12 thoughts on “Sex & the Narcissist: Sex Addict (Pt 2)

  • August 26, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    When I met my narc I was 54,in great shape and doing well socially and professionally. She was 15yrs younger.goegeous, zumba instructor gym rat. Very sexy and not shy. She just seemed cool when she described hiw she was in her” sexual prime”i hadnt asked.she said her x husband never satisfied her, was not well endowed lacked drive. Meanwhile my ego is soaring. She wants me and shes telling me. I was the best biggest strongest amazing shed ever had. Very convincing! Though it was strange how a woman with only ” one” sexual partner before me was so good!! And i mean good. All night good. Soon I was in denial of all the obvious clues I was duped and in deep. This recovery stuff really sucks most of the time and im so lonely and confused and often believe I miss her. How twisted and sad because im not getting younger and not getting better fast enough. She took more than just time for sure.

  • August 26, 2016 at 9:32 pm

    This is my ex-husband, Paul Michael Redding Jr. of Colonial Beach, Va. to the “T”. He would make fun of my flat chest, and then pint out other women in public that have ” more than a mouthful!” I came down with a “non-specific” venereal disease right after he came back from a deployment, and was the only woman Marine in the line for the clinic to receive shots for it. And yet, he claimed he never cheated. I continuously found telephone numbers and once unearthed a pair of panties from under the seat in his car. He claimed they were actually mine and he was going to surprise me with them as a gift. I wore a size 0 at the time and these were a size 8. I asked him where he was hiding the suspenders I would need to hold them up…. Another time, we were out eating dinner in his favorite Italian restaurant. The waitress, ” Rosemarie” gave him her phone number in front of me. I was stunned. He told me that he was going to throw it away. I asked him why he accepted it in the first place. He told me that he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She had no idea that he had a wife- and I was sitting there! I was right by the way,he had the number in his wallet six months later when I had him arrested for beating me to a pulp-all to take his latest paramour to a drive-in theater in my car…..Years later, he still denies that he ever cheated or battered me- and of course, he divorced me( I divorced him) because he caught me with one of his ship mates (Believe me, sleeping with anyone else after that liar was never going to happen!). And here’s a detail that should give most people chills….He works for a federal agency in Washington,D.C……

    • August 30, 2016 at 7:12 am

      Brava. It is time to air this BS that these people do out. Cheers to your bravery.

  • August 26, 2016 at 10:17 pm

    Lenora….Your “Part 2” reads like a “Narcissist’s Bible”: The Book of Revelations”.
    At 62, it was a stunning defeat to me, as a woman, to have been married 23 years to a straight-up narc who had overlapping sociopathic elements, and 44 out of 46 hot-button attributes of psychopathy, according to a website dedicated to identifying same. I was crushed. It has taken me over a year, nights of rolling panic attacks, much research, and, finally, your writings to show me that there are others like me out there. I wasn’t crazy; all these episodes HAD, indeed, occurred…and that it really did mean something. For others to have the courage to speak up and speak out – has saved my sanity, and my life.

  • August 27, 2016 at 8:35 pm

    Dear Leonora,

    I’m so grateful to you for posting the two articles on “sex and narcs,” and thank you too for being brutally honest. You have no idea what I’ve gained from the articles, in particular, the second one which fits my husband to a T. For the first time I’ve been able to identify what he is all about and what I’ve lived with for so long, isn’t normal. Most of the second article describes his behaviours. He is a narcissist and a sex addict too, I am sure of that now.

    In the beginning my husband was all over me, he couldn’t get enough of my body, as he would say. He was so turned on by me… gee, I never knew that I had that kind of magnetism! Not once a night, but five times for him … I felt sore and exhausted. He had no consideration. I didn’t like it one bit and neither did it feel normal yet, I didn’t know what was normal. I would feel that I’d been used, not made love to. There was no loving caresses or gentleness. It was a case of wham bang and no thanks, as you said. Mostly, he would roll over and fall asleep or, stranger still, he would get angry or nasty with me for no reason. On more than one ocassion he hit me after sex. To this day I don’t understand what that was about. Seriously, if anyone can make sense of that then please tell me.

    As soon as he walked through the door when he came home from work, he would grope me all over and I hated it because it left me feeling dirty. There was no hug or kiss. Nope, he would get stuck right in there to satisfy himself. In the end it made me feel like a cheap whore he’d picked up in a bar somewhere. There was nothing loving or caring about his behaviour and neither did I have the experience of knowing the difference.

    Then, he began to show less and less interest in me and couldn’t get it up. He had all sorts of excuses and even said it must be his age. Yeah, right! He was only 40 years old by that time. Then I began to become suspicous of where he was going and what he was up to after I discovered he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. Of course I was met with denials. Then there were the times when he would compare me to other women he’d had and told me I was sexless and useless in bed. Metaphorically, he kept throwing his ex girlfriend in my face telling me she was far sexier.

    Then there was the time I was in shock when he forced himself on me. He did the job without uttering a singel word even though I repeatedly said no, then he just walked away as thought nothing had happened. Many years were to pass before I acknowledged that he had raped me. Then, the two occasions when I had something wrong with me and the doctor gave me pills to take and a prescription for him too. The doctor looked at me and held my gaze when he said this a sexually transmitted disease. It was then that I knew for sure that he was up to no good. Of course, there were denials and he accused ME of being up to something whilst adamantly stating that it wasn’t him.

    He would flirt outrageouosly with my girl friends, married or not, and would come on to them right in front of me. They stopped visiting me at he house when he was there. Then there were the sneaky emails to another woman whom he said was just a friend so, why the need to be sneaky about it? Isn’t that what they all say? Once during a conversation he bragged about having had over 400 women. I began to think that he was a sex addict. Unfortunately, the way he has treated me over the decades including the awful things he has said, has hit right at the heart of my femininity leaving me feeling ugly inside and out.

    Then there were the two occasions when he went on a supposed course but, didn’t say where he was going nor, did he leave a contact number or, contact me during the week of his absence. Eight years ago when he was working away from home, he would be back every three months for two weeks, he came home and showed not the slightest bit of interest in me. It was then that he wouldn’t let me in the bed complaining that he needed more room. Wow, it took all of 24 years to figure that one out??? So, he kicked me out of the bed and since then we’ve slept apart. I’m glad of that but when it happened the feeling of rejection was painful for me.

    I’m sure when this is read that some might think that I’m not to smart to not have known for so long what was going on. In fact, I’m in intelligent person but I’m also a very trusting women and always looked for the best in others. I’ve learned though albeit slow. No I’m absolutely certain that is or was a se addict as well as a narcississt. I wish I’d known in the beginning because I could have saved myself a lot of heartache.

    • August 30, 2016 at 7:19 am

      Of course you’re intelligent, and how could you know? The whole point of narcs game is to snake-charm you, hypnotize you, and then have their way. Once they’re done, they toss you aside. I have a theory that there is a definitive cycle that they all operate on, and that their abuse comes in predictable waves.

      I hope that you continue to build strength, and gain self-awareness. I also hope that when you are ready, you move into a place of happiness, because you deserve whatever your heart desires. <3

  • August 30, 2016 at 7:20 am

    Its hard for me to comment, but I will say thank you so much for writing these articles. They have truly illustrated and articulated what has been a shameful, isolating, and debilitating experience. Its articles like this that are helping me to reconnect with myself, regain my composure and sanity, and to marshal my resources to get the heck away from him. Bless you to the nth power! <3

  • August 31, 2016 at 2:50 pm

    I think it’s important to remember that some of us non-narcissists enjoy consensual kinky sex play. I was consensually involved in the kink community for many years, which is where I met the narcissist. Though I still support everyone having whatever kind of sex they want with consenting partners, my experience in the kink world eventually made me realize how many – if not most – male doms are flaming narcissists. I was involved with more than one in that community.

    These guys really do hate women, I feel, and they get involved in kink because they can inflict pain on women and get away with it, even be encouraged to do it. More than once I saw this narc I dated (he’s not “my” narc; I want nothing to do with him). He LOVED it when I was suffering, either in a kink way or emotionally when he’d be screwing other women and I’d get upset. He GLOWED with joy when this happened. He LOVED it when I got upset, because then he could be justified in calling me ‘crazy’ to his friends, and he never had to look at his own behavior. And he loved to hurt me in bed. Though initially I was into the kink as well, after I left him, I stopped liking rough sex.

    He was not only into very rough sex, but also considered himself polyamorous, because this allowed him to have sex with as many women as he wanted without needing to hide it or justify it. Though he claimed to want to grow old with me (and with his other girlfriend), he was obsessed with screwing as many women as he possibly could. I’d go over to his place for a date and almost inevitably find a new woman’s Facebook profile up on his screen each time (and he knew it upset me, which is probably why he did it). If I brought him to a party of my friends, he’d “friend” most of the women right after the party. By the end, he was sleeping with several women I had once considered friends. Not one of the women ever came to me and asked me if it was OK if they slept with my boyfriend (maybe they were narcs, too? Or maybe just manipulated as I was).

    It’s been almost 2 years since I went no contact, and not a day still goes by that I don’t thank the universe and all my lucky stars that I found the strength to leave. These people are the human equivalent of cancer.

  • September 5, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    I just divorced an “UNDERCOVER NARCISSIST”. Yes, he was UNDERCOVER. Not the usual “Look at ME” kinda guy. I loved both of these articles. He was all VANILLA!! Never gave me sex!! Imagine that!! If we had sex, it was because I initiated it. He ended up having an affair (shocker) and that was the end of my marriage. I do attract them as I dated one soon after. He was the “Look at ME, but I hate ME” kind. I attracted another one recently (steer clear of musicians, VIrgos and Leos..who are usually narcissists). He really fooled me. Looked good on the outside and the inside. Reading this article made me realize he IS one. Always on TOP…CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL!!! Hopefully, I will find someone else who is VOID of Narcissism…wish me luck!!

  • August 29, 2017 at 12:44 am

    I’ve been in a relationship with a vanilla narcissist for 26 years, married for 21 of them! And I’ve only just realised that he’s the one who is responsible for our non existent sex life. It is not me- who’s ugly, fat, bad at sex etc etc. He has been sleeping with prostitutes all this while while I have been at home, wondering what’s wrong with me as a woman that I cannot have sex.
    I have walked out of my marriage. I know I have a battle ahead,to break way permanently from him. Wish me luck.
    I always considered myself intelligent and aware. But I got fooled by him for soooo long.

  • March 11, 2018 at 10:46 pm

    Oh my ! This has been my life for almost 14 years. I’ve never really talked about it til recently . Slipping in while I was sleep resulted in multiple violent rapes because I wasn’t supposed to wake up. Anal rape without any lube is huge because he knows that first of all I hate it and second of all its excruciating dry. I am simply not allowed to say no to sex. No means abuse for me. However unlike this article states he loves foreplay but its usually painful. He says so what if it doesn’t feel good can’t you just let a guy enjoy. I am required to get off EVERY time regardless of the pain involved. He is never satisfied and jacks off constantly and posts himself for sex on Craigslist. I can only wish he would stop being able to perform. I’d gladly take all the blame just to not be raped anymore. But the good news is after suffering all these years I kicked him out yesterday and he’s not coming back. I will be filing for divorce hopefully this week and getting my life back!

  • July 4, 2019 at 12:19 pm

    Wow this is so true! I remember my ex constantly pressuring me to have anal sex and threesomes. When I repeatedly said NO to both he would punish me by disappearing and in my gut I knew he was sleeping around. I became afraid for my health but he refused to wear condoms which made me feel even worse or ashamed of myself for being so weak and totally under his spell of cruel emotional and physical abuse ….
    Sex with him in the beginning was amazing but he quickly became aggressive and rough and for me it was like watching the ceiling fan spin and spin. There was no real intimacy kissing or caressing. If I tried to pull him close he would stay stiff and would not budge … the whole year and a half was a total nightmare with me feeling like I could never give him enough sex or attention… and in my gut I felt like he was trying to sexually exploit me and cause me pain all across the board and personally DESTROY ME… he discarded me in April and married someone else in June … I got lost in thinking maybe this new woman is being more sexually free with him BUT reality sank in for me and that’s to realize that he will never change and he gets worse over time never being truly satisfied…. God help this new woman and all of us who almost were destroyed by these despicable beings that are far from human


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