I AM worthy of a wonderful life, and so are you. Love & Blessings

  • March 2, 2017 at 7:50 pm

    I couldn’t get over how much this story hit home with me… I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at age 20 I’m now 43 I just recently left and divorced my narc husband… Dated for 3 years was married for 1…my hair would fall out from my disease but got 10 times worse when I was with him… When I first left him I wanted to sleep for days straight. All I wanted was sleep… Even though I’m away from him now I still don’t have my energy back to normal bit I will get there… Thank you for your story

  • March 3, 2017 at 5:17 pm

    I was not abused as a child at all. I was verbally abused by an ex spouse for 22 years. I first developed Chrons disease and then fibro. I still have both even after riding myself of a toxic marriage.

    • June 11, 2017 at 4:36 pm

      ulcerative colitis is my cross to near thanks to them

  • April 19, 2017 at 2:44 pm

    WOW! Everything you listed I have had except for fibromyalga.yes I have chew marks on the sides of my tongue, I grind my teeth, I have phantom pain,and egregious hair loss. As I have removed the narcissits,unfortunately that not only included my mother, two sisters, brother, it also included my husband. My hair is back, I am now over weight. I can see any narcissist coming. I know how to avoid word salad one would be served as they run down rabbit trails. I now can make the narcissist nervous.

  • August 9, 2017 at 7:17 pm

    The section on adrenal fatigue and stress headaches really hit home. I haven’t come across another article yet that mentions it. It has been an eye opener…

  • September 11, 2017 at 12:07 pm

    I am five months out of a divorce from a cerebral narcissist. My body is finally beginning to relax and the pain in my muscles/shoulders/neck is horrible. But for the first time in years I am sleeping 6-7 hours a night and having dreams.

    I recall the narcissist always having health issues, her hair falling out, infections, sleeping all the time. I wonder if they, too, suffer from the adrenal overload? She was always in a drama mode, even if there was no drama in her life, she created it. A narcissist cannot stand to be bored. I am loving my newfound boredom with two dogs and the cat she left behind.

    • September 27, 2017 at 1:33 am

      Yes. They get bored and create SO much drama where there is none. My mother never let my stepdad relax. It had to be constant projects. He just passed away last week from his second stroke at age 68. I swear from the stress she caused. Makes me sad as he was the best stepdad I could have ever asked for and the most laid back but I swear, she killed him but as you know, she will say, he was the mean one sigh

  • February 28, 2018 at 7:41 pm

    So i suspect and have been told by an unofficial therapist that my mother, a survivor of an alcoholic father/enabler mother is a narcissist and developed fibro/ibs/CFS the past few years, but we live separetly (long story short:daddy died, left inheritance, she used it to pay off mortgage, she moved and then gave me half the proceeds of sale of old house).I’ve been trying to distance myself from her, even renting in another location, but that didn’t work-so i’m living in the same town, but in a different place.Yes! I couldn’t agree more with liking solitude,rest, quiet, and my own space.I can agree with the whole everything’s a big deal, a big crisis mentality, even for little things that someone else would not consider a worry.Then I’ve been resting for a while and I’ve noticed a difference between days she drops by and days when we don’t have contact….i’ve felt better, but i don’t tell her that, of course.She’s the reason I’ve developed this in the first place.I’ve been sleeping deeper, so that has an impact.

  • November 6, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    Been married to an emotional narc abuser for 14 years. I barely have energy or motivation to do basic chores. I would leave if I could make enough money to survive, but like I said, some days I can hardly lift my head. He berates me all the time for being lazy. No use trying to explain how utterly exhausted I am at defending myself against his attacks for, well we’ve been together 17 years. All of his college buddies and both his parents are narcs too. I feel as if I’ve been thrown into a pit of vampires and I can’t find the strength to claw my way out.

  • December 14, 2018 at 11:41 am

    I have anemia and low immune system. Especially, when I was a child I used to get sick a lot (flu, cold, coughing) and stay at home
    for weeks missing school. And blood used to run out of my nose unstoppably until I’d get weak. I never knew that all of this has something to do with narcissistic abuse until recently.

  • July 19, 2019 at 10:16 pm

    Oh there is plenty of truth in the abuse/illness connection. I’m sorry everyone posting here went through so much. Both my parents are narcissists. My mother criticized everything about me. My hair, my laugh, my friends, my lack of makeup, unstylish clothes, everything. “Why don’t you do this, why don’t you fix your hair, …” Always said through gritted teeth. My brother was her precious one, everything he did was funny and endearing. He is 55 and perfectly healthy.
    At 12 I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s and vitiligo. Now at age 57, add to that uterine fibroids (no other woman in my family had them), hiatal hernia, GERD, degenerative disk disease since my 30s, TMJ, CFS, plantar fasciitis, arthritis of neck, spine, hips and knees. I also struggle with low self esteem, shame, and self loathing.

    • July 19, 2019 at 10:56 pm

      My husband has SO many of those exact same ailments, plus heart disease and terminal Pulmonary Alveolar Proteinosis lung disease. As far as I know, his GC sister is fine. He was the scapegoat. Absolutely typical, eh.

      • July 20, 2019 at 12:40 pm

        Yes, very typical. I’m sorry your husband is so ill. Has he ever wondered why he seems to always be the sick one while his sister is fine? After all, DNA controls so much, as we would believe. The abuse/illness connection didn’t become known to me until recently, though I’d suspected it for years. Now research can document it. Empaths must learn to say No. And without guilt.

  • December 8, 2019 at 9:20 am

    I’m so grateful for this article and this thread.
    I have been severely abused by my mother my whole life.

    I am now struggling to stay alive. I am grateful for this information

  • December 11, 2019 at 10:44 am

    My husband and I were both raised in narcissistic families as the scapegoat/black sheep. We’re in our 60’s. Both of us started to develop arthritis in our 30’s. We both have back issues which are worse now. We also tested positive for fibromyalgia. A good day is when we feel less pain. We both have mobility problems. He has started to use a walker and I limp along (we both also have foot problems) with him on our walks with our dog. It is as if we are 10-20 years older but as to appearance we look younger. It is a real shame as even only 10 years ago we could walk for miles. I used to love swimming but it triggers the pain in my lower back. I believe that if I had been raised in a normal loving family that I wouldn’t have had any of these physical problems.


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