12 thoughts on “Sex & the Narcissist: Sadism (Pt 1)

  • August 24, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    I was thirteen when I had been grabbed at the pool under water by one of my friends fathers. When I returned home my mother was waiting for me. ” Someone told me that you were fooling around with the grown up men at the swimming pool today. You slut!” I had been traumatized, and didn’t even have the chance to tell my mother what had happened! She would routinily seacrch my bedroom for drugs, pornography, sexy lingerie, etc until I finally escaped from her clutches to go into the Marine Corps.From that point on until my mother died, I was sleeping with men, drinking and drugging even after my children were born. It was all my fault when I married a batterer because “she told me not to marry him!I must have been pregnant when I got married and thought I had to marry him!” We were told that sex was for married couples only, and we should be in love with our husbands when we lost our virginity to them. Needless to say my sister, who was a full term baby, was born in early May. My parents were married in the middle of September……:-D

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  • August 25, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    I was in a short (3 month) relationship with a woman who I later figured out was a raging narcissist. It was shortly after my divorce so I had been out of the dating world for 20+ yrs and blamed myself and lack of knowledge of what dating in your 40s was supposed to be like. She was everything you describe in this and every other story about dating a narcissist. She could convince me that her crazy mood swings and eruptions were my fault. I know when you use “he” you’re not implying that only men can be narcissists. Wow, do I know that. They are truly among the worst people you can let into your life. At least I realized at the 3 month mark and got the hell out.

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  • August 30, 2016 at 7:36 am

    Question, is there some sort of significance or purpose to them going through your things? My mother used to do this, and literally made it clear, I had no right to privacy in her house and that she’d very well go through my things anytime she wanted. Before I eventually ran away, she even started letting my stepfather go through my undergarments, and let my brother go into my room and destroy my belongings. This has puzzled me to this day, and reading this article really brought up a lot of the memories. My parents were also religious fanatics who raised us in a cult-like environment. Most people look at me like I’m nuts when I say I was spiritually abused. :-/

    Either way, thank you so much for this! <3

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    • September 17, 2016 at 8:26 pm

      Went through this. I know.

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    • September 17, 2016 at 8:28 pm

      My mom did that all the time.

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  • September 17, 2016 at 9:10 am

    I don’t recall what year in my marriage I figured out my spouse was basically only using me for a living dildo once in awhile in the bedroom. But it was one of those “aha” moments for me to understand I was being 100% controlled in our relationship. She always controlled if sex was to happen – but then claimed it was my fault if it wasn’t taking place, because I had not performed up to her standards during the day, week, whatever. We had a child at the 2 year mark… and then two more. I stayed until the youngest was grown… 27 years of crazy hell. Never in my life have I felt as good as the week I packed up and moved out when she was out of town for 3 days. Like being released from prison!!!

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  • September 27, 2016 at 1:11 pm

    My mother was a narcissist. Not only did she tell me she’d take me for an abortion before explaining reproduction to me, she started that viscious name calling when I was 12 or 13. However, because of her other parental behavior, at 12, I realized she was “sick”, and I knew my first area of study in the UNI would be in the Psych. Sciences. Having somewhat of an intuitive understanding of what this “sick” encompassed changed the way I responded to these verbal assaults. I no longer entirely internalized them. Though a lot of damage had already been done, this was my first tool to free myself.

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  • March 6, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    I’m so glad I found this article. I thought I was losing my mind. My husband is a witholder and sadist. I can’t tell you how much this helped.

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  • October 22, 2018 at 8:41 am

    the narc i was with was cerebral and i had forgotten about the 2 types, always wondered why he never wanted sex or any type of intimacy. The 3 times we did have it, it was awful, the worst ever. He said he had sex with me the first 2 times to check out his unit, he called it, he had earlier had a double hernia operation,. the last time was to shut me up for complaining about the lack of any intimacy, talk about mechanical, he did nothing to please me, would not even hold my breasts, it was so bad he had only been with 2 women before me and the guy is in his 60’s.

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  • March 25, 2019 at 9:52 pm

    Correct that sex education is not taught well (Grade 9). The teacher learnt more from the students. From discussions with my daughter, nothing has changed. Although I read playboy in my early years, I avoided the more dis-respective and weird material such as chains, whipping, multiple partners, slapping, etc. Yes, 50 shades of gray would not interest me. I wonder the effect of these materials on the youth and would they understand that such activities were not normal and healthy. To me sexual, intercourse was between two consenting adults (not children) for mutual intimate pleasure for a healthy relationship and the gift of children. If someone wanted to use a dildo, fine as long as it did not involve me. I did not want hear about somebodys weekend conquests. It is hard to believe that some of my female colleagues were worse than the men. Strippers and prostitutes are misguided soles who should not be shunned by society as they are human beings, Jail the pimps as they cause harm and evil to others, The strip clubs in Quebec fascinated me as you would have grand parents slipping wine at the bar, girls with their boyfriends watching the show, others paying no attention to the show, and the yahoos at the edge of the stage making noise. After these observations I have no problems with Quebec being a distinct society. At first my wife enjoyed sexual intercourse until she went for counselling to overcome the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. It was then that I would frequent the strip bars. I would joke about sex as it is more open society with French Canadians and Aboriginals. At times I would bluish, but did not kill me. I would never use sex for punishment and feel that it was a conquest. I was told that I was a very gentle lover.s stated in an earlier message that I have recently discovered I am narcissistic sociopath after reading articles to explain my past actions. My life and the lives are over with because of these actions. If I could only do my live over again with the knowledge of these articles.

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  • April 11, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    A narcissist never leaves you alone, because s/he is a sadist – in everything s/he does.

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  • June 30, 2019 at 7:08 pm

    I had the misfortune of being with a misogynistic crazy ass Narcissistic man for a year and a half… sex with him was like watching the ceiling fan spin and spin hoping it was over soon. It was brutal and emotion less. I would plead and try to pull him close for kisses and the feeling of real intimacy but the more I pulled the more he resisted but claimed he loved me… I was under his spell or completely trauma bonded by all his physical and mental abuse . I could never give him enough sex and I felt he was into nasty porn and also felt he was having sexual affairs with others… I am very shy by nature and he did nothing to boost my confidence or self esteem. The more I hurt the better he felt .. he constantly pressured me to do kinky sex acts but I never folded there so he would punish me by disappearing because I would not comply to his nasty sex fantasies … he would come back but each time it was worse and worse until I became numb and empty But all that changed when I began to dig deep and find that small glimmer of light still within me and started to work out again, get back to my social recreation of adult night skating and restarting stalled friendships…. it’s only then did he DISCARD me for a woman he married only 2 months after he dumped me… I was floored with grief unimaginable BUT I refuse to let him win or get the best of me … learning all I can about Narcissism is helping me learn more about myself so that I will never ever subject myself to this kind of pain, mental and physical abuse and down right EVILNESS

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