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Did Narcissism Just Kill Another Marriage?


She was very young. He was very young. They were very much in love, so they eloped.

But her overtly, in-your-face, textbook narcissistic Daddy was not pleased. Hell no! He didn’t get to enjoy the power play of being asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage. He didn’t get to give the nervously perspiring suitor the “once over” and the “lecture.” He didn’t get to plan the biggest, fanciest wedding ever seen. He didn’t get to have fresh Botox in preparation for his big day, I mean, his daughter’s big day. He didn’t get to bask in the admiration of all the eyes watching him walk down the aisle…oh, with his daughter on his arm. He didn’t get to show off his moves on the dance-floor during the reception…with his daughter.

Hell no! Daddy was not pleased at all.

Seven years later, the marriage is over. And Daddy don’t mind a bit.

Here’s my Post Mortem of yet another marriage destroyed by narcissism. Of course, I might be all wet, but c’mon! It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out what happened.

2 Comments to
Did Narcissism Just Kill Another Marriage?

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  1. I am the role of the husband in this. My ex-husband and his mother controlled our marriage. She literally said to me, “You have done nothing for my son.” Wait, so supporting his lousy ass when he was out of a job was nothing? Helping him deal with a gambling addiction, and forcing him to get his HS diploma–which he got at 21–was nothing? Making him hang out with his friends again when he was in a funk was nothing? Being his moral support and taking up the mantle where she left off was nothing? Sure. I did nothing. (That’s sarcasm.) She snuck onto my computer and stole the DVD with our wedding pics. Little did she know, I’d already saved it. He wasn’t even the favorite child. He was the scapegoat. When the favorite was 2500 miles away, that’s when he got the “promotion” to favorite child and when our marriage went to hell. To be fair, it was well on its way to the fiery demon pit long before that, but I did not yet take notice till I could no longer ignore it.I should have left when the gambling issue started, as we were not yet married. I thought I could fix it. I thought I could help him. Then it was too late. I had the ring on my finger and I had to make the marriage work, at any cost. The cost was effectively my own sanity. I spiraled into depression, and upon leaving the marriage I was left with another ticking time-bomb. When I started dating again, I faced trust issues so deep that I found myself cancelling countless dates and sobbing over the ones I didn’t cancel (until I gave in.) Two years after leaving, I am still struggling with my own mind. Doubts crop up and questions threaten my sanity. This year, hopefully I will have a friend to distract me after my yearly trip to see my daughter. I have a road trip planned to Virginia City, Nevada for just the two of us because I will most definitely need a shoulder to cry on when I return from my trip.

  2. I love your blog! I am married to a man with a narcissist mother. We have been married 22 years. I was so naive when we married about what I was getting myself into. I had never been exposed to this personality disorder and my husband kept me separate from his disordered family when we dated. One of my first clues that I was dealing with a narc was on our wedding day when my mother in law declared it to be the worst day of her life because her “best friend” (my husband and her narc supply) was leaving her and she spent out honeymoon night trying to reach him so they could talk (she was not successful = pre cell phone days). She proceeded to meddle and interfere in our marriage for the years to come in hopes that it would end and my husband would return to her. I sensed her deep resentment of me and my dreams involved a re-occurring nightmare in which I died and my 3 kids and husband moved in with my mother in law in which they tended to her every need as slaves to her – never launching into the world – much as what has happened to my husband’s brother who is 44 years old. He still lives with my in laws, refers to his mom as his best friend; is unable to have a normal relationship with another woman as my mother in law is the woman in his life; and he even cuddles up in bed with her and my enabling father in law who is on the other side of the bed.
    My mother in law also used religion and a lot of tears to create an image that she was a “good person” which I never bought into.
    I ended up cutting my mother in law off several years ago. It was the best decision I made. I also cut off my father in law and brother in law as they are one, co dependent, disordered package, and they all had to go. My marriage is strong, despite these difficult challenges, and I think we are going to be okay. My kids are also now young adults and they are being successfully launched into this world free from this emotional abuse. It did not pass down to another generation! Yay!
    My mother in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer three years ago. As expected, she is not going quietly. She is making life a living hell for my father in law and brother in law who are her caretakers. She also lost her ability to filter herself and confirmed the resentment I felt all the years as she rages about her deep resentment of my husband for leaving her, deep resentment of me for taking him away, our horrible parenting skills for letting our kids become independent, and that our marriage will end in divorce. She refers to me as my husband’s “girlfriend”. What a toxic loon!
    My husband has not cut off his family. He feels he has a moral obligation to make sure they are taken care of concerning food in the fridge, their hygiene, etc. So, he goes to their home a few hours a month to do a wellness check.
    In any event, I am so happy you got out and have a good life with a good man. I just wanted to share with you a daughter in law survival story. I too am doing well. Take Care.

 

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