12 thoughts on “What “I Do” To A Narcissist Really Means

  • December 30, 2016 at 12:02 am

    “My clothing and personal appearance will be dictated by the desires of the narcissist.”

    This one especially hit the nail on the head. Once again, your articles make me realize how bad things really were for me. Narcissistic abuse is subtle. They don’t always hit you. They often tear you down silently. My ex would always remind me that “you look like trailer trash when you wear that,” if I ever tried to wear comfortable clothes out of the house. He got away with it because he would have periods of passiveness.

    Once again, thank you.

    Reply
  • December 30, 2016 at 2:12 pm

    Wow. I didn’t even think of this. My toxic relationship with my narcissistic mother then my sociopathic narcissustic husband as a cult relationship..too many similarities to ignore. Recovering from the toxins now…

    Reply
  • December 31, 2016 at 12:39 am

    This was an eye-opening article and hit all the points of my 26-year marriage to a narcissist. I escaped 4 years ago but both my children and I suffer ongoing emotional and addiction issues as a result of his abuse. I will definitely continue my path to wellness by learning more about recovering from cults!!! Thank you!!

    Reply
  • December 31, 2016 at 11:56 am

    I have often said that I came out of my 28 year marriage to a narcissist with a form of “stockholm syndrome”. I loved/hated/loved that man for the majority of my life. When he left I had no identity, no self esteem or confidence, and no sense of direction. Even though I hated being married to him, I could not survive (literally, it felt) without him. Seven years later I am only beginning to emerge from the oppression that he designed, and I carried on, far beyond our contact.

    Reply
    • December 31, 2016 at 1:08 pm

      “the oppression that he designed, and I carried on, far beyond our contact”
      That’s an insightful little snippet right there. Thanks for sharing.

      I’ve been watching Leah Remini’s docuseries on A&E network. Her brief observations about each interview or segment stick with me. The people are trained to be obsessed about the extreme future and how they can “save” it, but I can still hear her voice say, “What about today???” We accept day after day of putting joy and life off to the future because today is filled to overflowing with an abuser’s needs, wants, expectations, values, way of seeing the world…everything. It’s a hypnotic spell, repeated day after day, and we do it even when they aren’t around.

      Reply
      • December 31, 2016 at 9:12 pm

        I’ve been watching her docuseries as well. It just amazes me how much power a person/institution will take over those of us who assume positive intent in those we interact with. Narcissism is such an insidious attack that we don’t see it coming, don’t know when it is happening and struggle mightily to truly be rid of it when we finally get away.

        Reply
  • December 31, 2016 at 12:04 pm

    Loved this article.I have found my most beneficial info into the minds of narcissism coming from books about cults. You hit the nail on the head!

    Reply
  • January 1, 2017 at 11:21 am

    OMG. Amazing eye opener. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  • January 6, 2017 at 5:59 pm

    I am very worried about my bff’s safety, and I don’t know what I should do to help her. It would be easier if we lived closer to each other (I live 300 miles from her). She’s been in a relationship with a nasty narcissist for 3 years, and he’s just about broken her spirit, demolished her self-esteem, destroyed her personal family relationships (with her parents, her brother, her two adult children, her ex-husband, old friends), by the horrible lies he told them about her, he even lied to a cop and said she stole his checks, and had her arrested, after she was released, he told her he found his checks, but didn’t see any need to inform the police. She just told me that he has beaten her up five different times now (he uses her face as a punching bag and ripped a lot of her hair out, she text me pictures of her bruised jaw area). There is so much more to this nightmare, but, I think you get the jist of what’s happening. I am worried that he’s going to eventually kill her (by accident), and he is the kind of guy that would get scared and cover it up. How can I help my friend get away from this narcissist before it’s too late/

    Reply
    • January 6, 2017 at 6:06 pm

      Just a quick suggestion: The next time she texts you a pic, have the police in her area on speed dial and have them do an immediate welfare check. That might get the ball rolling to have him convicted of domestic violence.

      Reply
      • January 7, 2017 at 3:49 am

        Thank you Lenora, that is an excellent idea and I’m going to do it! Also, I think I should also try to get in touch with her mother, and let her know exactly what has been going on, because she would do everything in her power to get her out of there (she has the resources to do it!!). Only problem is trying to get her mother’s phone number, i doubt that she would give it to me, because she doesn’t want her mother knowing about any of it!!
        I appreciate your reply!! Thank you again!!

        Reply
  • January 8, 2017 at 3:17 am

    I didnt realize there was a name for his type of personality . I had been with him for 6 years. There were red flags from the beginning.I met at a very lonely point in my life.In three months I allowed him to move in ,I was privy to driving his car this made me feel very special. I realize now that was just part of the lure.Long story short he too over my apartment ,He bought TV for my bedroom. which keep me in the room most of the time.We didn’t have a large circle of friends. But the few people that we were in the company of he manged to turn them against me including my family. He stopped having sex with me ,but would blame it on me.Saying that I was in the room all the time and he would make the most inappropriate comments .He would often try to make me feel guilty for not doing his laundry or little things.Long story short I’ve been in my new place now for 7 months and didn’t allow him to move back in with me.I was able to escape i found a job and saved my money and moved on with out him. But it still wasn’t easy because I missed him ironically enjoyed his company at times ,he had a great sense of humor .I allowed him to visit me and he stole my jewelry and some other valuable items I didn’t want to believe it was him I was in denial.Any way Ive not spoken to him sense Thanksgiving 2016 I did not return hi call on NYE. Also he had a problem touching other woman any chance he could get.I was always subtle and he would make it seem like it was it didn’t happen.He was also a sexual offender I thought it was odd that he would leave the document out in the open were I could see it.He never respected me it got worst as time went on. I’m glad I got out , Thanks God for the Deacons of my church who helped me move my furniture . I very happy in my solitude .

    Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *