6 thoughts on “Hello Narcissist. Goodbye Normalcy.

  • February 3, 2016 at 8:25 pm

    Your experience has a close similarity to mine! My mother and father were narcissists. I also remember my early teens as a terrible time. My father was violent and raging against us (his kids) in order to keep my alcoholic mother from turning her abuse on us. Shame, judgements, insults, emotional terrorism was what both my parents employed to keep us in check. I had a similar “oh, this is normal” experience with my then-boyfriend (now husband). We were leaving a cafe, and he walked ahead of me. I was struggling to do up my jacket zipper. I was panicking with fear, then I thought “Why am I scared? We are not in a rush and my boyfriend is not going to scream at me for taking a minute to zip my jacket up”. In my family, this was an excuse to scream, insult and rage. Not normal.

    • March 5, 2016 at 12:20 am

      Your comment about the anxiety over zipping your jacket up taking time really was a trigger for me! I know that gut-twisting anxiety if the narcissist has to wait for us…at all…for anything. Patience isn’t their strong suit, is it?

      ~ LT

  • February 5, 2016 at 3:48 am

    I feel like I am choking with every word I read, excited that I can see so clearly what my kids have been telling me for years about how they experienced my mothering. It is my reflex to be defensive, want to explain (justify?) that I truly believed (believe?) that I wanted to teach them how to be safe, happy, good people. I am horrified that my love & best intentions for them have actually caused pain for them instead. My need to control ‘for their own good’ has backfired.

    • March 5, 2016 at 12:12 am

      I think you’re a good mother, Cindy, because you can admit where you overdid it a bit! Good for you!

      ~ LT

  • February 18, 2016 at 3:11 am

    This is amazing in the sense of describing the “Never 21” phenomenon with narcissists. However, I had to replace the word normal with the word healthy throughout reading this because the word normal is pretty loaded, and the concept has been used to hurt me and other victims of narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic parents often completely exempt themselves from normalcy, but demand it rigidly in their children, taking away their child’s right to form a real authentic self in favor of narcissistic parents’ social status. These children are often made to feel horrible and inferior for not being normal. Gay, transgender, gender nonconforming (i.e. girl who’s a tomboy)children, children with Asperger’s Syndrome, eccentric kids, kids who are overweight, etc. often suffer at the hands of narcissistic parents and the expectation to “be normal”.

    • March 4, 2016 at 11:49 pm

      Hi Summer,

      Thank you for your comment. I really want to “flesh out” the concept of Never 21 in more articles and would love to include specific examples from you too.

      Never realized what a trigger the word “normal” might be. Thanks for telling me!

      ~ Lenora Thompson


Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *