6 thoughts on “The Hell of Perpetual Happiness

  • December 25, 2016 at 4:12 pm

    Today has been hard one – as are all Christmases – for me. Too much sad shit went on in my childhood; hard to remember the good times other than what the narcissists narrative was. Too much disrespect of me as a growing child, their own child. It has been my mission for a year now to learn about this terrible but enlightening subject. Your piece about the hell of perpetual happiness comes at a good time for me. I had the great mispleasure of having two narcissistic parents which drove me close to madness at a young age. I never smiled as a youth as can be seen in my school photos, most photos. My father would comment upon this; he often commented on my lack of happiness but as a narcissist either could not make the connection to the endless abuse heaped on their little scapegoat and the to be expected associated effects or he simply got off on the abuse (probably abused himself). He may or may not have got off on it but I know beyond any doubt that my mother-bitch did get off on abusing me. I learned to recognize that little crooked smile whenever she was getting a good dose of supply from me before I even knew what (narcissistic) supply was. Now they are old – I went no contact. Try and explain this shit to a normal person (whatever that may be), good luck. My father constantly challenged me that I choose to be unhappy. Until recently my eternal dialogue has been an attempt at getting them to acknowledge their abuse, external validation. That narrative has changed. I know the truth, I can easily validate this internally now. It is not my fault that at times I appear to be gloomy. Waking up to the full meaning and effects of cognitive dissidents almost did me in. Major depression set in, the river was calling, I tried pills but for me antidepressants just made it worse. Now, when I see something that makes me smile I am cognitive of the moment and I try and let feeling become the new direction of the internal dialogue. Easier said than done. Knowing that I am not alone in this awakening gives me power, power to turn this ship around and head in a new direction. Thanks again.

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    • December 29, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      You are not alone. There are many people brought up the same way. It’s a lifetime of hell believing you are not good enough till you realize it was them all along. I can’t imagine treating my own child this way but that is the big question. Why can anyone?

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  • December 28, 2016 at 9:32 am

    It is no coincidence that right along side the current cultural push towards the pursuit of personal happiness and only everything positive there has been a phenomenal rise in narcissistic personality traits across the board.

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  • December 28, 2016 at 10:30 am

    My father always had a shit eating grin on his face whenever I was hurt or humiliated. His joy in my pain was unforgettable. Then, his demand that I “look happy”. The worst abuse often occurred because of “the look on my face”. A typical narcissist, we were his “things” and if we did not perform as expected he abused us.

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    • December 28, 2016 at 10:46 pm

      I had the same with my mother, though I thought it was only my father for the first half of my life. Only later, after I left home and had done some healing was I able to see that actually her behaviour was just as bad in some cases, but I still think I would have been a lot more fucked up if she hadn’t have been so affectionate and loving early on, before she changed.

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  • March 24, 2017 at 6:28 pm

    My mother seemed to be under the impression that if anybody cracked a joke, and we laughed, that meant we were happy and these were good times. Not necessarily so. There is such a thing as coping with tragedy by cracking jokes. But she would absolutely overlook the tragedy as if it never happened. It’s like she was *desperate* to believe we were all happy.

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